tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post7630698839705678724..comments2024-02-05T05:15:04.759-08:00Comments on Wandering Scientist: Bit and PiecesCloudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-83424873555777199392012-07-03T20:54:38.655-07:002012-07-03T20:54:38.655-07:00Hmmm...20's was university, lots of having fun...Hmmm...20's was university, lots of having fun, working really hard, not making a lot of $$ and struggling with finding 'the one' (or rather finding out that 'the one' was not 'the one), focus on career.<br /><br />Early 30's was owning my life (such a relief to know who you are), making a big move (city wise & career wise), finding 'the one', and lots of focus on career.<br /><br />Late 30's was buying our first house, getting pregnant and the first few years of life with DS. The adjustment to motherhood for me was in a way easy and in many ways hard (for many of the reasons mentioned above). <br /><br />I was just re-reading the book 'Mothering Styles' last night and read the part on introversion. (Or perhaps it was the part on INFJ or INFS mother styles...sleep deprived...can't remember & too tired to check!!) <br /><br />The general comment was that typically introverted mothers will tend to put the family first before taking time for herself and will more likely spread herself too thin (hello!) and that typically introverted fathers will tend to take the time they need to recharge first, thus appearing to be more distant. I know they are gross generalizations (and there's a whole bunch of details I'm leaving out), but when I read this portion in the book I was amazed at how much it described our situation at home.<br /><br />Early 40's (so far) is continuing the adventure and it's totally fun and amazing to watch DS' personality emerge. I feel pretty secure in my identity both within and outside of motherhood now (and how I want to combine the two). Not that it's easy, but at least it feels more like a case of logistics now instead of identity, at least for the most part. <br /><br />Being in a non-optimum sleep phase right now, I think sleep cannot be underestimated as a factor in how well someone is managing / making sense of it all. Things are just so much darker/intense/more complicated with less (or I should probably say not enough consecutive hours of) sleep. I know this, and yet still, it takes me a few weeks of being in a phase to recognize it. As much as I feel like I make progress in the different areas of my life, lack of sleep just knocks it back a notch or five.<br /><br />But, on the whole, things are good.the millinernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-60799686240288577522012-07-03T20:18:06.793-07:002012-07-03T20:18:06.793-07:00I wish my mom was in the same city as we were. (We...I wish my mom was in the same city as we were. (We have no grandparents close by). I know our life would be different, and I can see the many advantages we'd have. On the days/periods when I really feel like I need a break, I miss this the most.<br /><br />But, we are where we are and we want to stay here (at least for now), so it's the choice we made. We cobble together support from close friends, some great grand-parent like neighbours and our daycare is amazing (one of the teachers just offered to be an extra back up for pick up in case we're late - we don't live or work near the daycare and if we get stuck on the highway, it's impossible to make it before closing). My mom is 2 hrs away and can help out for a few days with a bit of notice. Most of the time we just plain make-do (for things like getting some time alone together).<br /><br />But it's great to read these comments. We've been planning for a long time to get a house cleaner and we've really got to get that going.the millinernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-18175653483505167302012-07-03T20:05:04.498-07:002012-07-03T20:05:04.498-07:00We are two introverts in this house (and probably ...We are two introverts in this house (and probably a third in the making) and I think this is one of our biggest challenges - carving out that down time while managing to meet our family's needs, and our responsibilities at home and work. On good days, I think it's all manageable. On bad days it feels all consuming. Needless to say, it's still a work in progress.the millinernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-55364803529991157592012-07-03T14:58:09.045-07:002012-07-03T14:58:09.045-07:00I've struggled a lot with guilt in general -- ...I've struggled a lot with guilt in general -- not as a mother, since I'm not one yet, but as... well, a big one is that I'm almost 30 and not very happy with my career thus far. My best, most "real" job since college is the one I currently have, as a secretary/office manager at a very small organization. Between this and college I've worked retail and for family.<br /><br />I really want to be a novelist, and I don't feel like I'm making the kind of progress on that front that I "ought" to. I wouldn't mind never being able to quit my day job (though day job plus writing plus parenting... ikes), but I'm still not moving forward very often. I have one completed rough draft. Sort of. It needs some major additions before I can even get down to work editing. And I've had this draft for what... ack, over three years now, I think. Sigh.<br /><br />But. Overall I'd say I'm doing better with the guilt, these days. I'm kind of looking forward to turning 30. The major realization for me... well, when I look back to who I was and where I was at 20, it becomes a lot easier to see the growth. And the fits and starts, all the flailing, it was all important to make me who I am today. I like that.Marcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03334283552080882052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-69350205290340698992012-07-03T13:08:10.394-07:002012-07-03T13:08:10.394-07:00Nice :)Nice :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15212690454989568626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-86904919405415017752012-07-03T08:36:52.375-07:002012-07-03T08:36:52.375-07:00Oh yes, me too!
