Like most people, I had a lot of ideas about how I'd parent before I had kids. And like most people, most of my ideas turned out to be wrong.
The latest idea to fall is the idea that I wouldn't sign my kids up for a lot of classes and activities. We started out well- Pumpkin hadn't been to so much as a Mommy and Me music class before she turned three. But then we decided we wanted Pumpkin to learn a foreign language, and the earlier you start that, the better, so she's taking Chinese lessons. And of course, you have to do swim lessons. (And to be fair, they have been a huge help with getting Pumpkin comfortable in the water- and given where we live, I consider swimming to be a necessary life skill.)
Still, when one of the other parents at day care sent out an email about soccer lessons one day a week after day care, I thought "no way- we don't have time."
But, since I am a true co-parent, I forwarded the email to Hubby. Turns out, he's quite keen on the idea. He's worried- I kid you not- about her "ball skills". I pointed out that she's four. He pointed out that her baby sister is actually better at throwing and kicking than she is. I had to concede that point, but I think Petunia may just be unusually good in that regard. The kid can throw one handed and catch reliably already, and she is not yet two.
Regardless, Pumpkin is now signed up for seven weeks of soccer class. We've sort of figured out how to make that fit in our schedule. And I've resigned myself to the fact that we're going to be parents like all the other parents- swearing that we don't want to overschedule our kids while we somehow find their schedule filling up.
In other news, I have finally found a dinner that everyone in the family likes- gnocchi. The only problem is that it requires three different toppings: pesto for me and Hubby, cheese and nothing else for Pumpkin, and red sauce for Petunia. It is a good thing that I gave up on the idea that my kids wouldn't be picky eaters a long time ago.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Daydream Non-Believer
Anytime I get disillusioned with my job and daydream about what my "ideal" work life would look like, the picture I see in my head is of me as a writer. I see me spending my time researching cool and interesting topics, weaving together perspectives from multiple different disciplines, and then turning that research into beautifully crafted prose that my adoring fans would pay lots of money to read.
I suspect you can already spot the problem with this daydream: it is utterly unrealistic. I know that being a writer would be a lot harder than the daydream implies. I know that there would be parts of the writer's job that I would be good at (self-motivating, for instance) and parts that I would find quite challenging (having to call people as part of my research, for instance). I know that garnering adoring fans would be no sure thing- and believe me, I harbor no illusions about how easily I would produce beautifully crafted prose. I've been writing this blog for long enough to know that I rarely, if ever, hit that mark.
And yet... the work of a writer, at least of the type of writer I daydream about being, is actually consistent with what I like in a job: as I figured out during my life reorg, I am drawn to the chance to organize information. I do that now, figuring out how to corral the mess of information produced in drug discovery into databases and SharePoint sites and the like. And a good non-fiction writer organizes information, too, but with the added aspect that she needs to then explain that information (and the organizational scheme) to her readers. In that aforementioned beautifully crafted prose.
However, I think that what keeps drawing my daydreaming mind to the idea is that the lifestyle appeals to me. I like the idea of being able to arrange my work week however it suited me, and I like the idea of being judged by my output, and not the hours it took me to produce it. The most appealing aspect of the job may actually be the idea that being efficient could be rewarded in a way that it is not in corporate jobs. In my current line of work, efficiency is generally rewarded with more work. In my writing daydream, it is rewarded with the opportunity to work a little less. Perhaps this is an overly idealistic view of what writing would be like. OK, this is almost certainly an overly idealistic view of what writing would be like. I suspect that I would actually need to fight the urge to work longer hours, to make more money.
But maybe not. The one time I had the opportunity to choose a little more time over more money, I chose the time: I cut my hours to 35 per week for about a year after Pumpkin was born. I felt productive at work in 35 hours- as I alluded to in my post on my work limit, if I try to work too few hours, I don't feel productive. I spend all my work time getting my head back into the work, and not much time actually getting anything done. So I don't want a true part time job. I would just like to redefine full time a bit.
When I think it through, it is not even that I really to work fewer hours on a week by week basis. I don't want to work less. I just want to work different. I want more time to travel. Since both my husband and I have "paid time off" (PTO) instead of vacation time and sick leave, a lot of our time off goes to caring for sick kids (or being sick ourselves with whatever illness the kids have passed on to us). We struggle to take real vacations. When was the last time we both two solid weeks off of work? I'm trying to remember, and I think it was right after Petunia was born- which hardly counts. I think the last time we came close to an actual two week vacation was our trip to Oregon, while I was pregnant with Petunia. And if I remember correctly, the I was only able to take that much time off at that point because I was allowed to take a couple of the days off without pay.
