One More Update

Tonight, my sister came and got Pumpkin down for the night while Hubby and I went out and finally bought a car. We got a Mazda 5. However, since Hubby didn't want a white one but had to have bluetooth, we have to wait and pick it up on Saturday. They're driving a red one down from a dealer in Orange County for us.

And, because I need to remind myself that my stubborn, potty regressing little girl is actually quite adorable, here is the story she told my sister and her doll Grat tonight, while "reading" The Napping House:

"Once upon a time there were three bears. And a crocodile came and asked to come in and the bears said 'not by the hair on my chiny-chin-chin'".

The story continued on the next page, with more about the crocodile, but I can't remember that part.

A Miscellany of Updates

A while ago, I wrote up my conclusions from some lunchtime literature reading on high fructose corn syrup. At the time, I could not find any studies that demonstrated an actual difference between the effects of eating HFCS and sucrose. Earlier this week, a paper came out that found some differences in the effects of HFCS and sucrose- in rats. Unfortunately, I do not have access to the journal in which it was published. Derek Lowe has a write up of the paper, and one of the comments on that post led me to Marion Nestle's take on it.

All in all, I don't find this convincing/alarming enough to make me go out of my way to get the original paper, let alone change my eating habits. But then, I don't drink soda, I only occasionally indulge in other sweetened beverages such as Vitamin Water (which should probably just be called "sugar water"), and I don't have a huge amount of other sources of refined sugar in my diet. However, this is the first study I've seen that indicates that there might be any metabolic difference at all between a soda sweetened with HFCS and one sweetened with sucrose, so I thought I'd mention it. It will take much more convincing correlative data and/or some data pointing to an actual mechanism for how HFCS acts differently than sucrose to change my basic opinion (that it is refined sugar in general, not HFCS in particular, about which we should worry).

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The Binky Fairy's visit was reasonably successful. It took over an hour to get Pumpkin to sleep Monday night, and she spent at least 30 minutes of that time repeating how she wanted her binkies, and didn't want the Binky Fairy to come. I was beginning to think that I was going to have to drug either her or me, but then she just dropped off to sleep and I was able to escape from her room. Last night, we were back down to the more usual 30-45 minute weekday bedtime, and there were only a few minutes of whining about the binkies. Tonight, she just stated once that she wanted her binkies, and then dropped the subject and asked me to tell her one of her favorite stories.

Her lip is already much better.

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When I was listing the many reasons why this was a particularly silly time to be inviting the Binky Fairy to visit our house, I left off the fact that Petunia has hit her 6 month growth spurt. Monday night, I had barely gotten Pumpkin to sleep and Petunia's bottles ready for the next day before Petunia woke up for the first time wanting to eat. Last night, I lost track of how many times I nursed her. Maybe 4 or 5? Prior to this, Petunia was waking only once to eat, and had shown signs that she might be convinced to drop that, so this is quite a set back. It reminds me of the "bad old days" of sleep (or lack thereof) during Pumpkin's infanthood. I am much more sanguine about it this time around, though, perhaps because I know that it is just a phase, and that I will survive it. Perhaps because I have already figured out how to function on so little sleep.

Still, the combination of Petunia's growth spurt (and concomitant all night nursing), Pumpkin's continuing potty regression, and Pumpkin's recent decision that Daddy is not allowed to help her with anything (because apparently only Mommy knows how to properly help her wash hands) have left me feeling drained- literally and figuratively.

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Speaking of Pumpkin's potty regression.... it is not due to a urinary tract infection, and gee, it was a lot of fun finding that out. (Being an hour late to work because you were trying- and failing- to convince a three year old to pee into a cup is downright demoralizing.) Everything I've read indicates that this is pretty normal, and that all we can do is just grin and bear it. And do a lot of laundry. I have a load in the dryer right now.

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And on happier, but even more mundane, topics.... we still love our dishwasher. And the Scanpan has worked out great. Due to a poor shopping decision, we ended up with a large "standard" Calphalon non-stick skillet and a smaller Scanpan. The Calphalon one is already discoloring and clearly won't last all that long. When it goes, I'll replace it with a Scanpan, because the small one has been awesome.

