tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post9030222340199833218..comments2024-02-05T05:15:04.759-08:00Comments on Wandering Scientist: A Peek into the Stream of Consciousness of a Working MomCloudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-35094517752925015152012-07-07T22:22:22.084-07:002012-07-07T22:22:22.084-07:00Odd as it may seem, I agree with both of you philo...Odd as it may seem, I agree with both of you philosophically, because I enjoy chores. Chalk it up to my workaholism or work ethic. <br /><br />I expect working/chore weekends which alternate with quiet weekends and that's fine. <br /><br />If I'm being totally honest, my real struggle starts with my health, and my brain after it, which means I can't really do what I used to. There's some dissonance in trying to figure out how to function the way I want or need to.<br />But that'll come with time.<br /><br />Post - when you're ready!Revanchehttp://www.agaishanlife.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-70346499632909996752012-07-06T21:06:35.464-07:002012-07-06T21:06:35.464-07:00You make some good points, thanks! I'm still h...You make some good points, thanks! I'm still hoping I'll be able to do neither for the first two years -- taking my baby to work with me, as my predecessor did -- but we'll see. It certainly won't be easy!Marcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03334283552080882052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-39316335130069911212012-07-05T15:46:11.012-07:002012-07-05T15:46:11.012-07:00Keep in mind the entire cost of being out of work ...Keep in mind the entire cost of being out of work when you make this decision-- half your paycheck may not be such a bad sacrifice depending on your situation. Ignore the rant at the beginning-- here's some discussion of full pros and cons, not just the point-in-time wage analysis: http://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/the-wohsah-decision-finances/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-39742323047525368452012-07-05T14:39:35.130-07:002012-07-05T14:39:35.130-07:00Okay, thanks! On further reflection I realized tha...Okay, thanks! On further reflection I realized that even if it only cost $6/hr., calculating by the times I'm currently leaving and getting back to my house, it'd be almost half my paycheck after taxes. It'd be pretty hard to make that work, but... at least it wouldn't be my whole paycheck. I'll keep your tips in mind, especially about the YMCA!Marcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03334283552080882052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-464054284119661092012-07-03T22:30:48.013-07:002012-07-03T22:30:48.013-07:00You might want to look into the smaller in-home pl...You might want to look into the smaller in-home places, as opposed to the day care centers. The in-home providers tend to be cheaper, and some of them are awesome. Of course, some of them aren't awesome, but honestly, the same is true of day care centers. Visit them and trust your gut. You'll know which ones feel like a good fit for you. <br /><br />You might find the part time thing works better at a larger center, though- so unfortunately, you'll probably have to do a lot of calling around to find options.<br /><br />Here in San Diego, the YMCA keeps a list of day care providers, which can be a good resource for finding places to call.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-83357735628924408942012-07-03T14:29:32.704-07:002012-07-03T14:29:32.704-07:00Any thoughts on how to find affordable daycare? I&...Any thoughts on how to find affordable daycare? I've looked around a little bit online, but haven't made calls asking about prices.<br /><br />My husband and I are planning on me taking my girl to work after she's born (and after I've recovered), but how workable that will be will depend quite a bit on her.<br /><br />I'm curious about a plan B, but the daycare by my work (where I'll get an employee discount) won't take them until they're two, and I'm not sure what else I can afford. I make a semi-decent amount per hour, but I'm only part-time, and it seems like we've heard so much about mothers who barely even make enough to cover daycare, making the whole thing not worth it. I think I'm probably one of them, but I should probably be sure...Marcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03334283552080882052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-83665061920376664452012-07-03T07:31:34.571-07:002012-07-03T07:31:34.571-07:00I love your husband's comment about the false ...I love your husband's comment about the false expectations - will remember that the next time one of our weeks starts to look like this again, because there will be another one! <br /><br />A good friend and I have been talking about plans for the transition to kindergarten occasionally on our runs for a year now (we have another year to go) and the changes it will bring and what we will be doing about it. Lots of good ideas being thrown around that will come together as the time comes closer. Will probably involve a local art school, 80% for me, and being home for the bus about 2-3 days/wk.....and lots of support by my partner/hubby with the second munchkin at daycare/preschool. <br /><br />I'm so amazingly lucky that I have choices though - this sentence rang so true: "And no matter how much you think you know how you'll feel once you have kids, you also know deep down that you won't actually know anything at all until you're holding your first born in your arms- and maybe not even then."<br /><br />A lot has to do with the munchkins and who they are too....<br /><br />Sorry totally rambling...head halfway stuck with work things too. LOL!Kerry Swifthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01264683322188151660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-33008072853659587332012-06-30T21:34:53.582-07:002012-06-30T21:34:53.582-07:00I think you just do what needs doing, and as long ...I think you just do what needs doing, and as long as the things that are keeping you crazy busy are things that you really want in your life, you aren't miserable. Or at least that's what I think is going on in my life. Even though I had an intense week on both the work and home fronts, I'm not miserable. I'm tired, and a little crankier than I should be, but I'm basically still happy. <br /><br />My husband has a different theory: he thinks that the problems come because people have a false expectation of a carefree, easy life. Such a life is very rare, if it exists. He says he just expects that weekends are for chores, so it doesn't really bother him when that's what he does all weekend. In this theory, I am one of the deluded people who expected differently, because I HATE when my weekend is nothing but chores. But mostly, we've managed to fix it so that they aren't.