Even once my kids stop sucking all of my PTO into sick days, I suspect it will be hard to take the three week long vacations that Hubby and I took back when we were first together. People are shocked (and a bit horrified) when I say that I used to take a three week vacation every year- without a Blackberry. I don't know if this is a sign of my increased seniority (and responsibilities) or the fact that after years and years of downsizing and productivity increases, corporate America isn't really set up to have people disappear for three weeks. There is very little slack left for anyone to cover anyone else's work for more than a few days. Of course, it can be done. I managed to take a three month maternity leave after the birth of each child. I worked extra hard before and after each leave, organizing things for my upcoming absence and then picking up threads that had gone loose while I was out. I'd be more than willing to do that again in exchange for a proper three week holiday. But everyone seems to think that our work is too important to put on hold for anything as trivial as a vacation.
I know that this is nonsense, but I work in a culture that has bought into the nonsense. I fight it to the extent that I can. I do still take vacations, and I limit the encroachment of work into those vacations. (I work in IT, so even I accept that some situations are better handled from vacation than allowed to fester until I return.) And I daydream about finding a way to define my own work culture. The only way I'm going to get to do that is to be the boss- and I'm not really in the line of work that leads to being the boss in biotech. I have zero interest in the business development side of drug discovery. Perhaps I might someday find myself as the chief operating officer of a small biotech, but I'm pretty sure I'll never be the CEO. I've toyed with the idea of striking out as an independent consultant/contractor in my field, and I may yet do that (I have more thoughts on this coming in a future post on what sort of retirement I may get). In the meantime, I daydream about throwing it all in, and writing.
Why don't I act on my daydream? Well, for one thing, I suspect I'd miss drug discovery. For all its ups and downs and craziness, it is a pretty cool thing to be doing. I've also gotten a bit attached to my paycheck, and we've set up a life that depends on me earning a fair amount of money. All of that could change, but I'm not sure that I want it to. When I layer the hard truths of reality onto my soft-focus daydream, it doesn't look so great anymore. So I'll probably stay in my current field. But maybe, someday, when the kids are out of day care and our mortgage is a little smaller, I might decide to make some changes, and maybe, just maybe, I'll try out that daydream and see what its like.
------------------------------------------
What about you? What do you daydream about doing instead of your current job? Or are you doing the one and only thing that could ever make you happy?
I suspect you can already spot the problem with this daydream: it is utterly unrealistic. I know that being a writer would be a lot harder than the daydream implies. I know that there would be parts of the writer's job that I would be good at (self-motivating, for instance) and parts that I would find quite challenging (having to call people as part of my research, for instance). I know that garnering adoring fans would be no sure thing- and believe me, I harbor no illusions about how easily I would produce beautifully crafted prose. I've been writing this blog for long enough to know that I rarely, if ever, hit that mark.
And yet... the work of a writer, at least of the type of writer I daydream about being, is actually consistent with what I like in a job: as I figured out during my life reorg, I am drawn to the chance to organize information. I do that now, figuring out how to corral the mess of information produced in drug discovery into databases and SharePoint sites and the like. And a good non-fiction writer organizes information, too, but with the added aspect that she needs to then explain that information (and the organizational scheme) to her readers. In that aforementioned beautifully crafted prose.
However, I think that what keeps drawing my daydreaming mind to the idea is that the lifestyle appeals to me. I like the idea of being able to arrange my work week however it suited me, and I like the idea of being judged by my output, and not the hours it took me to produce it. The most appealing aspect of the job may actually be the idea that being efficient could be rewarded in a way that it is not in corporate jobs. In my current line of work, efficiency is generally rewarded with more work. In my writing daydream, it is rewarded with the opportunity to work a little less. Perhaps this is an overly idealistic view of what writing would be like. OK, this is almost certainly an overly idealistic view of what writing would be like. I suspect that I would actually need to fight the urge to work longer hours, to make more money.
