Success, Big and Small

I intended to write this post over the weekend, but life had other ideas for me.

It was nothing bad or even dramatic- just gymnastics class, chores, play dates, birthday parties... and some unabashed fun: dinner at my sister's on Saturday and a family walk on the beach followed by dinner at Rubio's on Sunday.

All in all, it was a good weekend, although I was frustrated by my inability to squeeze some writing time in around the other things. Of course, if I'd really needed to write, I would have made the time. The simple fact was that the other things were higher priorities for me, so as much as I wanted to write, it didn't happen. Sometimes, you have more priorities than time to accommodate them. In my experience, it is usually best to just accept that and focus on the priorities you can fit in, rather than trying to bend the space-time continuum to cram more in. I managed to write my planned Tungsten Hippo post (a new Read Together post- check it out), but decided not to try to do more.

Anyhow, here I am writing the post today, so time marches on and yesterday's priority that got cut becomes today's priority that gets done.

We took the family walk on the beach because Pumpkin requested it and we had a mini heat wave this weekend, so it was 85 degrees in our house. Ocean breezes and dinner cooked somewhere other than our kitchen sounded great. I'm glad we went. We all had fun.

Fun.

Pumpkin wanted to walk on the beach because she wanted to look for seashells. I had gone for a walk on the beach on Friday and I found a sand dollar. I only found one, so I wouldn't give it to her- if I gave her the sand dollar, Petunia would surely have demanded one, too, and I did not have another.

Besides, I've endowed some meaning into that sand dollar.

I was walking on the beach on Friday as a celebration for publishing Unspotted. I decided that I should celebrate my milestones, just like I would at a "real" company. I considered going to get ice cream, but then considered the effect that repeated success could have on my waistline, and decided to plan for both success and still being able to fit into my pants and went for a walk on the beach instead. It is something I love to do that I don't do often enough.

So after lunch on Friday, I drove to Pacific Beach (my old neighborhood!) and went for a stroll. It was beautiful. The weather was warm, but there was a nice breeze. The water was warm (for the Pacific) and very clear.

Clear water, happy feet.

As I strolled, I picked up shells I found that I liked. My original plan, in as much as I had one, was to give them to my kids. But then I found the sand dollar. OK, I'll confess. First I found a different sand dollar. Then I accidentally broke it, and laughed to myself about it being a good thing that I hadn't put a lot of meaning into finding it. Then I found another, and managed to get it home without breaking it.

So yeah, I may adopt it as a sort of mascot. Finding two intact sand dollars in one stroll on a busy stretch of Pacific Beach is.... unlikely. If that can happen, maybe my business can make it, too. Or something like that.

My finds.

I let my kids each pick one non-sand dollar shell from my stash, and then I put the rest into a mason jar. I'm calling it my success jar. It will hold the shells I find during all of my celebratory walks on the beach.

I have vague plans to glue the sand dollar to the lid.

I'm still deciding what will constitute a milestone worthy of a walk on the beach. So far, I've decided I get a walk for each product release (books and seminars, only- I'm not serious enough about the t-shirts for those to count) and each time a product crosses into profitability. I'm sure I'll come up with a few other milestones, too, as my business plans adapt and mature.

I'm going to fill that jar up.

There are no guarantees on sand dollars, though- we didn't find a single one on yesterday's walk.

Weekend Reading: The Complicated World Edition

I, of course, think your weekend reading should be Unspotted.

But I understand that you may feel differently. So here are some links.

But first, a note about something I'm not including. Last night, my Twitter timeline erupted about an article an editor at The Chicago Tribune wrote that included reference to Hurricane Katrina. There was a lot of anger, and I am fairly certain it was justified. I am not going to link to that article. I gather the author has now apologized, sort of. From the reactions I've seen, it appears to have been an onomatapology:

Ergo @NPRMonkeySee, I believe, may have coined the term "onomatapology," which is all the noises of an apology without the actual remorse.

— Sarah Wendell (@SmartBitches) August 12, 2015

I started to write a post about this last night, and about my recollections of witnessing the horrifying aftermath of Katrina on my TV screen, but I am not up to the task. I have vivid memories of being utterly shocked and horrified, and deeply embarrassed that this was happening in my country. But I was not there. I was not anywhere close to there. This happened before I started reading a lot about racism and trying to understand its role in events in this country. Frankly, I just do not think I can do this topic justice.