<br /><br />BTW, I haven't forgotten that I owe you a guest post. June has been crazier than I expected. But I'll try to do it soon!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-66328205246138790782012-06-30T15:51:18.279-07:002012-06-30T15:51:18.279-07:00And once again I marvel that you are still more sa...And once again I marvel that you are still more sane in your taking care of THISMUCHMORE day in the life posts than I'm managing as a dogmom today. :) <br /><br />I was just lamenting on another blog that I really wish I knew how my mom did it. My dad wasn't around much of my early infanthood, off working and she taking care of two of us alone, and I know I was a PITA, and she neither had help nor a soul to confide in. She very quickly became the other half of a two-career pair upon my dad's return, while doing the lion's share of parenting, if not pretty much all of it, so I will always wonder how she managed it all without ever seeming to be miserable or overwhelmed. She was no saint or martyr, and we were expected to do our part but I do wonder about stepping up to that plate when I make similar decisions and how to make things work well for us.Revanchehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07293868300535734672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-47904590577795549832012-06-27T11:41:53.199-07:002012-06-27T11:41:53.199-07:00I absolutely love these "day in the life"...I absolutely love these "day in the life" posts. Really highlights the similarities & differences with my own. And I don't think I'll ever understand why women would feel guilty for WORKING of all things, or any other productive or nourishing endeavor. Maybe if I was dropping them off at daycare to shop & have boozy lunches every day I'd feel guilty (note I said EVERY DAY, I'd also have no guilt doing this once every few months...hmmmm good idea!). Good for you for the running. I need to pick it back up. The kids have been getting up at 5:45 these days, so mornings have gotten tougher to navigate but its just an excuse. I can & should still do it.anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18320182732889825712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-83952669934987099612012-06-26T12:07:16.195-07:002012-06-26T12:07:16.195-07:00I just want to say thank you for talking about bei...I just want to say thank you for talking about being happy and fulfilled as working mom because I feel the same way. I am post-doc and love my job, I have a baby girl and I love her too. I don't feel torn or guilty or that I am always neglecting one part of my life. I feel like my life is full of wonderful challenging things I enjoy and wanted.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-5438621322702128452012-06-26T11:31:30.159-07:002012-06-26T11:31:30.159-07:00Glad to hear you're sticking with the early mo...Glad to hear you're sticking with the early morning running! It is true that, in general, people don't want stuff from you at 6 a.m. Except babies - but once you're past that, all better.Laura Vanderkamhttp://www.lauravanderkam.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-69681546362911836392012-06-26T09:24:16.058-07:002012-06-26T09:24:16.058-07:00Yup - Evan always seems to get sick when both DH a...Yup - Evan always seems to get sick when both DH and I are swamped at work. Maybe they feel like they have to give us some time off from work? ;)<br /><br />I do worry about adding another child and how that will flip everything upside down yet again. With the one, we have 2-2.5 hours every night to ourselves, and it's bliss. That will all go down the toilet - at least for a while - if we have another.<br /><br />But, like you said in another comment above, just because it will be HARD for a while, doesn't mean we'll be miserable. It will just be a new normal, and we'll figure out a balance again, whatever that looks like.Alyssahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01695509619557410413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-12065953449533926562012-06-26T07:28:06.800-07:002012-06-26T07:28:06.800-07:00Very good points about hard != miserable, and abou...Very good points about hard != miserable, and about taking some short term pain to get what you want long term. <br /><br />I sometimes think people have a mistaken idea that there is some "easy" way to be a mother. I have never seen it. I have an old post on that, but don't have time to dig it up now- must get to work for the second day of training!Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-45806606407306189682012-06-26T07:01:03.410-07:002012-06-26T07:01:03.410-07:00work home ganging up on me - yup, kids never seem ...work home ganging up on me - yup, kids never seem to get sick on weekend or during an easy week, always when we have schedules crunched as it is.feMOMhisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17192104351023271207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-31855606052338191892012-06-26T06:52:12.808-07:002012-06-26T06:52:12.808-07:00I would love to have a third baby, but I don't...I would love to have a third baby, but I don't think the delicate balance of our life can sustain it. There was a nice (short) post over at bluemilk this morning that dovetails nicely with this one, about how women want real information about how women handle their lives. It seems like you see that again and again, here - you're always saying how much people love your logistics posts. <br /><br />I love my life, too, but this year was very hard on me, and I'm not sure if I could - mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually - handle another like it. Work was super intense, and of course for 20 weeks I was on my own with the kids. I have a LOT of help from my parents, who usually come the weekends my husband isn't in town. I appreciate their help, but it's not the same as my partner, because when