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Did I miss anything? I often find myself wondering about dropped threads in the blogs I read. If I've dropped any myself, mention it in the comments, and I'll fill you in. I'm all about the oversharing!

Everyday Magic

The Binky Fairy is going to visit our house tonight.

When Pumpkin finished reading stories with Daddy, she and I gathered up her binkies (she had four) and put them on the table, at the spot where she usually sits. Then, while she sleeps, the Binky Fairy will come and take the binkies to little babies who need them, and leave a surprise for Pumpkin (a giant Dora coloring book- what can I say? This plan was hatched late in the day, and I only had the energy to drive to the nearby drug store for the surprise).

This is absolutely not the time I would have chosen to take Pumpkin's binkies away. She was down to using them only at night, and occasionally when she got really upset during the day. I bought the book Pacifiers Are Not Forever, and started reading it to her. I was planning to gradually get Pumpkin used to the idea that her binkies were going to go away, and to wait until after her third birthday to actually take them away (the timing plan was based on the information/advice in Isabel's Bedtiming book). I certainly wasn't going to mess with anything else while we were in the middle of the potty training regression (which, it turns out, is not due to a UTI. It has improved somewhat but not completely resolved).

But Pumpkin has a rash on her upper lip. She's had it for months. Hubby took her to the doctor, who found a yeast overgrowth. We've been treating that, and frankly, her lip looks even worse. It is peeling, and red, and just looks painful. After months of being nonchalant about it, Pumpkin is now bothered by it. She doesn't want us to wipe her mouth after she eats. I can only imagine how much it must hurt if she eats or drinks something acidic. It has become increasingly apparent that the binkies are at least part of the problem. Last night, I looked at the rash and saw the perfect outline of her binky.

So this afternoon, I told Pumpkin about the Binky Fairy. She cried a bit, and said that she didn't want the Binky Fairy to come. I was planning to wait until next weekend to have the Binky Fairy actually come- Pumpkin seems to do better if she has time to get used to new ideas. But then, at dinner, Pumpkin announced that the Binky Fairy was going to come tonight and take her binkies away and give them to babies who still need them. And so the plan was moved to tonight.

She fell asleep easily without her binky tonight (muttering under her breath about how the Binky Fairy was going to come take her binkies and give them to babies), but the real test will be tomorrow. She no longer naps on weekends, and is so tired by the end of the day that she falls asleep in 10 minutes or less. During the week, she naps at day care, and it takes 30-45 minutes to get her to sleep. (Someday, I'll figure out what to do about that... but that is DEFINITELY waiting until after she is three.)

I hope she likes her new giant Dora coloring book when she sees it tomorrow morning. I suspect that disappointment with the Binky Fairy's surprise will not help things go smoothly.

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I understand fairy tales far better now that I am a parent. I am finding a lot of "magic" slipping into out parenting. I dished out the Binky Fairy story without a second thought. We also have a Birdie, who brings a little treat (these days, a gummy worm) during naptime (these days, during the "quiet time" that we're trying to get to replace naptime).

The Birdie is actually a bit of a family tradition. My mom used it with me and my sister, and her mom used it with her and her six (yes, six) brothers. I don't remember when I figured out that the Birdie was really my mom, but I do know that my sister and I pretended we still believed for a longer than we really did, because we liked the treats. And I certainly don't remember being upset by the fiction when I figured it out.

I think the Binky Fairy and the Birdie, like fairy tales, are useful because they help us teach our children the "rules" of life long before they are actually able to understand them. Pumpkin needs some quiet time in the early afternoon, or her evening is a disaster. She needs to stop using her binkies so that her lip can get better. I can try to explain these things to her, but I don't think her brain development has progressed to the point where there is any hope of that actually producing the desired behavior. The Binky Fairy and the Birdie, though, work great. I'd read about this explanation for fairy tales, but I don't think I truly understood it until I had kids. If you really need your kid not to wander off into the woods alone, just explaining the risks isn't going to do the trick. But the Little Red Riding Hood story might.

Maybe I should start working now on the story I'll tell Petunia to get her to stop sucking her thumb.

