tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post416494735242621487..comments2024-02-05T05:15:04.759-08:00Comments on Wandering Scientist: On "Big Careers" and Work-Life BalanceCloudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-25512631262194365992017-01-24T02:57:22.564-08:002017-01-24T02:57:22.564-08:00I suppose work-life balance is a very important to...I suppose work-life balance is a very important topic for all people. You have very deep thouhts! I enjoy your article! I will take some thought to my essay <a href="http://essays.io/" rel="nofollow">http://essays.io/</a> I have to pass it next week.Paul Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08713608137928194596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-90163641485798382152012-08-11T22:10:17.385-07:002012-08-11T22:10:17.385-07:00Welcome! Don't worry- the archives will be her...Welcome! Don't worry- the archives will be here later. I'm glad you're enjoying them.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-24307003481962598102012-08-11T21:01:25.279-07:002012-08-11T21:01:25.279-07:00I just found this blog through bluemilk and I'...I just found this blog through bluemilk and I'm loving it. But I'm procrastinating from doing some much needed work so I'm leaving you a comment instead of reading every other post you've ever written. I agree with you, there are a lot more full on jobs out there than Sheryl Sandberg's, many of which could be done in 40-50 hours, but aren't designed that way. If they were, it's very likely the world would be more (not less) productive.Jenniferhttp://www.actuarialeye.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-57046968046824038822012-08-09T06:13:10.655-07:002012-08-09T06:13:10.655-07:00Can a cri de coeur also be a tour de force? What a...Can a cri de coeur also be a tour de force? What an amazing post!<br /><br />I am, thank god, no longer an academic (retired, escaped), and thank god by the time my career kicked into gear my son was in college. And I was fortunate that when he was little, two older neighbor women were willing to take on the day-care role, since putting him in a daycare institution turned out to be a dangerous fiasco. But even under those best of conditions, it seemed that the job expanded to fill all corners of my life. And it was crazy-making. Matter of fact, a colleague discovered that at least one therapist in this city (more, apparently) specializes in Great Desert University employees.<br /><br />I loved your insight that, after all, everyone is expected to have outside interests and there's no reason an outside interest shouldn't be child-rearing. It works to shut up those childless colleagues who feel your family should go on the back burner or, as one of my graduate students was informed (by, we might add, a <i>female</i> senior scholar), you can't have an academic career and also be a mother. <br /><br />However, as a practical matter, a child is not a part-time interest, and bringing up a child is in fact a full-time job. Doesn't matter which parent takes on that full-time job, but the reality is that somebody needs to be available at all times over a period of 16 or 18 years to tend to the child's needs, concerns, and development. It means that at least one and probably both parents holding any kind of job will experience soul-killing conflicts; this is exaggerated when the adult holds a large, responsible job with extreme demands.Funny about Moneyhttp://funny-about-money.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-89329842378963783342012-02-24T17:24:06.006-08:002012-02-24T17:24:06.006-08:00Thanks, @Sarah! I'm glad you liked the post. I...Thanks, @Sarah! I'm glad you liked the post. I'd also recommend looking at oilandgarlic's post on balance- she writes from the standpoint of someone who is NOT a manager with a big salary, which is a perspective that I think gets overlooked a lot:<br />oilandgarlic.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/a-precarious-balance/Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-90597853687548467232012-02-24T09:51:51.311-08:002012-02-24T09:51:51.311-08:00What a fantastic post! I am an academic writing a...What a fantastic post! I am an academic writing about the balance metaphor as it appears in pop culture right now, and I found this post through Mom 101. I particularly love your last paragraph. So nicely said and well-reasoned.<br /><br />I say I am writing, but most days? Don't have the mental space.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07270389106604867450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-29861561902000126112012-02-13T17:34:40.647-08:002012-02-13T17:34:40.647-08:00@Cloud- just read through all those comments. Phew...@Cloud- just read through all those comments. Phew! But back to the mental load bit. I know you've chosen day care as the situation that works for your family, but one of the benefits of hiring a nanny -- especially a very good, Mary Poppins-esque one -- is that she can handle a lot of the mental load stuff. Like remembering which week a kid is supposed to bring snack to school, that Wednesday is show-and-tell day, etc.Laura Vanderkamhttp://www.lauravanderkam.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-64187333232909711602012-02-11T13:34:08.563-08:002012-02-11T13:34:08.563-08:00Yes, yes and yes to everything in this post! Like...Yes, yes and yes to everything in this post! Like others commented, the mental load thing is a huge one. I have realised recently on a few occasions that DH doesn't really know how much I am responsible for in a day at work. Which is manageable enough when things are running smoothly at home. But when everything runs amok at the same time, he's either perplexed about why I'm so stressed or less supportive than he could be. Gotta start giving him more details about work so he can help even the home mental load when things get awry at work. <br /><br />Quite frankly, the reverse happens too. I carry most of the mental load (as in remembering the things that have to get done) at home and especially for DS. Organization and remembering things are not naturally DH's strong suit (even before kids), so it's something that easily slips into my court. I don't (in general) mind doing the work, but when things get out of balance, I need the additional mental help from DH and he's not so quick to respond in that area. But it is getting better with practice.