I would not have expected it to be something as trivial as a dress and $20 that pushed me over the edge, but that is in fact what did it.
My best friend from college is getting married (in France! How cool is that?) and I am of course going to her wedding. I need a dress, and I don't need to spend a lot of time and emotional energy traipsing around the mall trying on dresses, so I decided to buy one via eShakti. I've bought a couple of skirts from them, and really liked them. I love being able to customize the fit so that my clothes actually FIT. It is awesome.
So anyway, I clicked around on the site and found a dress that I think will be good for the wedding (this one, if you're curious, except in a brighter green that is apparently now sold out). I got Mr. Snarky to help me take the gazillion measurements I needed, and then... my browser froze. So I tried again in a different browser, and then... I logged in with the wrong email address and couldn't use the $20 off coupon I had.
And then I lost it.
A little while later, after literally crying in my beer for awhile, I successfully completed my order, complete with the $20 savings, and the dress is now being made.
I'm not really sure why the dress and the $20 pushed me over the edge. We are being a bit more careful with our money right now, since we're hoping to add a room on to our house, and that is a major expense. But even so, $20 wouldn't sway things one way or the other.
Perhaps it is because I really wanted to take advantage of the "buy two, get one free" offer eShakti was also running and get this really cool rabbit dress I had my eye on and that is now also apparently gone (but here is a tank top in the same fabric). I decided against it, because we are being more careful with our money right now and I don't need another dress. But that bothers me, because the reason we have to be more careful with our money in order to do the renovation is that I quit my job last year. Contracting is going well, but not well enough to replace my former income right now, and the other things I'm doing aren't bringing in much money yet.
So perhaps the reason I fell to pieces over a dress and $20 was that I'm a bit stressed about my career choices right now. I'm in the process of ramping up my networking efforts and hope to find another contract soon. I in fact am waiting to hear about one small one. I'm also working hard to set my other efforts up for success, but even if everything I'm trying works (and it won't), it will be quite awhile before I see any monetary fruits of this effort.
I don't think it was the money, or even the extra effort I'm putting into work right now, that pushed me over the edge, though. I honestly think it was the uncertainty. You see, we are waiting to find out whether or not we're going to owe a lot of taxes. Last year was quite unusual in several ways, and we truly have no idea how it is going to work out. We should hear back from our accountant by the end of this week.
But we can't decide about the renovations until we hear about the taxes.
And we can't decide whether or not Mr. Snarky gets to come with me to the wedding in France until we know whether we're doing a renovation.
And we can't figure out what, if anything, we're doing for a family summer vacation this year until we know if Mr. Snarky is coming to France (and whether we're doing the renovation).
And we can't figure out a summer camp schedule and register for our camps until we know what we're doing for summer vacation.
And we need to get the camp registrations in ASAP, because Pumpkin wants to go to a couple of the popular camps.
We also need to decide when we're going to move Petunia from day care to camp (or perhaps straight to school).
And aaaaaaahhhhhh.... so much uncertainty!
Anyway, I'm back to trying to ignore the uncertainty tonight. Our accountant has told us he'll have our taxes done by Friday, so we'll get to figure everything out soon. I've also regained some of my usual perspective about how none of these problems are actually bad.
Still, this has been an interesting experience- I was not previously aware that I am so sensitive to uncertainty. What about you? What sort of thing pushes you over the edge?