tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post7296446815180810703..comments2024-02-05T05:15:04.759-08:00Comments on Wandering Scientist: A Transference of GuiltCloudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-30114549396704215342010-04-01T10:22:38.067-07:002010-04-01T10:22:38.067-07:00In my parallel life, we have been dealing with so ...In my parallel life, we have been dealing with so much of the same things.<br /><br />I keep reminding myself and my hubby that what the Pookie gets that the Pumpkin didn't is a sibling. So although I might not be able to (birth order) or need to (personality) devote the same attention to the Pookie that I did/do to the Pumpkin, he also gets the attention of his sister. And the bond and love and joy and entertainment they get from each other very obviously makes up for any lack that either are getting from us parents in my household. Now that the baby is crawling and more mobile and able to play with more, it's even better for the two of them. <br /><br />I have also been working out ways to make sure each of the kids gets one-on-one time with each parent. I think that helps a lot.caramamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02327695885346537321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-2155892940296928962010-03-31T22:22:22.233-07:002010-03-31T22:22:22.233-07:00This kind of guilt dance has been a common theme f...This kind of guilt dance has been a common theme for me as a mother of twins. Twin A was a high-needs infant and ended up being held and carried more than B. But then B was more difficult to wean, particularly at night, and ended up co-sleeping and all-night-nursing for many months while his brother was in his room alone. Now that they're 3 (that kind of) guilt is not such a factor, but I do wish we made more of an effort to have one-parent, one-child time in our house, as opposed to always 1-2.zednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-37941075126793016522010-03-31T19:26:39.429-07:002010-03-31T19:26:39.429-07:00I felt exactly the same when my littlest was an in...I felt exactly the same when my littlest was an infant.<br /><br />My firstborn was and is a high-needs child. My second-born is very easy going. My first-born still got most of the attention after her little sister was born, simply because she both needed and demanded it (and the two to three-year old age period is high-needs however you look at it). By comparison, a laid-back infant needs little--mostly just a boob or something to suck on. My youngest was perfectly happy lying on a blanket and playing by herself.<br /><br />I did feel horribly guilty, but my Legume is almost three now, and she doesn't seem damaged. She's a happy girl. In many ways, she's still more easy-going and independent than her big sister (she plays more easily by herself, doesn't hang on me as much as her older sister). Just a difference in personality, I guess. I'm also guessing things will reverse themselves in adolescence! (we'll pay for the independent, fearless streak in our youngest child then!)The bean-momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00411250616280191525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-33067998626729167882010-03-30T19:31:02.686-07:002010-03-30T19:31:02.686-07:00@Jac- the guilt got less intense after Petunia was...@Jac- the guilt got less intense after Petunia was born and I saw that things mostly worked out.<br /><br />But no, it hasn't gone away. Maybe when they're in college?Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-88334695348764457582010-03-30T16:41:57.239-07:002010-03-30T16:41:57.239-07:00Reading avidly. Expecting number 2 and feel guilty...Reading avidly. Expecting number 2 and feel guilty already. Guilty for DS who didn't get a vote on whether to change things. And guilty for #2 who can't possibly receive the attention that DS received. <br /><br />Does the guilt go away?Jacnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-64388678185658804322010-03-30T08:42:27.620-07:002010-03-30T08:42:27.620-07:00I so hear you on this one. My heart sometimes ache...I so hear you on this one. My heart sometimes aches thinking how Pea is getting gypped. Gus craves the center of attention and she gets the dregs sometimes. <br /><br />I love what you said about birth order and personality. I keep telling myself we have to make more special time just for her and fostering her skills. I see your point now about the encouraging your baby more with her development!geeks in romehttp://www.geeksinrome.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-33424914525041124372010-03-30T03:53:54.879-07:002010-03-30T03:53:54.879-07:00'Any slight she is experiencing is due to birt...'Any slight she is experiencing is due to birth order, and not her personality.' I totally agree!<br /><br />I had a year of what you described with no. 2 until Noah, no.1, went to kinder when he turned 3. He got the same amount of attention as before and if there was anything left over Zoe got it. The only time we had some one on one was when she was nursing, or the rare Sunday morning when hubby took Noah out and Zoe got me all to herself.<br /><br />But she didn't seem to mind. She was pretty easy going herself back then ( things changed from 8.5 months when seperation anxiety set in!). But the guilt. I felt awful that I couldn't give her the same attention that I had given and was giving Noah.<br /><br />Well, the cards have turned big time. I think she is making me pay for that year that we were ignoring her!paolanoreply@blogger.com