I had a moment of clarity while grocery shopping this week.
No, I didn't figure out how to bring educational equality to all or how to make Petunia sleep through the night every night. I didn't figure out anything as profound as that. No, I figured out why I can't seem to break my cookie habit.
I walked down the cookie aisle without even a twinge of temptation. But as I was unloading my groceries onto the checkout belt, I was sorely tempted to add a Twix bar. I resisted the temptation, but it was a struggle, even though I knew I had far better treats at home (Toffee Pops from New Zealand, courtesy of my in laws). But I was alone at the grocery store. I could eat my Twix bar in peace in the car before I drove home.
And in that minute, I realized what cookies and candy are to me right now: they are my little retreat, a way to make a little bubble around myself and give myself something just for me.
I usually can't have what I really want: a day (or even a morning!) in bed reading, a long walk on the beach, fifteen minutes of quiet in my own house... but I can have a cookie.
This is problematic, because obviously, if I keep eating cookies every time I feel like I need a retreat, I am not going to like the outcome.
Before I had kids, If I started to feel like I needed a retreat, I'd go to an extra yoga class or actually head out for a long walk on the beach. I can't do those things now, at least not without arranging some logistics- which is the last thing I want to do when I'm wanting a retreat. So my challenge is: find a way to give myself a retreat that is roughly as easy as eating a cookie, but doesn't carry so many calories.
So far all I've come up with is that I could make myself a nice cup of tea. Does anyone else have any ideas?