But maybe not. The one time I had the opportunity to choose a little more time over more money, I chose the time: I cut my hours to 35 per week for about a year after Pumpkin was born. I felt productive at work in 35 hours- as I alluded to in my post on my work limit, if I try to work too few hours, I don't feel productive. I spend all my work time getting my head back into the work, and not much time actually getting anything done. So I don't want a true part time job. I would just like to redefine full time a bit.
When I think it through, it is not even that I really to work fewer hours on a week by week basis. I don't want to work less. I just want to work different. I want more time to travel. Since both my husband and I have "paid time off" (PTO) instead of vacation time and sick leave, a lot of our time off goes to caring for sick kids (or being sick ourselves with whatever illness the kids have passed on to us). We struggle to take real vacations. When was the last time we both two solid weeks off of work? I'm trying to remember, and I think it was right after Petunia was born- which hardly counts. I think the last time we came close to an actual two week vacation was our trip to Oregon, while I was pregnant with Petunia. And if I remember correctly, the I was only able to take that much time off at that point because I was allowed to take a couple of the days off without pay.
Even once my kids stop sucking all of my PTO into sick days, I suspect it will be hard to take the three week long vacations that Hubby and I took back when we were first together. People are shocked (and a bit horrified) when I say that I used to take a three week vacation every year- without a Blackberry. I don't know if this is a sign of my increased seniority (and responsibilities) or the fact that after years and years of downsizing and productivity increases, corporate America isn't really set up to have people disappear for three weeks. There is very little slack left for anyone to cover anyone else's work for more than a few days. Of course, it can be done. I managed to take a three month maternity leave after the birth of each child. I worked extra hard before and after each leave, organizing things for my upcoming absence and then picking up threads that had gone loose while I was out. I'd be more than willing to do that again in exchange for a proper three week holiday. But everyone seems to think that our work is too important to put on hold for anything as trivial as a vacation.
I know that this is nonsense, but I work in a culture that has bought into the nonsense. I fight it to the extent that I can. I do still take vacations, and I limit the encroachment of work into those vacations. (I work in IT, so even I accept that some situations are better handled from vacation than allowed to fester until I return.) And I daydream about finding a way to define my own work culture. The only way I'm going to get to do that is to be the boss- and I'm not really in the line of work that leads to being the boss in biotech. I have zero interest in the business development side of drug discovery. Perhaps I might someday find myself as the chief operating officer of a small biotech, but I'm pretty sure I'll never be the CEO. I've toyed with the idea of striking out as an independent consultant/contractor in my field, and I may yet do that (I have more thoughts on this coming in a future post on what sort of retirement I may get). In the meantime, I daydream about throwing it all in, and writing.
Why don't I act on my daydream? Well, for one thing, I suspect I'd miss drug discovery. For all its ups and downs and craziness, it is a pretty cool thing to be doing. I've also gotten a bit attached to my paycheck, and we've set up a life that depends on me earning a fair amount of money. All of that could change, but I'm not sure that I want it to. When I layer the hard truths of reality onto my soft-focus daydream, it doesn't look so great anymore. So I'll probably stay in my current field. But maybe, someday, when the kids are out of day care and our mortgage is a little smaller, I might decide to make some changes, and maybe, just maybe, I'll try out that daydream and see what its like.
------------------------------------------
What about you? What do you daydream about doing instead of your current job? Or are you doing the one and only thing that could ever make you happy?
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Zenbit: Hong Kong Lights
Hong Kong is one of those places that you really haven't seen until you've seen it at night.
Location: Hong Kong, China
Date: April 4, 2006
Friday, July 08, 2011
Weekend Reading: The Smorgasbord Edition
Petunia's cuteness coupled with frustration inducement continues... she is feeling better, so tonight we all went for a walk after dinner. She insisted on bringing her Magna-doodle with her. And she used it. Every now and then, she would stop and scribble on it. Very cute, but that coupled with an intense interest in the rocks in one of the front yards we passed, made us get home long after Pumpkin and Hubby did.
Anyway, I have a veritable smorgasbord of links for you this week... as in there is no unifying theme whatsoever.
I came across this post in praise of "small art" via Cyd Harrell's twitter feed. She tweets a haiku pretty much every day- which is reason enough to follow her, in my opinion. She tweeted this link with a comment about the sentiments applying to her haikus. I wonder if it also applies to dilettantish blog posts?
