tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post8038064468627608302..comments2024-02-05T05:15:04.759-08:00Comments on Wandering Scientist: Weekend Reading: The Working Women EditionCloudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-56611854376663342552011-11-08T13:58:32.095-08:002011-11-08T13:58:32.095-08:00I feel you on the "Don't let it." I ...I feel you on the "Don't let it." I think my answer would be: "That doesn't happen to me because I'm not having it." But of course that's not helpful at all because it is in part an outgrowth of the person I married. On the other hand, I knew 100% after a whole series of failed relationships in my twenties what kind of *partner* I wanted to have, and that I would be happier alone than with someone who wasn't pulling his weight. My husband had a traditional mother (old school SAHM, submissive and in the shadows) and he knew 100% that he didn't want that in a wife. Definitely kids coming along brings new challenges. My husband had never held a new baby before our first, and I had tons of experience. But I handed the baby over and said, here, you comfort him. And he did, and was great at it. The only thing he's "bad" at is disciplining. I'm the long arm of the law in our family, but we're working on it, because I want that to be equal too.<br /><br />I know what you mean about breastfeeding, though I have to say I never felt like it created imbalance for us. It's true that we couldn't share the labor of nursing, but he was often up with me in the night. We nursed but didn't co-sleep, so he did a lot of soothing after I nursed, or diaper changing, or co-slept with them in another room, or what have you. Or if I took the nights, he took the early AM so I could get extra sleep.Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-37794550100493040032011-11-07T07:03:21.057-08:002011-11-07T07:03:21.057-08:00The more people in the equation, the harder it is,...The more people in the equation, the harder it is, no matter that two adults shouldn't necessarily create more work for one another but it seems to be the case. And I think family dinner time when dinner doesn't consist of yogurt in a disposable container is the part of the puzzle that keeps the tension on the rest of the pieces. At least I have noticed that going from it just being me and Tate and dinners being whenever and whatever is reasonably healthy and tasty to dinner at a time that is a cooked meal to feed two adults and Tate adds to my daily stress the way nothing else has (not even the dog). Each day there's a block of time that can't really be used for anything else. Groceries have to thought about in advance. Preference given, or not, to what the kid will eat and the effort that takes. There's more housework to do as a result. The decision to have "family meal time" with two working outside the home parents is not an inconsequential one as silly as that sounds. I'm not convinced yet it's worth the effort long term. The novelty is wearing thin in a few short months.mom2boyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00784436196685595115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-56306552358704409192011-11-06T18:56:49.721-08:002011-11-06T18:56:49.721-08:00haha @hush, re: not marrying an asshole :)
I also...haha @hush, re: not marrying an asshole :)<br /><br />I also find that speaking up when you're NOT upset works better. Unless you are crying, in which case that works pretty well too :) But the angry "you never do x" totally DOES NOT WORK in our house.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15212690454989568626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-2886609862226174122011-11-06T09:05:40.193-08:002011-11-06T09:05:40.193-08:00@hush- Rebecca Skloot's lecture was indeed awe...@hush- Rebecca Skloot's lecture was indeed awesome. <br /><br />And yes, it is important not to marry an asshole!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-14916016722704300142011-11-05T16:09:55.142-07:002011-11-05T16:09:55.142-07:00Lucky you, getting to hear Rebecca Skloot in perso...Lucky you, getting to hear Rebecca Skloot in person! I reviewed her book on my blog ages ago, but feel free to chime in:<br /><br />http://husheveryone.blogspot.com/2010/06/immortal-life-of-henrietta-lacks-book.html<br /><br />Amen on "there being no shortcuts to some magical land of marital equality. You have to be willing to speak up when things are out of whack." Yes. I also think you have to approach the conversation with the correct tone. (John Gottman's writings have been enormously helpful to DH and me.) Yes, it is a solveable problem if you are both willing to work together, and of course, if you did not marry an asshole. ;)hushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05532820460835325762noreply@blogger.com