<br /><br />Two events on the topic stick out in my mind. And I think my blowing up about them kind of forced DH to face the fact that perhaps he didn't quite understand how much I was contributing on the mental side. One time while I was doing our quarterly finance review I wanted to review my findings and suggestions for improvement with DH. DH says casually "Oh, it's OK, I don't need to know the details... I trust you." And then mentions that he's happy to hand over his paycheck each week and I tell him how much $$ to deposit where, how much spending $$ he has etc. I totally lost it on him. There's no way in hell I want all of the mental load and stress of making all of our financial decisions (and the resulting benefits or consequences). I was so pissed. I think DH didn't think of it that way. He thought of it more as paying the bills and as task like things, but not mental energy or stress things. I think the intensity of my response woke him up on that subject.<br /><br />Another time, shortly after having DS, we were visiting friends (also with young kids) and the husband (an overall really great guy and engaged father) was saying how he couldn't understand how his wife would not go to take a shower when she had 5 free minutes. She'd just 'do nothing'. And he'd nag her to go take a shower (or do whatever errand it was that she mentioned wanting to get done). <br /><br />I remember speaking up at the time that OMG! Sometimes you need to just sit and reclaim your mental space. Especially when you have an infant/toddler. Your life at that point is SO dictated by their schedule that sometimes you just need to pull back from scheduling or doing something RIGHT NOW...even if you were dying for a shower. Sometimes mental space was just more important.<br /><br />I type this as I'm on a 5 day business trip. I was just thinking yesterday that it is the ultimate pleasure to not have to take care of anyone but myself. I miss DS, but this kind of break is really a treat. I'm hoping that DH is feeling at least part of the mental load I usually carry as he navigates daycare and full-time parenting for DS on the weekend.the millinernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-8580385699543421802012-02-10T22:23:56.192-08:002012-02-10T22:23:56.192-08:00Somehow I missed this post :)
That same justifica...Somehow I missed this post :)<br /><br />That same justification people use to say "this career isn't compatible with motherhood" is the same kind of crap people use to deny requests for flexible work arrangements. There are *very* few jobs in my company/industry that couldn't accomodate a part-time schedule, or a compressed work week, or telecommuting, etc. We have all the tools and technology to make it work. But people are not yet ready to wrap their heads around that. I'm truly sad about it (and will hang on to my precious part-time gig for as long as I can...)<br /><br />I think everyone's work limit is different, everyone's idea of balance and priorities are different, so it makes no sense to pass judgment on others when you don't live in their lives. <br /><br />I don't get why @Cloud saying she likes working full time is somehow a denigration of someone else's choice to stay home or why she has to put in a disclaimer each time.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15212690454989568626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-38155998593936944432012-02-10T13:51:06.113-08:002012-02-10T13:51:06.113-08:00@mom2boy
I like to think of balance as standing i...@mom2boy<br /><br />I like to think of balance as standing in the middle of a teeter-totter. You don't have to get it straight in the middle, you just have to keep either end from hitting the ground.<br /><br />(That analogy may date me as I think teeter-totters may be considered too dangerous for playgrounds!)nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-71844633097586450102012-02-10T10:08:29.096-08:002012-02-10T10:08:29.096-08:00"My FAMILY comes first. Kids who come first e..."My FAMILY comes first. Kids who come first end up being entitled little pricks with helicopter parents who are PITA in the classroom and in life until they get beaten down when they're finally away from their parents."<br /><br />So true. One of the things I love most about this blog is the honesty about the choices you have to make in life. I personally would have a sitter/nanny by now if I were Cloud but she (you) makes it work for her and her family. <br /><br />As an example, I love knowing that family dinner is a priority and hearing about the actual steps involved in making that happen and when other things get in the way or just become temporarily more important. Maybe it's because balance it important to me. Not "the perfect balance" but balance that I can work at achieve more often than not. <br /><br />And vacations with kids are not vacations unless planned properly. This was a revelation. And torture until I got a handle on it.mom2boyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00784436196685595115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-54794257322603306932012-02-10T09:15:18.750-08:002012-02-10T09:15:18.750-08:00Hmm..I think I commented earlier but now I'm l...Hmm..I think I commented earlier but now I'm late to the conversation. I just wanted to add that I, too, suffer from the mental task overload so I enjoy reading your tips and the tips in the comments. For some reason, I tend to be the one that keeps the mental load and it does seem that most working women I know keep the mental load for social / family calendars. <br /><br />Anyway, I second what N&M said, FAMILY comes first and that is doing best for the whole family. If that means not going to every single one of your kid's baseball games, that's ok. (I would go to some of course but sometimes you want spouse time or alone time, or need to work!) <br /><br />I think your career is "big" enough and in fact, more relatable than the top CEOs who can afford tons of support/help and probably have more flexibility than the average worker bee.oilandgarlichttp://oilandgarlic.