Awhile back, One Tired Ema linked to the excellent Gravity Circus blog, written by an OB/Gyn, and I've been hooked ever since. It is a fascinating look at pregnancy and delivery from the doctor's side. She had a post this week about the importance of just getting things done as a doctor. I think her conclusion that 50% of success is just getting things done applies equally well to a lot of other jobs, too.
The MamaBee's twitter feed led me to a post about one of the unexpected benefits of being a working mom. It isn't a particularly deep post, but it does make a point that is worth remembering- there are some aspects of parenting that may actually be easier as a working parent.
My friend Jennywennycakes' twitter feed led me to a more depressing article about motherhood. The article made me so sad for the writer, mostly because none of the things that she feels she missed out on because of motherhood seem incompatible with motherhood to me. It reads more like an indictment of rigid class structures and/or poor advising that led the author to think that her only path after finishing secondary school was to get married and have kids. (But, having said that, I also readily admit that I gave something up when I chose to have kids- it is a trade off I was happy to make, but I do still miss some of the freedom and spontaneity of my pre-kids life, and that feeling- which I suspect is common amongst parents- doesn't get discussed openly all that often. So I can understand a bit of where she is coming from.)
And finally, a couple of more light-hearted things from Australia. First, blue milk has found some funny baby beanies on Etsy. I am generally not so "in your face" about breastfeeding in public, but perhaps that is because no one has ever given me a single bit of grief about it. Ah, the joys of living in Southern California, where women on the beach routinely expose more flesh than I do when I nurse my baby.
And my husband had been finding funny things on the internet again. This is an oldie but goodie (although I do find the fact that they had to give the entire history in the intro a bit depressing):
Anyway, I have a veritable smorgasbord of links for you this week... as in there is no unifying theme whatsoever.
I came across this post in praise of "small art" via Cyd Harrell's twitter feed. She tweets a haiku pretty much every day- which is reason enough to follow her, in my opinion. She tweeted this link with a comment about the sentiments applying to her haikus. I wonder if it also applies to dilettantish blog posts?
Awhile back, One Tired Ema linked to the excellent Gravity Circus blog, written by an OB/Gyn, and I've been hooked ever since. It is a fascinating look at pregnancy and delivery from the doctor's side. She had a post this week about the importance of just getting things done as a doctor. I think her conclusion that 50% of success is just getting things done applies equally well to a lot of other jobs, too.
The MamaBee's twitter feed led me to a post about one of the unexpected benefits of being a working mom. It isn't a particularly deep post, but it does make a point that is worth remembering- there are some aspects of parenting that may actually be easier as a working parent.
My friend Jennywennycakes' twitter feed led me to a more depressing article about motherhood. The article made me so sad for the writer, mostly because none of the things that she feels she missed out on because of motherhood seem incompatible with motherhood to me. It reads more like an indictment of rigid class structures and/or poor advising that led the author to think that her only path after finishing secondary school was to get married and have kids. (But, having said that, I also readily admit that I gave something up when I chose to have kids- it is a trade off I was happy to make, but I do still miss some of the freedom and spontaneity of my pre-kids life, and that feeling- which I suspect is common amongst parents- doesn't get discussed openly all that often. So I can understand a bit of where she is coming from.)
And finally, a couple of more light-hearted things from Australia. First, blue milk has found some funny baby beanies on Etsy. I am generally not so "in your face" about breastfeeding in public, but perhaps that is because no one has ever given me a single bit of grief about it. Ah, the joys of living in Southern California, where women on the beach routinely expose more flesh than I do when I nurse my baby.
And my husband had been finding funny things on the internet again. This is an oldie but goodie (although I do find the fact that they had to give the entire history in the intro a bit depressing):
Thursday, July 07, 2011
(It Is a Good Thing) She's So Cute
Petunia may be at the peak of toddler cuteness. And- perhaps not coincidentally- she is also at or near the peak of the "its a good thing she's so cute" phase.
After two glorious nights in which she slept through the night in her own crib, we had two really bad nights. It wasn't her fault. She had a high fever and was clearly uncomfortable. But at about 1:45 a.m. on Tuesday night, having yet to get any real sleep because she was continually plucking at my shirt (even though she seemed to be asleep), I stormed out to the sofa, thinking I'd get some sleep out there. I did, but I woke up in the morning with a seriously tweaked back.
