West with the Night

Particularly observant readers may have noticed that the "What I'm Reading" section has referred to West with the Night, by Beryl Markham, for quite awhile. I have been done with the book for quite some time, but I couldn't bring myself to change the book in that section until I wrote something more permanent about it, because it is a book that it seems has never gotten the readership that it deserves. It was basically lost until someone reading Ernest Hemingway's letters in 1982 found mention of it. The mention of the book in Hemingway's letters prompted a Californian named George Gutekunst to dig up the book, and get it re-published in 1983. It may have had a short-lived success then, but I originally came across the book on a bargain table, so I think it is fair to say that it has lapsed back into relative obscurity.

This is a real shame. There is some question about whether Ms. Markham actually wrote the book (see the wikipedia entry for a summary of her life and the controversy about the book's authorship), but there is no question that she led a fascinating life. She grew up in west Africa, became a horse trainer and then a pilot in a time (1920s-30s) when women didn't really do either of these things, and went on to fly a historic solo flight across the Atlantic. The book brings her exploits to life, but also paints a vivid picture of Africa at that time. I remember that it made me want to visit Africa when I first read it, and rereading it had the same effect.

I find Ms. Markham's memoir to be inspiring, not just for the things she did, but also for her no-nonsense and fun-loving attitude toward life, which the writing definitely conveys. The book reminds me that there are fewer limitations on us than we usually imagine there to be. If you haven't read it, I wholeheartedly recommend it.

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In other news: I won't be posting for a while, because we're going to be quite busy over the holidays. I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas/Happy Hannukah/etc. I'll be back in the new year!

Zenbit: Pines to Palms

Look closely at the "palms" on the balcony. They are made of pine tree branches!

Location: Balboa Island, California, USA
Date: November 8, 2008

The Perils of Matchmaking, Day Care Edition

I've recommended my day care to several people. Pregnant working women (and working moms who aren't too happy with their current situation) will almost always ask you where your kid goes to day care and whether you like it. I always tell people where we go, and say I do like it, and then answer all the follow up questions as honestly as I can.

Two people who asked me about where we send Pumpkin have ended up at the same day care we use. As far as I know, one is as happy as we are with the place. The other told me today that she is moving her baby as soon as she can find a different day care. I don't think I should tell her story about why on my blog- it is not my story. I will say that when I listened to the story as she told it, I could understand why she was so upset and wanted to move. But I also thought "gee, I think I would have seen these events in a completely different way." If the same things had happened to us when Pumpkin was that age, I don't think I would have even thought about making a change. I don't think it would even have occurred to me that anything might be wrong.

This got me thinking about the match between day care and child, and perhaps more importantly (at least at the younger ages) between day care and parents. Every parent has different things that worry him/her, and no day care can address every possible concern. So when you're interviewing day cares, what you should be trying to do is figure out if the your particular parenting neuroses are well-handled at the day care. Except, you're usually interviewing day cares when you're still pregnant, and you really have no idea what your neuroses will be. (Really, I would never have predicted that I would freak out so much about Pumpkin's eating. Given that our day care requires certain eating-related milestones before a baby moves up to the older infants room, this was a definite mismatch between me and my day care, and it did cause some angst.)

I guess it is a sign of my progress as a working mom that my friend's revelation didn't make me doubt my day care decision. Our day care is a good fit for us, but if it is not a good fit for her and her family, she should definitely find one that is. Or, if she can't find a day care that fits, she should get a nanny, which would give her more control over how things are done.

Still, I feel a strange guilt about this. I feel bad that my friend is going to have to go through the hassle of finding a day care again, when she thought this was done. And I feel bad that the center is having to deal with this obvious mismatch. It is probably creating some stress for the teachers that we really liked. It is sort of like the feeling you get when you try to hook two friends up and they totally don't hit it off.

I've sworn to listen supportively and non-judgmentally to my friend's concerns and her reports of the search for a new day care, but to keep my mouth shut and not offer any advice. Well, maybe I'll tell her to ask carefully about the biting policy....

Sanity Savers, Part I

I haven't posted in awhile because we're all sick here. Its just a cold, but its a bad one. Pumpkin has an ear infection, too. She was sent home from day care on Monday because she was crying non-stop. Few things make you feel like a worse mother than a call from day care to come get your daughter because she's been crying non-stop for over an hour and has rivers of snot coming out of her nose.

My Mom came over to take care of Pumpkin today, and Pumpkin seems happy as can be. She did take a 3.5 hour nap, though, so we'll probably have her stay home with "Mimi" tomorrow, too.

The crud that is in Pumpkin's ears is in my sinuses. On Sunday, I had that "my face will pop any moment" sort of sinus pain that used to send me to my Sudafed. I didn't really want to take Sudafed while breastfeeding, though- my sources (more on that later) say it is safe, but it makes me feel really weird and disconnected, and that seems unfair to inflict on Pumpkin.

I asked the after hours pediatrician who diagnosed Pumpkin's ear infection what I could take, and she said anything over the counter would be fine, but it would go into the breastmilk. I wanted more advice, so I turned to my trusty The Nursing Mother's Companion, which helped me through the early, difficult days of breastfeeding, and has answered many questions since. In the back, there is a listing of drugs that one should and shouldn't take while breastfeeding. One of the ones it recommended as safe under the "Colds and Allergies" section was guaifenesin, an expectorant sold over the counter as Mucinex.

I went and bought some and wow!- what a difference. I'm still not well, but I was able to function again within an hour. Thank goodness for Mucinex- and for my The Nursing Mother's Companion!

This got me thinking about things that have been really helpful during my first year and a bit of motherhood. Here's my current list:

• The Ask Moxie website- good for advice on just about any parenting topic. If Moxie's answer to a question doesn't have what I need, chances are one of the comments does.
• The Nursing Mother's Companion. I found this book from an excerpt pamphlet that one of my friends mailed to me after she had her baby and was surprised at how hard breastfeeding was. It was my constant companion for the first few months.
• My Baby Bargains book, which was very helpful when we were trying to figure out what stroller to buy, etc. Now, we have the confidence to go with our own opinions more, but in the early days (and before Pumpkin was born), we wanted some guidance.

I made this a Part I post, because I'm sure I'll think of more things and want to do a part II post soon. In the meantime- what books, sites, products, etc. help keep you sane?

Wow

I don't know whether I think this is a good idea or a horrifying one:

Breast Milk Alcohol Test Kit

Sure, there may be detectable short term changes in a baby's behavior when there is a little alcohol in the breastmilk, but are there long term effects? Is this a brilliant idea to help moms indulge now and then without worrying, or another manifestation of a culture that seems to want moms to subsume all of their needs/wants to the baby's? I don't know.

Even weirder, I found this while poking around the Amazon gift guides section. It was in the section for "Intellectual moms". So do only intellectual moms drink now and then, or is that only intellectual moms worry about it?

And what is an "intellectual mom", anyway?