Friday, October 28, 2016

Weekend Reading: The Getting Used to It Edition

I had a visual migraine on Tuesday (at a client site! Wheeee!) and have been headachey and tired, and occasionally nauseous for the rest of the week. I took this morning off and slept an extra 2.5 hours. I don't know if that helped or not, but it felt nice to sleep. I debated whether or not to skip my usual Friday afternoon rollerblade, but it is one of my favorite parts of the week, and after other migraine sufferers on Twitter said that exercise mostly helps them, I went, but didn't go fast. I don't know if it helped or not, but it was nice to get out and enjoy the day. There were lots of birds out by the bay today, which made the skate even nicer.

So now, I have to figure out how much to try to do this weekend to make up for the rather unproductive day. I think I'm going to have to learn to work with the headaches and occasional migraines, although maybe one of the things my doctor has me trying (extra magnesium, a change in my birth control pills, and a new migraine prescription, assuming my insurance company lets me have it) will help. It does make me wonder what I'd be doing if I hadn't set up shop on my own a couple of years ago. Probably burning through vacation time and facing a less than stellar performance review. Life happens, and our work world is woefully ill-prepared to deal with that.

Anyway, you came here for links, so let's get to them.

First, the self-promotion links: I got a nice review on Small and Spooky today, and the GoodReads giveaway for it went live.

In not promotional but very much "self" news: I've been trying out the new social media platform Imzy. I am still figuring it out, but I think it has promise. There's a lot more safety built in, in that you join communities, and those communities have leaders who can set rules, etc. Time will tell if it lasts and if it proves to be less abuse-filled than Twitter, but I wanted to check it out. I've joined a few communities and set up one of my own. I've decided to be "the whole me" there (although it has pretty robust features for having multiple profiles), so I'm under my real name, and my community is named after me (first name). If you're on Imzy and want to find me and can't... let me know, and I'll email you a link.

I'm not planning to ditch Twitter anytime soon, but I'm a bit nervous about some of the news coming out about it. If Peter Thiel buys it, I may decide to seriously scale back my use and try to find another online home. If he doesn't, and the new focus on safety actually works... well, Imzy can be my vacation home, or something like that.

In other self-reflective news, I'm inspired by Xykademiqz' plan to do NaBloPoMo. I've been feeling like there is something I really want to write, but I can't quite pin down what. Maybe a more regular writing practice will help me figure out what it is. I don't think I can manage to post every day, so I'm setting myself a less ambitious goal: I plan to post 2-3 times per week (not counting my Friday links post) in November. This starts next week!

OK, on to the real links:

Stella Bugbee's honest appraisal of how she didn't have any sympathy for working mothers until she became one herself is a really good example of why our work world is so ill-prepared to handle it when life happens to people, whether that life is happy (e.g., a baby) or less happy (e.g., a long-term illness). We need to change our work culture so that everyone has a chance to handle whatever life hands them and still make a living and have the satisfaction of contributing through their work. Our current set up is outdated, and we can do better.

I really liked this article by Ann Friedman about peer mentoring. It is inspiring me to try again to start up my local "ladies who lunch" club.

Did you hear about Illinois senator Mark Kirk's obnoxiously racist remarks to his opponent, Tammy Duckworth? They're summarized in this article from German Lopez, but the real reason to read the article is because it explain that as outrageous as they are, they are nothing new for people of color.

Gene Demby's essay about going to Ghana is wonderful. You should read it (or listen to it: I heard it on NPR).

Chimimanda Ngozi Adiche's Feminist Manifesto in 15 Suggestions is brilliant. I could quote and quote and quote from it (which is what this piece does really well).... but really, just go read the whole thing.

This article from Victor Tan Chen about the dangers of over-reliance on metrics is so good that I'll be including it in all my link round ups this month. I'd say it is the one link you have to read this week, but the previous two make an equally compelling claim for that title....