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-42100794077282655412012-02-10T07:14:14.072-08:002012-02-10T07:14:14.072-08:00Hey folks, feel free to go off on tangents! They a...Hey folks, feel free to go off on tangents! They are fun to read.<br /><br />@anonymous who thinks I was belittling people who made a different choice, that goes for you, too. I am fine with opposing voices in my comments section as long as they are all respectful. And so far, they are.<br /><br />I can't write a long comment now, but I would say- go and really read the profiles of Sandberg. She's portrayed as being "lucky". I'm not sure she's being celebrated. There is a lot of implied judgement of her mothering in some of what I've read- the idea that she's not actually there for her kids. I don't know whether she is or not. But when our society says things like "a career in X is incompatible with motherhood"- and we DO say that about careers in science, btw, I've read it many places- then we are "disappearing" women like me. Or we are saying that women like me are probably either bad mothers or are short-changing their careers. <br /><br />When I say that I don't think I am doing any of that, it is not saying that I think that combing a career in science with motherhood is the right thing for every woman. I'm just saying that it is clearly not "impossible", because I'm doing it.<br /><br />Now, you could go write a post and say it was impossible FOR YOU, and that would be fine. But the things I've read that go on about how its impossible aren't personal blogs. They are articles in major publications and reports from groups trying to understand the gender gap in science.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-50122572532142360302012-02-10T06:05:18.627-08:002012-02-10T06:05:18.627-08:00@jen, I hear what you're saying. There's ...@jen, I hear what you're saying. There's a lot of privilege in being able to balance a "big" career and parenting - having a real partner (or a partner at all - not everyone does), having a job that pays enough for the extras, and/or having family nearby to help. The choices can become much harder & more complex the more a family struggles financially. At the same time, even in the middle-tier of careers (between some barely making ends meet and the Sharon whoevers) women struggle fiercely the push-and-pull. Even if I could outsource my entire life (nanny, cleaning, chef), I wager I would still have the "mental space" issue. It's hard.<br /><br />Anyway, I'm sorry, Cloud, I know that's a bit off-topic. Your post was about X and I imagine it can be frustrating when folks try to talk about Y (and then blame you for the post not being about Y, cf. anon).<br /><br />I am in true sympathy with your entire post. I'm also trying to have a "big" career and small children, and it takes a pretty big toll on me. I hear the mental space issue, and I have confess I shove a LOT of those things off onto my partner these days. But during the long chunks of time I'm alone with the kids, I'm just holding on by a thread just to keep the daily machine running, let alone little "extras" like doctor's appointments and bill paying.Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-12466353783848536252012-02-10T05:28:04.981-08:002012-02-10T05:28:04.981-08:00the mean anon is just lame. ignore them.the mean anon is just lame. ignore them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-57970450013177112082012-02-10T05:04:37.946-08:002012-02-10T05:04:37.946-08:00... thinking on it... I'd much rather have my ...... thinking on it... I'd much rather have my children be a hobby than be work. Hobbies are fun. Work, not always. And, of course, nobody is paying me cash money for my kids, rather the opposite. Just like hobbies, I exchange time and money for happiness and a sense of accomplishment.<br /><br />Now, of course, it's a hobby you can't just drop, but why would anyone want to drop such a pleasant hobby?<br /><br />And anyone who argues that raising children is much too important to be merely a hobby...well, that's denigrating childless people whose hobbies fall into the "saving the world" category. There are a lot of things a person can do in their unpaid free time that make the world a better place.nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-56226304765471288052012-02-10T04:56:52.384-08:002012-02-10T04:56:52.384-08:00re: lists and lightening the mental load at home
...re: lists and lightening the mental load at home<br /><br />My mom had a calendar in the kitchen with everything listed on it for each day. We were all responsible for looking at it.<br /><br />Right now DH and I use our pocket calendars and we each have everything listed. We're both responsible for keeping track and sometimes we both forget, but since we both forgot, we can't blame each other. That isn't as efficient, but as we bumble our way through life it seems to work. Once #2 is here we may have to add that kitchen calendar.<br /><br />We also do paper lists and occasionally google docs as needed. Meal planning is our biggest mental load thing these days so we try to get that worked out on the weekend so we don't have to think about it during the week.nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-85546043678490524032012-02-10T04:45:49.760-08:002012-02-10T04:45:49.760-08:00p.s. @Cloud
Obviously you're just awesome. ...p.s. @Cloud<br /><br />Obviously you're just awesome. <br /><br />http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/why-do-i-have-everything/<br /><br />http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2011/03/13/it-is-hard-being-perfect/nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-14599270149988679352012-02-10T04:04:21.969-08:002012-02-10T04:04:21.969-08:00@anonymous...