my parents are here, I'm still in charge, which is part of the emotional load. I worry about the long-term effects that my stress level has on me, and about the short term effects it has on my parenting. There's been a lot of yelling, which torments me. My 4 y.o. is incredibly sensitive and clearly cannot handle being yelled at, and I can't stop myself. <br /><br />There are particular challenges to having a husband come and go, because it means when he comes back (esp for short visits) it's often more disruptive than helpful; he's behind the curve on what the kids want/need/eat/are being disciplined, so I still have to oversee that when all I want to do is let go. Ah well, academic year after next we'll actually be together for the full year - 15 months in fact, the longest stretch I'll have spent with my husband in 6 years (only by then it'll be over 7 years). People often shake their head at us and say, I don't know how you do it. Mostly, I say back, I'm like a shark - I can't ever stop, because when I stop and think about it, it overwhelms me (when we have these conversations about our future) and I can't stop crying. That's the emotional toll I keep hidden from myself in order push forward. I know that makes my life sound grim and unappealing, but I'm trying to think about the long term, not just short term struggles. I have zero regret not waiting to have kids, I have zero regret about my career which is flourishing, I have zero regret about the man I married (best decision I ever made). Sometimes life is hard; or rather, sometimes life is hard in some ways. But hard doesn't equal miserable, or not worthwhile. I'm not afraid of hard things, as long as I'm getting what I want/need out of it, and I think as hard as all this is, that I am, that we are collectively.<br /><br />Oh, and don't even get me started on the "I shouldn't have to subsidize your choices" business. The answer to that IMO, isn't the stuff about retirement, it's the basic point that we all subsidize each other every minute of the day. It's called DEMOCRACY and community. Pubic infrastructure works the same way - not just schools, but hospitals, streets, trash, traffic signals, firefighters. (Also, that's how ALL private insurance works - subsidizing each other - , all the time since the dawn of insurance.) I've never had a house fire, but I don't go around to people who have and say, I'm not going to subsidize your bad luck! Cough up for the fire department's time! It's absurd. Some people might want to live like that, but I doubt they're the majority, and the childfree who make those remarks about kids are so steeped in their own privilege, they can't even see how they themselves are being subsidized. Drive a car on a road, dude? I'm subsidizing you. Drink clean water? I'm subsidizing you. So stfu./ end rant.Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-34562220091359346972012-06-26T06:18:29.838-07:002012-06-26T06:18:29.838-07:00Of course you'll be OK! Because the trade off ...Of course you'll be OK! Because the trade off for the extra care, etc. is pretty good. You get to watch a little person emerge again. Totally worth it! But I still don't want to do it again. :)Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-52009267597866981752012-06-26T06:17:09.299-07:002012-06-26T06:17:09.299-07:00Yeah, I would be surprised if I get an annoyed com...Yeah, I would be surprised if I get an annoyed comment or two about that bit.Cloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317847285050447789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-76847717517722755532012-06-26T05:33:53.405-07:002012-06-26T05:33:53.405-07:00I eat breakfast by myself for a little alone time ...I eat breakfast by myself for a little alone time in the morning.<br /><br />It's hard for me to remember how hectic those first 3 years were before DC was really able to start taking care of himself on his own. I suppose we'll get that reminder soon enough. I think we'll be ok, especially with DC helping.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-38189129557233656522012-06-26T04:57:51.669-07:002012-06-26T04:57:51.669-07:00God forbid the rest of society help pay for that s...<i> God forbid the rest of society help pay for that sort of thing. I wouldn't want to ask anyone to subsidize my choice to have children, after all. (Whenever I hear that argument I want to ask the person making it to guarantee that he- and it usually is a he- will not allow my children to subsidize his retirement, not even by funding the roads and the police in the city, and certainly not by providing any income support to buy food or medicine... but then I think, I don't want to live in that type of society, one where we'd let an old man starve just because he made obnoxious arguments in his youth, so I let it go.) </i><br /><br />Oh I am so with you on this one. This is by far the most obnoxious argument childless (or childfree) people make, and I want to punch them in the face every time. No, children are not just a personal decision; in most ways having children is in fact very much *unlike* buying a big plasma TV or taking spin classes. Yes, you have them because you want them, but they end up benefiting the rest of the society. Whoever doesn't see it simply doesn't want to look. I should stop now as this is inflammatory stuff, and I don't want to get my blood pressure boiling or hijack your thread... Great post, BTW!GMPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17872461021953583473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29235839.post-74503613406812737422012-06-26T04:50:44.129-07:002012-06-26T04:50:44.129-07:00But actually, the real reward is that I get 20-30 ...<i>But actually, the real reward is that I get 20-30 minutes of quiet. One of the things that I find most lacking in my life is quiet time, when no one wants anything from me.</i> <br /><br />I second, and third, and fourth this one! Quiet time is what I miss the most. I cherish short business trips, because when I am on a plane or driving long distances, for a little while nobody needs anything from me...<br /><br /><i>It honestly feels sometimes like it isn't so much that my work and my home life are in conflict as that they are ganging up on me. </i><br /><br />This is the best sentence EVER! :)GMPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17872461021953583473noreply@blogger.com