After watching the final years of my next door neighbor, who died in her home at the age of 93, just as she'd requested, my husband and I talked about writing our older selves a letter about how dying in your home may not be as idyllic as you think. And about how as hard as it is to face the end, there may be changes to your thinking necessary to allow you to face the end with as much happiness as possible. I've not written that letter yet, but Terry Baraldi did write a letter to her older self, and it is wonderful and worth your time to read.

And here is an essay about how saying your house is messy because you play with your kids is a privilege that comes from having a certain amount of money and social status.

A reader sent me a link to Princess Awesome dresses, and while I've seen them before, I agree they are indeed awesome and so will share them again.

This was indeed an awesome response to being asked to sign a permission slip to allow your kid to read Fahrenheit 451.

This tweet made me laugh:




And the Rabbit Isle bot continues to delight me:




I mean, really delight me:




And that will do it for this week, I think. We have a Halloween party to go to tonight, and I need to go get my kids and get them dressed as a rugby player and a scientist.
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Monday, October 24, 2016

Some Bits and Pieces

We're in the home stretch of this election, and all the adults I know are counting the days until November 9. All the kids are of course counting the days until Halloween.

John Scalzi wrote a post today about how this election hurt his productivity, and yeah... I'd say it isn't just authors suffering from this problem. I am using all my tricks and still getting some stuff done, but it feels so much harder that it should be and I'm going so much slower than I should be. I'm behind on the formatting of my next book. I struggled to get my last Chronicle Vitae article done and turned it in late. And I don't even want to think about how far behind I am on the next big writing project I was going to do.

I think that maybe I'll just escape into a good book, but I'm having trouble there, too. I keep buying short ebooks that look promising and then deciding that they actually sound to dark for my mood right now. Judging by the slump in my company's book sales, I'd say that other people are just not buying things. What are we all doing instead, I wonder?

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Speaking of Halloween, my kids have decided to be a New Zealand rugby player and a scientist for Halloween. So the 9 year old now has a new All Blacks jersey (we settled on the training jersey because even with the exchange rate discount, the actual jersey is stupidly expensive) and the 7 year old has a lab coat and a surprisingly cool science kit. I bought that kit for the big plastic Erlenmeyer flask (which is currently filled with a mix of water and washable purple paint), but the kit is really well done and may feature in our Christmas gift giving this year.

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Speaking of Chronicle Vitae articles, I'm running out of ideas for things to write about there. Suggestions welcome. 

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Gah. I can't even maintain focus long enough to write a hodge podge blog post. So I'll give up on that, too, and just leave you with Mr. Snarky's latest random music find, which is making me want to take a trip to Tucson:

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Friday, October 21, 2016

Weekend Reading: The Did You Miss Twitter? Edition

So, Twitter was unaccessible from my computer for most of the day. I could get to it on my phone, but only if I used the cell network, not my internet connection. I missed it, but I must confess its absence helped me push through an article revision I've been stuck on. I am trying to write an article about how to set a strategy to accomplish long term goals, and for some reason this has been a hard one for me to write. It took me more than two hours to produce a really crappy first draft on Wednesday. I managed to improve it a lot today, and think I should be able to finish it off in the hour or two of work I do on Sunday morning.

Incidentally, that hour or two of Sunday work is how I "buy" time to go rollerblading on Friday afternoons. I try to schedule writing work for that time, and do it with my morning tea while the rest of the family has a lazy start to the day. I find the Sunday morning writing time enjoyable, and so the whole thing works out great. I keep meaning to write a post about what I'm learning about time use now that I have convinced myself to just go ahead and enjoy my super flexible current work schedule. Maybe next week.

Anyhow, this links post is the last thing between me and a nice rollerblade by the bay, so let's get to it, shall we?

Vox had some excellent election coverage this week. If you only read one of their articles, read this one from Jenée Desmond-Harris about how the Trump campaign is affecting kids. But Ezra Klein's article about how kickass Hillary Clinton's debate performances were is really good, too. And Matt Yglesias on the new "silent majority" is worth your time.