I would love to include a link to something good that has been written about the upcoming 10th anniversary of that devastating storm, but I haven't really seen anything. Feel free to share anything you know of in the comments.

The other big topic in my Twitter timeline yesterday was the Sesame Street news. I am not thrilled to hear that Sesame Street is going to HBO, but I am glad they managed to structure the deal so that the episodes go to PBS eventually. This article from Alyssa Rosenberg is fairly close to my opinions on the matter.

I've written before how we, as a society, don't pay for content. There are a few companies that have figured out how to get us to pay: Netflix, Amazon, HBO... probably a few others. But I don't know that what they have figured out is anything general: I think each case is helped by some specific aspect of their company's history. I also don't know that they've figured out anything long term, even for themselves. It is a tough world for people who make "content," particularly if they aren't famous.

I am definitely no expert on entertainment, but I suspect the Sesame Street folks got the the best deal they could. I'm not sure what their other options really were, and that is never a strong negotiating position. Perhaps they could have tried a Kickstarter, a la Reading Rainbow.  (Side note: I understand that Petunia, The Girl Who Was NOT a Princess is going to be on the new Reading Rainbow app, and that delights me to no end.)

But to be honest, while I understand why people are so upset about this- it feels a bit like someone went back in time and stole candy from you as a 3 year old- I'm basically OK with this outcome. My kids have spent most of the summer watching the same few seasons of a show called Fireman Sam over and over and over.... I don't think the 9 month delay will impact the value of the show to kids.

What is truly outrageous is that we're relying on a TV show to provide early childhood education to any of our children. But that's another rant altogether.

This interview of Ta-Nehisi Coates by Roxane Gay is every bit as good as you'd expect, given the two people involved. Go read the entire thing. But this particular exchange is particularly great:

RG: How can allies best serve as allies? What is an ally? Are they needed?

TC: I don’t know. I think it’s probably terribly important to listen. It’s terribly important to try to become more knowledgeable. It’s important to not expect that acquiring of that knowledge — in this case of the force of racism in American history — to be a pleasant experience or to proceed along just lines. They certainly don’t proceed that way for black people. It’s going to be painful. Finally I think one has to even abandon the phrase “ally” and understand that you are not helping someone in a particular struggle; the fight is yours.

This is a really good idea for cutting down on the hate on the internet. 

However, it doesn't sound like it would stop people like the one described in this rather heartbreaking story.

From now on, I'm going to imagine every trollish comment I read was written by this pathetic dude who would rather lose his marriage and the chance to live with his child than stop being an asshole on the internet. What a sad human being.

I really liked this piece from Web Smith about why Twitter is struggling. He makes some really good points about how Twitter has the capacity to expose us to the unvarnished truth about our world more than any other social network. It is a great strength of Twitter. It is what I love about Twitter.

But he also makes some good points about how overwhelming that can be, particularly for those of us who are not used to being confronting with those truths. I think he is right that this is part of the reason Twitter is struggling to grow or become profitable.

I also think that we all have to learn how to modulate that exposure for ourselves. Otherwise, we get overwhelmed and the temptation to go back into the relative comfort of our previous ignorance is too high. To use an overused cliche, the effort to make the world better is a marathon, not a sprint.

I know that it is easier for some of us to step away for a bit than others. In fact, that is part of the problem we're trying to solve. But I still step away sometimes (like, for instance, last night, with the Katrina story). I am only human. I commit to myself that I will look back at the truth soon, and I go and organize photos of my kids. Or watch a TV show with my husband. Or something else.

On a completely different topic: this is an interesting piece about why public transit tends to suck in a lot of the US.

In my own city of San Diego, transit is slowly, slowly getting better. It is still too downtown centric, but they long term plans I've seen are good. I am cautiously optimistic that we'll be OK and avoid the traffic nightmare of LA. (LA is working on its transit system, too- but they started at a later point and in a worse place than San Diego did, at least to my relatively naive viewpoint.)

I want to read more on transit and growth. I think figuring this stuff out is really important, but I never feel like I understand the topic well enough to have a good opinion.

I'm too old for this. I like that mantra.