It remains seriously tweaked. Last night, I did some yoga with Pumpkin, which helped. (When I say "I did yoga with Pumpkin" what I mean is "I did yoga while Pumpkin played with my blocks and strap and talked to me, pausing every once in a while to demonstrate how much better she is at downward dog than I am.") So I thought I'd try some yoga stretches tonight. Well, as hard as it is to do yoga with Pumpkin around, doing yoga with Petunia around is about 500x harder. She thought I wanted to play and came and blew raspberries on my stomach while I was doing a reclined twist. She climbed on my back when I was doing child's pose. So I gave up. I'll try again once I'm sure Pumpkin is down for the night.
And then Petunia was difficult to get down tonight. She's clearly feeling better. She gave me one of her characteristic pout/frowns when I turned off the light after reading her stories, then laid her head on her hand, pointed at the door, and said "beh"- she wanted to go down in our bed. Fine, I thought. She's still getting over being sick. Whatever. But when I settled in next to her in bed, she just started kicking me, and giggling. So back into her room we went. In the end, Hubby had to take over because it was time for me to finish off Pumpkin's bedtime routine.
So, yeah. It is a good thing Petunia is so cute.
And she is cute. She is remarkably good at playing catch. She can throw (one armed!) and catch the little soft soccer ball we use. She is delighted with each throw and attempted catch, whether or not they are successful.
She is also remarkably opinionated about what she wears on her head and her feet. Clearly, she knows that shoes make the outfit, and if we try to put the wrong shoes on her, she protests and tries to hide her feet until we take her in and let her pick the right ones- whatever they are that day. She also insists on picking her own hat for the day. My mom sews us the cutest hats, so we have a plethora for her to choose from. She is always certain about which one she wants, and no other one will do. I cannot for the life of me figure out her system for choosing, but I think she looks cute in whatever she chooses.
Total aside: isn't it interesting how you can make any phrase look like an 80s song title by inserting some parentheses?
After two glorious nights in which she slept through the night in her own crib, we had two really bad nights. It wasn't her fault. She had a high fever and was clearly uncomfortable. But at about 1:45 a.m. on Tuesday night, having yet to get any real sleep because she was continually plucking at my shirt (even though she seemed to be asleep), I stormed out to the sofa, thinking I'd get some sleep out there. I did, but I woke up in the morning with a seriously tweaked back.
It remains seriously tweaked. Last night, I did some yoga with Pumpkin, which helped. (When I say "I did yoga with Pumpkin" what I mean is "I did yoga while Pumpkin played with my blocks and strap and talked to me, pausing every once in a while to demonstrate how much better she is at downward dog than I am.") So I thought I'd try some yoga stretches tonight. Well, as hard as it is to do yoga with Pumpkin around, doing yoga with Petunia around is about 500x harder. She thought I wanted to play and came and blew raspberries on my stomach while I was doing a reclined twist. She climbed on my back when I was doing child's pose. So I gave up. I'll try again once I'm sure Pumpkin is down for the night.
And then Petunia was difficult to get down tonight. She's clearly feeling better. She gave me one of her characteristic pout/frowns when I turned off the light after reading her stories, then laid her head on her hand, pointed at the door, and said "beh"- she wanted to go down in our bed. Fine, I thought. She's still getting over being sick. Whatever. But when I settled in next to her in bed, she just started kicking me, and giggling. So back into her room we went. In the end, Hubby had to take over because it was time for me to finish off Pumpkin's bedtime routine.
So, yeah. It is a good thing Petunia is so cute.
And she is cute. She is remarkably good at playing catch. She can throw (one armed!) and catch the little soft soccer ball we use. She is delighted with each throw and attempted catch, whether or not they are successful.
She is also remarkably opinionated about what she wears on her head and her feet. Clearly, she knows that shoes make the outfit, and if we try to put the wrong shoes on her, she protests and tries to hide her feet until we take her in and let her pick the right ones- whatever they are that day. She also insists on picking her own hat for the day. My mom sews us the cutest hats, so we have a plethora for her to choose from. She is always certain about which one she wants, and no other one will do. I cannot for the life of me figure out her system for choosing, but I think she looks cute in whatever she chooses.
 |
| On her way to more mischief, well accessorized. |
Total aside: isn't it interesting how you can make any phrase look like an 80s song title by inserting some parentheses?
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