The publisher of the Arizona Republic responds to the threats the newspaper has been getting since they endorsed Hillary Clinton.

Confession time: at the time of the Bush-Gore election and subsequent recount mess, I was in the midst of falling head over heals in love with Mr. Snarky. I definitely voted in that election, but I remember almost nothing about the uproar that followed. If you also have forgotten that time, Jonathan Chait has a refresher on it.

If you missed the Washington Post article about how the young man who was a rising start in the white nationalist community changed his mind, it is worth your time.

If you've been blaming your aging eyes for difficulty reading websites... nah, it is just a bad design trend.

Sara Benincasa's story about a date, a creep, and how the staff of an upscale restaurant stepped in to rescue her is wonderful.

Here's a wonderful story about how Hamilton is helping a non-verbal child communicate. You'll never hear that "Awesome! Wow!" the same way again.

This is a poignant cartoon about bullying.

This article from the wonderful Chavi Eve Karkowsky (who, if she happens to read this, is hopefully still working on a book because I really want to read it) about birth control pills and side effects arrived at a good time for me. I've been struggling with headaches, everything points to there being a hormonal component, and just today I sat down with my doctor and decided to try changing up my birth control to see if that helps.

Let's end with some cute animals!

The quokka:




And BUNNIES!!!!




I love bunnies! These two remind me of one of my childhood pets:



Sadly, due to allergies I can't have an indoor bunny and due to coyotes I can't have an outdoor bunny. But I have the Rabbit Isle Twitter Bot! Discovering that was probably the high point of my week.

Happy weekend everyone!




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Tuesday, October 18, 2016

A Near Miss

I don't think it will surprise anyone to know that I have donated to Hillary Clinton's election campaign this year. You also won't be surprised to learn that this means I receive multiple emails each day from Democratic luminaries, mostly asking me to donate again.

Today, a different sort of email landed in my inbox. It seems President Obama is coming to town for a fundraiser at a private home, and I could buy a ticket to attend. I was curious how much such a ticket would cost, so I clicked through. The cheapest $250 tickets were sold out by the time I noticed the email, but I could still buy a $1000 ticket. And for one wild moment, I seriously considered doing it.

I decided not to, because while I could afford that cost, it would be a heck of a splurge. I also realized that if the $250 tickets had still been available, I probably would have done it. I would have bought three tickets, for me and my two daughters.

Honestly, the money would have been wasted on Petunia. She has only a passing interest in this year's election. But if I took Pumpkin, I'd have to take Petunia, and that money most definitely would not have been wasted on Pumpkin. One of the many, many things that makes me sad about this year's election is that it is the first election Pumpkin has really been interested in, and so much of it is inappropriate and possibly damaging for her to follow. I was ready to explain the somewhat sexist coverage—the focus on how much, exactly, Hillary should smile, and why people "just don't like her." But I cannot bring myself to explain the unbridled misogyny that is Donald Trump to my earnest 9 year old who is still so sure she can do whatever she wants in life.

(From the beginning of Trump's campaign, I have discussed his racism and xenophobic fear-mongering, though, and typing this I wonder why I'm more willing to discuss that than his sexism? I do not know.)

Pumpkin and Petunia have always enjoyed coming to vote with me, but up until this year, it has mostly been about getting that "I voted" sticker.

Stickers are powerful motivators.
This year, Pumpkin wants to know more. She is definitely excited that we might elect our first woman president, but she is also genuinely interested in the process. I'm trying to let her see as much of it as I can. We watched most of the speeches at the Democratic convention. Maybe another year, we would have tuned in for the Republican convention, too, but I didn't relish the idea of explaining the "Trump that Bitch" (and worse) signs and shirts. So we skipped the Republicans and watched the Democrats, who obliged us by showcasing the things I'm most proud of about my country. Pumpkin liked watching the big speeches, and even Petunia was transfixed by Michelle Obama's speech.