1. Maybe your partner sucks as a t...@anonymous...<br /><br />1. Maybe your partner sucks as a true partner. Maybe you need to hire more help with other things. Maybe you're just not as organized or bright as the lady who gave the talk (after all, she is a top person in a male-dominated field). Maybe she had more hobbies pre-kids. Just because kids have had a bigger impact on your career than on a top person in her field doesn't mean that she's a bad mother. It could just mean she's a better worker or she has more support than you do. I can do a lot of what I do because my husband is the most awesome daddy and husband on the face of the planet. Most male partners are much more disengaged, especially when it comes to mental load. <br /><br />2. My kids don't come first. My FAMILY comes first. Kids who come first end up being entitled little pricks with helicopter parents who are PITA in the classroom and in life until they get beaten down when they're finally away from their parents. Our family is a team with all members equally important (based on need and so on) and all members pulling their weight. My family has produced generations of strong successful responsible middle-class working women and men who are proud of their parents and siblings with this strategy. <br /><br />You can try to guilt me into thinking I'm a terrible mother, but what I do worked for my mother and her mother and her mother before her and so on. I turned out perfect, as did my sister (as did my mom and aunts). My son is turning out perfect. If I changed anything, then we might move away from that optimum. My kid is strong and independent and loved and he's not going to be the one who is helpless at college when it comes to taking care of himself. He'll be the one showing other kids how to do their laundry or grocery shop and so on, just like I was. There's a satisfaction in being able to do things yourself rather than having mommy wait on you all your life. And he won't be expecting a woman to wait on him when he grows up either, which means I have a better chance of getting an awesome daughter-in-law should that be the direction he swings.<br /><br />And that is not to say that all SAHM are helicopter parents. They're not. Most of them have lives outside their children. Most of them know how to discipline their children so they don't try to brain other kids with tool-boxes. But the ones who try to lecture me on being a bad person because I don't have to work but I do anyway (or who were passive-aggressive at my mom growing up)-- IRL at least, their kids tend to be spoiled brats incapable of polite relations with society. We'd always say, "Man, that woman needs to get a job. Her kids would be so much better off." And it would be true.<br /><br />How's that for controversial?nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-49391138394421857612012-02-10T04:00:34.799-08:002012-02-10T04:00:34.799-08:00Thanks so much for this. It resonated so much with...Thanks so much for this. It resonated so much with my life.<br /><br />I agree that "we are sometimes a bit too narrow in our focus when we talk about work-life balance and "big careers""<br /><br />I may be wrong, but I feel like women with "big careers" often have it easier because they can hire a lot more people to help. I was asking my friend's boss about how she achieved the work-life balance thing (I am always asking successful women this) and she said "the key is having lots of people around you to support you." She then rattled through all the people she hires to help her. I was staggered. I mean, good for her, but I am not sure work-life balance is as much an issue for her as it is for parents like me who spend most of their income on child care and just simply cannot afford the additional nanny to pick them up from nursery and put them to bed, the cleaner, the personal assistant, the babysitter who babysits EVERY Saturday evening etc...jennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-53472006444435496252012-02-10T03:02:15.880-08:002012-02-10T03:02:15.880-08:00I regularly get the "I don't know how you...I regularly get the "I don't know how you do it all" thing too. In fact, I got it last night from one of my peers that wors closely with both me and my husband. There is certainly judging involved in those statements like you said in one of your comments. <br /><br />I can also SO relate to the home to do list. My husband does a lot at home, but it's the routine stuff...baths, dishes, etc. and he always says our life is easy and manageable. But he doesn't do a lot of the random stuff...like getting stuff when the kids outgrow them, or umpteen school related things or taxes or vacation planning, ...some of that stuff takes a lot of time and I think in a way, I do myself a disservice by doing a lot of it behind the scenes.First gen americanhttp://firstgenamerican.