Self-Censored

I go to a book club once a month. It is one of the few non-work, non-child related things I still manage to do, and I generally look forward to the meetings. For reasons that don't really matter to anyone outside of the book club, we need to seriously cut back on talk about babies, birth, mothering, and all that. Now, my book club knows about this blog, and some of them even read it occasionally, so I want to be really clear that I think this is a very good idea. In fact, I was the one who suggested it.

But. (You knew there had to be a "but", didn't you?)

But it makes my heart hurt a little to think about this. There are several mothers in the club (hence the need for the change). The other mothers seem to have done a better job than I have of keeping parts of their pre-baby lives. They watch TV shows and movies, and read books other than those we've chosen for our club. I marvel at this. By the time we get our kids in bed and our chores done, Hubby and I are usually too exhausted to do much more than crawl into bed ourselves. Our book club does actually discuss the books we read, but we also talk about other things. And frankly, if I stop talking about my kids and motherhood, and don't talk about my job (which no one in the club really wants to hear about)- well, there is not much left. Except for my opinions on health care reform, I suppose, but even those are informed by my experience as a mother.

To be honest, I don't think the hurt comes from the restrictions on topics at book club so much as the general restrictions on how I interact with the rest of the world when it comes to motherhood. I must not talk about the difficulties of being a parent because no one forced me to have kids. I must not wish out loud for a more flexible work place because the accommodations made for working families are so unfair to those who don't have kids. I must not wish for better government support for working parents because we already get so many tax breaks and that is unfair to single people. If I go out in public with my children (except maybe to a park), I must be hyper vigilant to ensure that they do not disturb anyone else, because other people have a right to enjoy public spaces without being bothered by noisy little kids. And most of all, I must not imply that having children is a good thing to do, because the planet is already overcrowded.

My husband wonders why I care so much what other people think. I don't really know, but I suspect it is because I used to be "child free", too. I remember how other people's kids weren't that interesting to me, and how I wished for an adults only day at the zoo. (Really! I did. In retrospect, this was a bit silly, but I really believed it at the time.) I know that there is no way to describe how motherhood has made me a better, less selfish person without somehow implying that people without children are shallow and selfish. I certainly do not believe this to be true, so I choose instead to avoid trying to describe how transformative motherhood has been for me. And I would never tell someone that they can't truly understand something because they do not have kids (especially if in my heart of hearts I think it is true).

This self-censorship is exhausting, and more than a little isolating. I find myself wanting to spend more time with other mothers, or with the few old friends I have with whom self-censorship is entirely unnecessary. The isolation I feel is one of the reasons I read (and write) blogs. I think that this self-censorship and the concomitant search for other people who are just like me is a sad thing, not just for me and my small little social life, but because it is indicative of a larger problem in society. Thanks to technology (like blogs....) we now have the ability to choose to talk with only those people whose views will not challenge our own. This is far bigger than parents and non-parents, although I don't think that this divide is as trivial as it may seem at first. (What would happen if we worked together to bring about true flexibility in the work place? I had true flex time at my previous job, and I loved it from the beginning, long before I had kids. I loved being able to arrange my work week so that I could leave early on a Friday for a long weekend getaway.) It is also Democrats and Republicans, Tea Partiers and Progressives. When was the last time you had a political conversation with someone whose views are different from your own? Or do you politely change the topic when it becomes clear you do not agree? We have lost the ability to politely disagree with someone, but to still listen and really try to understand their point of view.

I don't know the solution. I can try to listen, but it takes two to have a true conversation, and I'm afraid to talk.

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I almost deleted this post as a little too whiny and self-absorbed. But then I decided that if I can't navel-gaze on my blog, where can I do it? (Hey! Look at all that lint!) And I really wanted to get this out of my system. Besides, self-censoring a post on self-censorship just seems wrong.

Cool Graphic on Vitamins

I came across a graphic showing the amount of evidence for various vitamins and supplements by way of Derek Lowe at In the Pipeline. It is a really cool way to look at the data, but then, the Information Is Beautiful site always has cool ways to look at the data. I thought I'd share it, particularly since I've recently been talking about the evidence supporting the use of vitamin D.