Pumpkin has followed along with the election since then. Even though I don't show her the worst of it, she has picked up on the tone. She heard some vague things about the Access Hollywood tape at school, which led to me having to try to explain what that was all about. (Thanks, Republicans! I enjoyed explaining that! I know you worry about how we'll explain same sex marriage to our kids, but let me tell you, explaining why a large number of my fellow citizens think a man who thinks he can do whatever he wants to women should be made President was so much harder. I wonder, what did you say to your kids about that? I could use some tips. In return, I can tell you what I said when I was asked about same sex marriage: "Sometimes two boys or two girls love each other like Mommy and Daddy love each other and then they get married." It really wasn't so hard.)

Anyway, as much as I've tried to protect Pumpkin from the ugliness of this particular election and just focus on the process, the ugliness has seeped through. She can see it in my face sometimes, I think. Last week was a particularly rough week for me, as it was for a lot of women. I didn't always hide that well. Reading about the assault on the airplane felt like a physical punch in the gut. I was assaulted on an airplane, too. It was my first international business trip. That was 16 years ago. I remember almost every detail of that flight. I remember what I wore. What I ate. What I drank. What the man who assaulted me did for a living (he ran a card shop in downtown Philadelphia).  I remember just wanting to get off the plane and go have a really hot shower. I remember no details of the return flight, which was uneventful.

So I waited to watch Michelle Obama's latest speech when I was home alone, so that I could outright sob without trying to explain why. I'm not ready to tell Pumpkin about the things men think they can do yet, although I know I need to do that soon. That may be the most heart-breaking thing about this election: the all too vivid reminder that things are not so much better that I could hope my daughters will be spared.

So when I saw that invitation to the event with President Obama, I was tempted to pull out my credit card for the chance to let Pumpkin experience the greatness of our system, as a shining thing to remember about what has otherwise been an ugly introduction to Presidential politics. President Obama and Michelle Obama embody what I think are some of the best things about our country and our system of government. I think President Obama is a brilliant, honorable man who has done his best to serve his country well. I think he and Michelle have brought grace, style, and a broader sense of including all Americans to the White House. They make me proud of my country.

But then I came down to earth. $1000 is within the realm of possibility. $3000 is not, not really. I forwarded the email to Mr. Snarky with a joke and then went back to debugging the data analysis process I was working on.

Later, I thought back to the first election I remember really following. It was 1984. I was a Democrat, growing up in a suburb of Phoenix, AZ, that was heavily Republican. Despite the fact that I had literally almost all of my classmates as evidence that Ronald Reagan was popular with a lot of people, I believed in my heart that Walter Mondale could win. I was so excited by the fact that he'd picked Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate. I even played her in a mock debate. I happened to have a similar hairstyle, and I remember the boys commenting on that. I also remember the boy I debated. He was judged to have won, but he came up later and told me he thought I had debated better, but our classmates picked him as the winner because they agreed with him. Earlier this year, I found the note he wrote in my senior yearbook, and realized his character was far better than I gave him credit for back then, when he was just another Mormon boy I assumed believed I should limit my ambitions to the home. I'd bet serious money he is not supporting Donald Trump this year.

I remember going with my parents to our friends' house to watch the election returns, and all the adults trying to comfort me as it became increasingly clear that Mondale was going to lose by a landslide. They knew what was coming before the returns started coming in. I still cried.

And then of course, there was 1988. I remember the downfall of Gary Hart, and the reasons for it. I remember wondering why a man who wanted to be President would risk behaving like he did. I was naive then, but honestly, I still don't really get it, and I don't want to.  So we ended up with the Bush-Dukakis race. And the Willie Horton ad, the significance of which I doubt I grasped at the time.