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-90591117567206550372012-02-10T03:00:07.004-08:002012-02-10T03:00:07.004-08:00keep writing Cloud, just as you do. People who mak...keep writing Cloud, just as you do. People who make different decisions will always be defensive when they read. It is a sad aspect of the "mommy wars"<br /><br /> The "space" work occupies is huge, so huge i couldn't even bring myself to comment yesterday! I swear technology just makes it worse. Seems like we should be able to use tech more effectively to keep track of the rest, but I fall back on writing on my hand for the super impt stuff. My brain holds only a certain amount and after that anything else falls away<br /><br />I do find it hilarious that I had a PA when I had no kids, and now I don't. I feel badly about spending the money!feMOMhisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17192104351023271207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-79414127537616865202012-02-09T23:53:57.225-08:002012-02-09T23:53:57.225-08:00“And really, @anonymous? You found this post confr...“And really, @anonymous? You found this post confrontational? Wow. Do yourself a favor and stay away from feminist blogs….”<br /><br />Oh, I assure, I have no problem with confrontational! :-) In fact, I’ll take confrontational and thought-provoking over sweet but bland any day.<br /><br />Yes, you were clearly having a bad day and needed to vent. You said that in your original post and I pretty much ignored it – my bad! In that case, come back to my comments when you are feeling better – they were aimed at your head, not your heart.<br /><br />The one thing I did want to address is this:<br /><br />“But if people like me are not allowed to write our truth without someone coming and raining on our parade- we just continue to disappear into the cultural shadows.”<br /><br />So you feel that you are “disappearing into the shadows”? See, from where I sit, it’s not the women who successfully balance career and family that are marginalized – the Sheryl Sandberg’s of the world are celebrated. Rather, it’s the women who tried to “have it all” but found they couldn’t (or didn’t want to) that are being erased. And a lot of times, they are erasing themselves, because it’s much easier to admit to being successful than to admit to having failed. (Even if they are not really “failures”….)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-48087851183003255802012-02-09T23:00:04.670-08:002012-02-09T23:00:04.670-08:00And really, @anonymous? You found this post confro...And really, @anonymous? You found this post confrontational? Wow. Do yourself a favor and stay away from feminist blogs. (And, for that matter, pretty much everything the NY Times writes about motherhood.) I'm a sweet, cuddly puppy in comparison.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-58453047618184451712012-02-09T22:57:20.042-08:002012-02-09T22:57:20.042-08:00@anonymous- I don't think I should have to inc...@anonymous- I don't think I should have to include a statement about how I think other choices are equally valid in every post I write about being a working mother. <br /><br />This post wasn't about the choice to work or stay home, or even the choice to keep prioritizing my career vs easing off a bit. It was about the fact that it is possible to work in a reasonably challenging career and still have a home life. <br /><br />The fact that some people (including, I guess, you?) found it not to be what they wanted to do has no bearing whatsoever on my original point, because WE ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Living in different situations. We each made our choices to do what we think is best in our own lives. My post about my life was not an implied judgement on your life, or anyone else's. We can all have equally happy lives, deserving of respect, while doing completely different things.<br /><br />I don't go read the entire back catalog of any random blog post I come across either, so I don't blame you for not doing this before. But, really- go look at what else I've written on this subject. I don't think my choices are better than anyone else's. <br /><br />I never put myself in anyone else's shoes in this post. That was all in your interpretation, I'm afraid. Which is fine- once I write something, it is out there to be interpreted how anyone sees fit. But I was writing about a crappy day, how that led me to realize that my own husband (who is most definitely not an asshat) doesn't really know what I'm doing at work... and how maybe if I were a bit more direct about what my work entails, I wouldn't get slapped down as not really understanding what it is like to balance motherhood with a "big career". <br /><br />I'm sorry you feel looked down upon by me. That is not my intent, and honestly- that is not in my heart. Go read that "Anyway you do it, it is hard" post. I really, really think there is no easy way to be a parent.<br /><br />But if people like me are not allowed to write our truth without someone coming and raining on our parade- we just continue to disappear into the cultural shadows. And that doesn't do anyone any good.<br /><br />If we stop pushing the idea that some careers are incompatible with being a good mother, it does not follow that anyone who takes a career break to devote more time to being a mother is a failure as a person or even in their career. It just means that the career itself is not incompatible with being a good mother. Which, in the case of my career, I believe to be true, because some people do it- and not just me.<br /><br />And now I'm going to bed. I'm sorry my post made you feel bad. It wasn't my intent. But I also don't think I wrote anything that should make anyone feel bad.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.com