Mr. Snarky replied in an equally off-hand way that if I was 10 years younger, I'd be pregnant.
And he is right. 10 years ago, I was in the final months of my first pregnancy. It is a bit weird to think about that, both because I can't believe that the little baby who arrived in April of 2007 is now almost 10, and because I've changed so much in those 10 years, too.
I am happy with the changes. I am a stronger person now than I was then, more sure of myself, and more able to distinguish the signal of what I want from the noise of what society tells me I should want. I still work to consistently act on what I want, but at least I'm better at knowing what it is.
So, while I would love to have my body of 10 years ago back, I don't actually wish I was 10 years younger. I'm better off now.
Another thing I thought about after this exchange: the way some decisions radically alter the path of your life, to the point that there is no crossing back over to the other path. This is not a novel thought. But I still think sometimes about the path I stepped off of when Pumpkin was born. That other path had a lot more travel in it, I'm sure. I'd probably have seen more of the world, and I love traveling and seeing new things, so that would have been a nice path.
But this path is pretty amazing, too. I've said before that parenthood is like a different type of journey. Like any journey, it has some really tough parts. It also has unbelievably amazing parts. I love traveling with my kids, for instance. I love watching them see new places. It is a different dimension of travel, and for me, it makes up for the extra hassle of traveling with kids.
Don't get me wrong, I like to travel alone and with just Mr. Snarky, too. But I love our family vacations.
Whenever I write about the journey of parenthood, I wish I was a better writer. I cannot adequately describe what it is to be a mother. I wish I could, but I can't.
Right now, I'm reading Stephen King's On Writing, and am amused by how this is making me think I should write more and try to get better. I even jotted down some notes for a fiction idea.
Maybe someday I'll try my hand at fiction. It seems unlikely, but you never know. Right now, though, I have other priorities, and I need to stay focused. One of the things I've learned in the last 10 years is that I have a tendency to start lots of projects. I find so many things interesting, and it is so tempting to pursue them all! Learning to embrace that and also manage it has been one of the great gifts I've received from this blog. A reader pointed me to a book about "scanners" and I recognized myself and also picked up some great ideas for how to harness that energy to build a life I love.
Now, I don't necessarily start in immediately on every idea I have, but I write it down in one of my notebooks (I keep one for writing ideas, and one for other ideas), and I let myself enjoy each idea. Then I turn back to the kanban board I keep on my office door and focus on finishing one of the projects I already have in flight.
Speaking of which, I have a proof to review. The paperback version of Unspotted will be available soon!
Here's an old post about kanban, but if you want to know more about how I use it to organize my work, you'll have to head over to my real name blog. I was about to say that you could email me if you need a link, but I guess it has been awhile since I cross-linked, so here is the post I have in mind.