The first election I could vote in was in 1992, and the stupid cookie incident is etched into my memory. I was in college, starting to sort out what my ambitions would be, and the reaction to Hillary Clinton was a not very subtle reminder that I'd be navigating a very different work environment than what my male classmates would face. Still, as I've written before, I was not a huge fan of hers back then.

And then, of course, came the sex scandals and the impeachment and all that.

Next up: the 2000 election, with the hanging chads and the faux folksiness of George W. Bush, a man who had been born to unbelievable privilege and pretended to be an average Joe. A man who made it to the top even though even his supporters seemed to think he wasn't that bright. And of course, we all know where that got us.

OK, so maybe, the idea of going to see President Obama was a little bit for me, too.

Maybe next time.

Sign courtesy of Petunia, so maybe she's paying more attention than I think. She made it on Saturday, after hearing me and Pumpkin discuss a weird thing we saw. We picked my sister up for a trip to the art museum, and saw a Hillary-Kaine sign in the yard of a house on our route. We later dropped my sister home, and on our way, we saw that same house, now with a Trump-Pence sign. Either there's a battle going on in that house, or someone is being a jerk. No prizes for guessing which I think it is.

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Friday, October 14, 2016

Weekend Reading: The Early So I Can Rollerblade in the Sun Edition

Since last week's attempt to take a Friday rollerblading break didn't work so well (the rollerblading was awesome, but the coming back to work not so much), this week I'm going to try just finishing work early so I can go rollerblade. And that means you get your weekend reading early.

So without further ado, this week's links

I found this Matt Yglesias article about the book Democracy for Realists simultaneously fascinating and depressing.

Even more depressing: Mother Jones' investigation into how Trump took hate groups into the mainstream.

Josh Marshall has written quite a bit about this, too. Here is a recent post that is good, but scary.

John Scalzi's endorsement of Hillary Clinton is really thorough and well-thought out.

This Tenure, She Wrote post about the wider problem of harassment and misogyny reminded me of how often the guys in my classes "joked" that I'd slept my way to my good grades. I learned to laugh it off. I kept getting good grades. But these comments and the comments about how I won scholarships because I was a woman are definitely there in the imaginary trunk of horrible sexist crap I've put up with that I keep locked up in my head.

This horrible election has broken my imaginary trunk wide open. I suspect it has done the same for many, many women, which is why my timeline is full of women describing all the various ways men have assaulted them. I guess it is good that this is getting out there, but it really is emotionally exhausting. I am finding it hard to concentrate on my work or enjoy time with my kids. I've tried turning away, but the news leaks in. And it is too late, the trunk is open. And I keep looking at my 9.5 year old and thinking how soon all of this garbage is coming for her. I need to process the contents of that trunk so I can be ready for that. So, like I wrote yesterday, I'm trying to focus on the encouraging things I'm seeing, but it is hard. I have never wanted an election to be over so much.

I wanted to find some happier links to share. I don't have much.

Here's a story about some new cave drawings found in the Basque region of Spain. One of the bits of European language history that most fascinates me is Basque, which has no "relatives" in the language family tree. We can only speculate that at one point, before the Celts took over large swaths of Europe (and before they themselves were largely displaced by the Romans and the Germanic tribes), there were lots of people speaking a language related to Basque. And maybe they left us cave drawings! I think that is cool.

This is a nifty idea for a game.

I'm running my first ever giveaway on my Tungsten Hippo blog. It is for a novella the author calls "slapstick with B movie monsters." If that sounds fun, enter the giveaway.

This tweet about Bob Dylan's Nobel prize is perfect.




And some grace to end on, courtesy of Bad Mom, Good Mom, who sent me the link: beautiful and fascinating photos of the flight paths of birds.

Also, a giant wombat kept showing up in my Twitter feed, so I'll share it with you:




And now I'm off to rollerblade in the sunshine by the bay.  I wish I had more happy links this week. Feel free to add some in the comments if you have them!
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