I watched that PBS special that s...Oh yes, me too! <br />I watched that PBS special that someone on your blog recommended, "This Emotional Life" (available on Netflix): they say that people are actually happier the older they get (less anxiety about the future, more professionally and socially established, more money, knowing self better, often in a committed relationship, all that good stuff). Apparently, happiness really kicks in around 50, and if you are in good health you continue to be very content presumably until you die! Isn't that awesome?GMPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17872461021953583473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-15278185095901496132012-07-03T07:22:15.972-07:002012-07-03T07:22:15.972-07:00Thanks, all, for replies. I certainly don't t...Thanks, all, for replies. I certainly don't think it's (always) essential, and I realize (actual) extended family support is unavailable to some parents no matter what due either to dysfunction (of same) or geography (and perhaps simply personal preference -- I mean, I'm not saying "you "<i>should</i> want it). And, sure, I get that it can be replaced (in a sense -- not that a great nanny necessarily "equals" a grandparent or vice versa, but that they may be in many ways interchangeable, and each may come with their own pros/cons), at a price. But I have to say that for me, either that price would have been really, really vast, or the substitution would have been far inferior to what I in fact get, and while that may not be (clearly isn't) universal, I think it's pretty common.<br /><br />I think we should more willingly embrace the idea that people who refuse to relocate to advance their careers are making (in some/many) cases "good" choices (this is partly, but far from exclusively, related to parenting small children). How this fits with folks stuck in economically truly blighted areas I don't know but to the extent that employers want to attract the best-and-brightest, limiting that to "folks willing to relocate" (especially repeatedly) seems problematic.Alexicographerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06029216139568740202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-30909499213172355352012-07-03T07:04:32.381-07:002012-07-03T07:04:32.381-07:00@GMP- I'm hoping for even better 40s!@GMP- I'm hoping for even better 40s!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-1013737841642867832012-07-03T07:03:33.315-07:002012-07-03T07:03:33.315-07:00Oh that sucks. I'm sorry. ):Oh that sucks. I'm sorry. ):Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-44947841056843116932012-07-03T05:59:37.258-07:002012-07-03T05:59:37.258-07:00Sometimes it happens... There's a little boy a...Sometimes it happens... There's a little boy at my kids' daycare who was ear-infection free till after the 1st birthday. And then it pretty much went non-stop and he got tubes...<br />In my opinion, some of these recurrent ear infections are just one that never goes away. For instance, when we cultured some gunk from the baby's ear it was a Strep Pneumoniae strain that does not really respond to amoxicillin, so the Amoxicillin or Augmentin, which are the first line of defense and which they would probably give you in that case would not work, but you wouldn't know and it would just keep coming back... Try to have them culture the gunk if Petunia's ear bursts again, so you can get more specific about the antibiotic it would respond to. Hope Petunia's ear troubles are short lived!GMPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17872461021953583473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-43951871045142621702012-07-03T05:58:11.632-07:002012-07-03T05:58:11.632-07:00This just in: It came. It is really bad. *sigh*...This just in: It came. It is really bad. *sigh*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-26261583390517567092012-07-03T05:52:49.565-07:002012-07-03T05:52:49.565-07:00Thirties are the best, aren't they? :-)Thirties are the best, aren't they? :-)GMPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17872461021953583473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-37051929443525442192012-07-03T04:21:07.468-07:002012-07-03T04:21:07.468-07:00Grrrr. It is now "tomorrow morning" and...Grrrr. It is now "tomorrow morning" and still no proposal, and no new update for when it's going to show up. Hopefully during my doctor's appointment this morning. I guess I'll have to figure out what is next on my to-do list in terms of priority that I can suddenly drop when the stupid grant comes at the last minute (since I've pretty much exhausted my things to do that fit that description over the past few days of "it will come today"). I hate it when other people's bad planning messes with my scheduling.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-13863294659481260102012-07-02T22:55:06.300-07:002012-07-02T22:55:06.300-07:00We have a lot of discussions on this topic @ work ...We have a lot of discussions on this topic @ work as there are MANY people from other countries at my company.<br /><br />Those with 2 full time working parents rely a lot on: nanny, daycare, Amazon Fresh grocery delivery, house cleaners, gardeners, etc.<br /><br />It's definitely doable though it takes a certain amount of project management to set all those systems up.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15212690454989568626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-68546151563939589442012-07-02T22:52:21.994-07:002012-07-02T22:52:21.994-07:00Some days I wake up and have no freakin' clue ...Some days I wake up and have no freakin' clue how I got here :) In a good way. I'm finally happy. I spent most of my teens and 20s wishing for the day I'd have my own house, a decent job and a partner, and thinking I'd never get all that. I was pretty unhappy.<br /><br />And then in my 30s it all fell into place. The transition to motherhood for me was actually pretty easy and awesome, no doubt because I LOVE babies, I have a hubby who pulls his weight (and more), and we got lucky with a kid who sleeps reasonably (fingers crossed for #2). I love being a mama more than I ever imagined.