Ending on a lighter note: I really love Laura Vanderkam's idea of a mini-retreat. I am going to try this out myself soon!

Also, I've added a new category to the Crappy Things I Made to Stop the Whining tumblr: toy tableaux! Here is the first installment. You can submit your own (or your own homemade toys), too.

And the funny at the end: this xkcd cartoon makes me laugh.

Have a good weekend everyone!

A Different Sort of Release Day

I've done release day posts before- for my own books. Today's post is a different sort of release day post. It is release day for the first book written by somebody else that I'm publishing through my publishing company.

Unspotted, by Justin Fox, is a short ebook about the endangered Cape Mountain Leopards of South Africa, and about Quenton Martins and The Cape Leopard Trust, who are working to save these beautiful animals. It is also a travelogue of sorts as Fox journeyed into the Cederberg Mountains to try to see one of the elusive cats for himself.

Obviously, I really like this book- otherwise I wouldn't have bought it to publish! I think you'll like it, too, so check it out.

Two reviews from advance readers are already in:

• Jennifer Gruden says it is worth picking up- and compares it favorably to Douglas Adams' Last Chance to See, which is a book I also love.
• Natalie at Fill Your Bookshelf also liked it, although she would have liked it to be longer (I'll take that!)

You can find the links to all of the retail outlets on the Annorlunda Books page, but to make things easier for you, I'll put them here, too. Although I have a Kindle (OK, I love my Kindle), I don't want to see Amazon be the only source for ebooks- so I skipped the Kindle Unlimited program and have made this book widely available. You can get it for just $2.99 at:

• Amazon
• BN.com
• GumRoad (this is direct from me, and includes the MOBI for your Kindle, the ePub for other ereaders, and a PDF for those who want a hardcopy- you can print it out).
• iBooks
• Kobo
• Smashwords

It is also available at two subscription services:

• Oyster
• Scribd

I'll add links to other channels to the Annorlunda Books page for the book as they become available. Specifically, for the librarians in my audience: Overdrive is in process (via Smashwords). If you have suggestions for other places you'd like to see the book, let me know.

I also made it the pick of the week at Tungsten Hippo, so you can read more of what I thought of the book there.

And I added this edition to GoodReads (it had previously been published in South Africa by a now-defunct publisher).

If you want to help me make this book (and my publishing company!) a success, you can buy the book, read it on a subscription service, write a review (these really help), tell your friends about it, add it to your GoodReads shelf, or share it on social media.

If you want easy ways to share, you can reshare my Tungsten Hippo posts:

Here is the post about the book on the Tungsten Hippo Facebook page

and  here is the Tungsten Hippo tweet:

Today's book is the story of the rare Cape Mtn Leopard & the man trying to saving them, from @JustinFoxAfrica: http://t.co/WSbEJQzKS5

— Tungsten Hippo (@TungstenHippo) August 12, 2015

Although one of the great things about ebooks is that sales can build slowly over time, a big boost on release day can still really help a book, because it helps get the book promoted by the retailers' algorithms. So if you think you'll buy the book, please consider doing so today. A sale at anytime is great, but a sale today is extra helpful.

Regardless, thanks for reading. I'll be back to my usual random mix of posts soon.

Beware the Narrative

I'm still catching up after my vacation/staycation. I never finished the posts about the trip to France,

A picture from the LA trip, representing both balancing acts
and the enduring power of a good story!

and now I have a short trip to LA I'd like to write about, too. I may not get to it. I had the best intentions to write about my last trip to Arizona- I even took pictures to use in a post!- and then I never wrote a post. It is a shame. I don't think my trip story posts are the most popular with readers, but I like to have them to refer back to.

Anyway, I read an article I'd saved by Lisa Miller about why we need older women in the workforce, and I realized that by Miller's definition, I've left. She is looking for women to show the way forward in what I'll call a "regular job"- i.e., one where you go into an office and do your part in a larger organization. I can understand why she wants this. It is hard to navigate your way through office politics and career decisions without role models, and although men can be helpful to a certain extent, they are playing by different rules. I couldn't emulate a former boss' direct and confrontational style, for instance. That would have been career suicide for me, although it worked well for him.

