tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post325147629266400776..comments2024-02-05T05:15:04.759-08:00Comments on Wandering Scientist: A Tuesday Hodge-PodgeCloudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-76901277577833052352016-04-16T11:41:14.917-07:002016-04-16T11:41:14.917-07:00What helps me is writing ranting letters to the of...What helps me is writing ranting letters to the offenders, where I pour out all I really want to say in all its expletive-laden glory (also often rant on the blog, although that is often greatly tempered). I don't send these letters (although I have come close a few times), but the act of writing is cathartic and having it out there to re-read does help. It's almost as if I feel heard. <br /><br />Your main contractor gig, is it with the place you used to work? No wonder they still push your buttons. You are a brave woman to keep working with them. xykademiqzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18306861394466282929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-24394112659503773602016-04-15T06:58:18.959-07:002016-04-15T06:58:18.959-07:00I am also learning how to deal with my feelings an... I am also learning how to deal with my feelings and how to express them in a more effective way. It's really tough to do so as a woman for almost anything you show can be de-legitimated... What has helped me is learning Buddhist meditation. I am not saying that you should become a Buddhist, I am just saying there are very good tools in their way of meditation that can help us to be more aware of our way of thinking, what triggers us and not getting too attached to our emotions and thoughts. Not being a slave to them, learning to get some distance of it, allow us to answer in better and more effective ways. It also may help us to be more understanding when we see people saying BS..which doesn't mean we will accept it and let them go on with it, but it enrages us less. <br />Another book I've just started reading is Crucial Conversations tools for talking when stakes are high... So far, so good...<br />I also am always looking for people who know how to answer to BS and others in a more intelligent and graceful way than I do... and I try to learn from them. <br />SarahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-3899451964511724962016-04-14T18:35:39.956-07:002016-04-14T18:35:39.956-07:00The neat thing about CBT is that unlike talk thera...The neat thing about CBT is that unlike talk therapy there is a finite number of sessions (if you go to a specialist). I paid out of pocket, but it was on a sliding scale. I don't know what options are in San Diego.Nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-84315023287420774152016-04-14T16:57:07.828-07:002016-04-14T16:57:07.828-07:00I get patronized if I show anger, so I basically h...I get patronized if I show anger, so I basically have no acceptable emotional outlets in a work environment. I must just be zen. I actually think being zen when confronted with BS would be a great skill to have... but I am not so great at it yet!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-61346282031601056552016-04-14T16:55:46.566-07:002016-04-14T16:55:46.566-07:00I should probably do this. My main hang up is that...I should probably do this. My main hang up is that I'll have to figure out whether it is covered by our insurance, and if so, where I can go. We make this stuff so hard....Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-43007168386494243112016-04-14T16:54:35.116-07:002016-04-14T16:54:35.116-07:00The networking thing was OK. Hard to tell if I mad...The networking thing was OK. Hard to tell if I made any useful contacts, but at least the actual program was interesting!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-91382438732272985562016-04-14T16:54:06.904-07:002016-04-14T16:54:06.904-07:00Yes! That's where I had dinner when I went to ...Yes! That's where I had dinner when I went to Bindercon! It was yummy.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-46499007342674649042016-04-14T16:32:39.306-07:002016-04-14T16:32:39.306-07:00Did you know there is an Aussie pie place in Westw...Did you know there is an Aussie pie place in Westwood LA?Nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-59857110472962356062016-04-13T14:49:05.904-07:002016-04-13T14:49:05.904-07:00How was the networking thing?
I often find it we...How was the networking thing? <br /><br />I often find it weird that I've got a kid now and I'm still not viewing myself as grown up me most days. I wonder when that changes? It must. <br /><br />I used to function primarily on rage like xykademiqz but during that time I also had to learn to mask my reactions. It turns out that learning to mask them was the useful tool I needed to also learn to put a little distance between myself and the situation so that I didn't blurt out something I'd regret. It's not always a useful thing to have emotions on delay so I'm working on bringing that back to a middle point where I react appropriately when a reaction is warranted and do not to BS things that do not deserve a reaction. <br /><br />I don't know how to turn that into actionable advice though! Revanchehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07293868300535734672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-77225169484902775312016-04-12T20:53:07.483-07:002016-04-12T20:53:07.483-07:00I have noticed that my range of emotions has shrun...I have noticed that my range of emotions has shrunk and that I channel everything into anger; I imagine that's what men routinely do. But I don't get sad or scared or anxious or a variety of other things any more, I just get very angry. I think it has to do with constantly operating at a very high level of stress and not feeling like I am allowed to be a wuss; everyone expects $hit to be together at all times (kids, students, colleagues) and it seems that being angry is the only allowed emotion to be expressed as it doesn't signal weakness. Patriarchy. Apparently, my masculinization (is this a word?) is complete. <br /><br />So yeah, my useless advice and one that I totally didn't come by on purpose is to become a dude and funnel all feelings into anger. <br /><br />N&M, I hear you on the cold sores. I have been getting canker sores more frequently since baby no 3, but fewer colds overall. Can't afford to get sick, I supposed. xykademiqzhttp://xykademiqz.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-6882664210497366222016-04-12T18:26:25.351-07:002016-04-12T18:26:25.351-07:00"having control over my own reactions"
..."having control over my own reactions"<br /><br />I did CBT in grad school for test anxiety, a full however many week course from a place that specialized in it. I use it *every day*. <br /><br />It did take a lot of practice and work to get it to come automatically (which I did because I was desperate to no longer be anxious and depressed and to get back into control of my body). But it really changed my life, and not just in the big ways like not having panic attacks or being able to have a low-pain natural childbirth but in little every day interactions. It also decreased but did not eliminate my stupid cold sore flare-ups (man I wish it eliminated them...).<br /><br />Also Crucial Conversations might be worth a reread. And pretending to be an anthropologist studying an alien culture. Or better, pretending they are misbehaving 3 year olds.nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com