<br /><br />My only current quibble is some work uncertainty around job responsibilities and whether I'll be able to keep my part-time schedule after mat leave ends but right now I am trying not to worry about things out of my direct control as there is so much I need to do to prep for Baby 2. <br /><br />And so much I WANT to do for myself now that I finally have a bit of time and don't have a newborn yet.<br /><br />Is this where I'm supposed to add my disclaimers about how this is just my experience and YMMV? And how I get that things are hard for a lot of people? :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15212690454989568626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-16175601604722985242012-07-02T22:44:39.730-07:002012-07-02T22:44:39.730-07:00YES!! I'm another extrovert here and so is my...YES!! I'm another extrovert here and so is my husband, so with the nonstop talking of the toddler sometimes we just need a freakin' break :)<br /><br />That has been hard for me. I think a lot of things also suck much worse when one isn't getting enough sleep.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15212690454989568626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-55229554737895362542012-07-02T21:16:32.312-07:002012-07-02T21:16:32.312-07:00@Nicoleandmaggie, @GMP- thanks for adding your tho...@Nicoleandmaggie, @GMP- thanks for adding your thoughts on making it all work w/o nearby family.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-42305930161214046072012-07-02T21:14:58.392-07:002012-07-02T21:14:58.392-07:00We know a couple that hired a night nurse to help ...We know a couple that hired a night nurse to help them through the first three months or so. I have no idea how much that cost, but they are well off but not ridiculously wealthy. <br /><br />I think most of the other stuff is replaceable at more reasonable rates. As @Nicoleandmaggie mention below, college kids are one resource. There is a service here called College Nannies and Tutors that I was going to look into if we'd ended up with a less optimal school arrangement. There are also emergency nanny services (basically, they'll come in as back up child care when your kids are sick). I looked into those and decided it was just as cost effective to fly my mom over- but they were still within reach for us. Of course, we're fairly well off.<br /><br />But I agree with the basic point- having family who can help out is a huge benefit. We are very lucky in that regard. I like to think that we would have figured things out without the help, but obviously, there is no way to know what different decisions we would have made.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-32946708043608369062012-07-02T20:59:57.627-07:002012-07-02T20:59:57.627-07:00I'm a HUGE extrovert, and even so, I still wan...I'm a HUGE extrovert, and even so, I still want some time alone- with QUIET- now and then. I can only imagine how much stronger that craving would be if I were an introvert.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-20804443615024103142012-07-02T20:58:54.715-07:002012-07-02T20:58:54.715-07:00Thanks for this. It sounds like you are raising so...Thanks for this. It sounds like you are raising some great boys.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-65620361516359780132012-07-02T20:57:02.219-07:002012-07-02T20:57:02.219-07:00It is great that you're getting out of the sur...It is great that you're getting out of the survival mode phase. That feels great, doesn't it? When you look around and realize- hey! I'm no longer swimming as hard as I can just to keep my head above water! Maybe I could actually <i>go</i> somewhere!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-12628569265084943182012-07-02T20:55:56.844-07:002012-07-02T20:55:56.844-07:00Thanks! This sudden ear issue with Petunia is puzz...Thanks! This sudden ear issue with Petunia is puzzling- it seems so weird to get through the baby years (and the gazillion infections that came with those) with almost no ear infections- and no burst ear drums- and to start having troubles now, when she is over 2 years old. But it is what it is. We'll just have to figure things out.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-17313073051729919012012-07-02T20:54:40.133-07:002012-07-02T20:54:40.133-07:00Here's hoping baby #2 hangs out inside long en...Here's hoping baby #2 hangs out inside long enough to get to term- and to let you get that grant proposal done!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-90890067649975460772012-07-02T19:16:17.461-07:002012-07-02T19:16:17.461-07:00My parents and in-laws are an ocean away, and then...My parents and in-laws are an ocean away, and then some, so no help from family. We like it that way, honestly, because I'd never hear the end of it with my mother if she ever did actually help us in a significant way. Hub's mother did come to stay with us when eldest was 5 months old so we could save on daycare (we were in grad school and totally broke). She had a stroke the year after and has never come to visit since... :-(<br /><br />Hub and I have done pretty much everything on our own except that stint with the oldest kid. We don't really even hire babysitters because I somehow find it intrusive and scary to have a stranger in my home, alone with my kids... My eldest is 12, so I am expecting him to start babysitting soon. But we're used to going everywhere with kids now, and since Hub and I work 5 min from each other, we can go out to lunch alone... And we have a lot of couples time after the kids' bedtimes, so it's all good. <br /><br />But all the newborn night walking has been just me. The adrenalin makes it doable.GMPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17872461021953583473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-27597471392140321082012-07-02T18:09:51.241-07:002012-07-02T18:09:51.241-07:00Thanks. :) They didn't get the grant proposa...Thanks. :) They didn't get the grant proposal to me today, despite promising it. But DH and DC deep cleaned the house while I was at work today, so other than feeling antsy about work work, the nesting instinct has calmed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com