There's been a lot written about why women leave the workforce. People argue about whether it is motherhood, or overwork, or sexism, or something else. I've been thinking a lot about this given my own recent exit from the corporate world. I still consider myself very much in the workforce (and so far at least, still have a paycheck to prove it), but I'll grant that I've left the corporate world. I left at the stereotypical time: mid-career, partway up the ladder but still definitely on a middle rung. I have more than one kid, too, which studies have indicated correlates with a greater likelihood of leaving.

So what made me leave? Here are the possible reasons:

• The company moved and the new commute was making it hard to get a full work week in.
• The culture in which I was working evolved into something I didn't enjoy that much.
• I'd reached my limit on the low key sexist BS that was constant background noise in my career. I have a few jaw-dropping "you have GOT to be kidding me" sexism in the workforce stories, but I honestly think it was the constant low level stuff that did more harm. As I explained to a friend recently, it was like that stuff was just silently accruing, and all of the sudden I'd hit some sort of pre-set BS limit that even I didn't know existed. The men I was working with at the time weren't particularly sexist. They were just the guys in the vicinity when I hit the limit.
• I had other interests I wanted to explore.
• The job I was in had policies that made it very hard to have any sort of side gig- including writing. That was annoying and made me feel overly constrained.
• I wanted to try being completely in charge.

There are probably more reasons that aren't obvious to me right now, but those are the big ones. So which was "the reason" I quit? None of them. All of them. It was a combination of things. Depending on what larger point someone wanted to make, my story could be spun to emphasize some of the factors more than others, but I honestly can't say that any one factor was more important than any other in my thought process the day I quit.

People want there to be a clean answer for why so many women decide to opt out of corporate life, but in my case, there isn't a clean answer. I suspect this is true of most people who decide to leave. Would decreasing the background sexism convince more to stay? I have no doubt that it would. But it would be easy to take a story like mine and argue that women like me leave the corporate world for more positive reasons. It would also probably be easy to go through my work history and find things I'd done wrong, or suboptimal decisions I'd made that led to some of my other frustrations.

In the end, I left because I wanted to explore different things, and my exhaustion with the environment in which I was working made it appealing to go do that.

Or did I leave because I was exhausted by a hostile culture and realized I had other options?

Even I don't really know.

We love narratives and personal stories. On the surface, they make it easier to understand complex issues. By personalizing them, we make the issues more accessible and harder to ignore. But there is a downside, too, because narratives are rarely clean. People's lives are messy. Decisions are made for a confusing mix of reasons. People do less than ideal things, making it easy for people who are looking for reasons not to see a particular problem to dismiss their stories.

We see this playing out in a far more horrifying context in the reaction of some people to the Black Lives Matter movement. The Black men and women who have lost their lives were "no angels." They'd "made mistakes." No one will ever be perfect enough. The protesters will never use the exact "right" tactics. For people who don't want to see the issue, there will always be a reason to dismiss the most recent story.

As much as I love stories, individual stories alone will never allow us to understand what is really happening in our society. Luckily, we have social scientists who have studied how to aggregate our stories and better understand the whole picture. We have historians who can help us see the broader meaning of our individual stories, by placing them in a historical context. Unfortunately, these viewpoints aren't always well represented in our discussions. It is hard to find people who can take an individual story and weave it into the wider context and help us understand what that story really means, but those are the voices I'm seeking out these days. After all, if I can't even understand the narrative my own story in isolation, how can I hope to understand anyone else's?

The Not Quite a Vacation Not Quite a Links Post

I don't have a real links post today. I am on vacation. Sort of. We decided we couldn't afford a real family vacation this year after our "just the grown ups" vacation in France, but we took this week off, planning a "staycation" here in San Diego. Then we decided to spend a couple of days in LA. Then we (note: actually just my husband) decided to start painting the new room this week.

At this point, I'm thinking I should have just considered the LA trip a vacation and worked during the days here in San Diego, because I do not consider painting a vacation activity. (Petunia does, though- she says she loves painting.)

However, I did't work, and I mostly stayed off the internet, so... no links. Sorry! If you're bereft without links to read, try these:

Nicole and Maggie usually have some good links- they'll post them Saturday morning.

Revanche over at A Gai Shan Life recently had a links post.

Here's one link about college admissions and how out of control the process has gotten, which I read before vacation really started.

And now I'm off to "vacation" some more.