First of all, this post is a bit whiny and self-indulgent. Click away if that is going to annoy you. If you stay- don't say you weren't warned!
Second of all, to understand this post, you need to remember that Petunia is in the "I know what I want, but I can't always communicate it, and I certainly don't accept that I can't always have it" phase. I had forgotten how frustrating that phase is for all involved. I am well and truly tired of being screamed at.
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Thursdays are the day of the week that I (theoretically) go for a run (OK, pathetic jog) after work. Originally, Hubby was going to pick both kids up at day care, and I would leave straight from work to drive to the bay and go for a run. Even with the run, I'd get home before everyone else, and get a load of laundry started and some sit ups in before Hubby got home with the kids.
That lasted for about a month, and was glorious while it lasted.
But then we wanted to start Pumpkin in swim lessons, and decided to do it on a weeknight because we already have Chinese lessons every other weekend. Both swim lessons and my run interfere a bit with our usual dinner routine, necessitating leftovers. Because we prioritize family dinners, we didn't want to do that twice a week. (And now that we have soccer on Tuesdays, which leads to us eating out every Tuesday night, we're even less inclined to add another leftovers night to the mix.)
So I started picking Petunia up before my run, and taking her with me. The idea was that she would come along in the jogging stroller for my run, and then get 5-10 minutes at the playground before we went home.
That worked for maybe two weeks. Then Petunia started fighting getting in her stroller. Despite what Hubby might tell you about what a softy I am, this is not just a case of me being insufficiently stubborn: one time, she screamed for 20 minutes in the stroller. I hate to inflict that on everyone else trying to enjoy the bay.
But then I had an idea- what if I took snacks and a drink for Petunia? I could bribe her into her stroller! That worked beautifully. For one week.
Today, I left my workout clothes at home, but remembered everything else I need (jogging stroller, drink and snacks for Petunia) and was wearing comfortable shoes, so I decided to go for a walk by the bay. I bribed Petunia into her stroller and set off. But, about 10 minutes in, she started asking for cereal. I didn't have any. Screaming ensued.
After what seemed like an hour, we finally got back to the playground. (Have you ever noticed how slowly time passes when your toddler is screaming?) Petunia wanted to go on the swing, but only if she could hold her bowl of crackers (which she had previously tried to throw on the ground in a fit of pique over the absence of cereal). With the lid off. At a precarious angle. If I tried to adjust any of this, she screamed.
Then, when it was time to go, she screamed.
Then, when I got her in the car, and took the now empty bowl of crackers and dumped out the crumbs before handing it back to her, she decided to scream the entire way home.
I'm leaning towards giving up on the Thursday evening run idea. Getting screamed at for 20-30 minutes in a public place is stressing me out.
After all that screaming, I really wanted to do yoga tonight. But Petunia's bedtime has had to shift later, to minimize the screaming at bedtime (if she's tired, she goes down with much less fuss). I tried to convince Pumpkin to trade the first part of her bedtime routine (listening to exactly four songs on one of her CDs) for 15 minutes of extra time before bedtime. No dice. She tried it twice, and wanted to go back to her original routine. Doing yoga when Petunia is awake is just not possible- she thinks it is a variation of a game she plays with Daddy and climbs on me. So, no yoga. (Although... Pumpkin hasn't called for me in a good five minutes... maybe she's asleep and I can go do it now? Or, I could have a beer and try to forget all the screaming.)
This, my friends, is why I have not lost the five pounds it would take to get me back into the "healthy" weight range. When some well meaning person tells me that I "just" need to "make time for myself" and go exercise, I want to punch them in the face. I'm good at logistics. I view scheduling everything that everyone in the family needs/wants to do as a puzzle and don't generally mind figuring out how to make it happen. But I haven't figured this puzzle out yet. I'm now looking at whether I can protect enough time during one of my work days to allow me to go work out during the day with any regularity. That's hard at this job, so I consider that a seriously suboptimal solution, which will probably result in me skipping a lot of workouts due to meetings. But if my only other option is getting screamed at while I try to run? Maybe it isn't so bad.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Trouble with Transitions
We have a problem with transitions in this family. It isn't the kids- they actually handle them OK, although modifications to Pumpkin's bedtime routine are never easy. No, the real problem is with the grown ups.
For instance, it is probably time to move Petunia to a "big girl" bed. She asks almost nightly to be put down in our bed. Her bedtimes have become a bit of a nightmare. We'll rock her to sleep, only to have her wake up screaming as we try to lower her into her crib. When I cave and bring her to our bed to put her down, she falls asleep fairly easily as long as she's been rocked almost all the way to sleep first (which doesn't usually take all that long), and then I can roll away and leave her. I'm fairly certain that once she has a big girl bed, her bedtime routine will be easier. We'll still rock her until she's sleepy, but then we can snuggle her in bed for a bit and then roll away.
But Hubby isn't on board yet. He was similarly slow to get on board with getting Pumpkin a big girl bed- a move that ultimately coincided quite closely with her finally sleeping through the night in her own bed. To this day, she does not get up at night and roam the halls, which was what he worried about. If she wakes up, she sits up and yells for one of us (usually me). I suspect Petunia would do the same.
To be fair, I'm dragging my feet on this one a bit, too. I'd like to use the transition to the big girl bed as a trigger to stop bringing her into our bed when/if she wakes up at night. Instead, one of us would go snuggle her back to sleep in her bed. But... we're going on vacation in September. She will almost certainly be sharing our bed for most of that vacation- we're not rich enough to get hotel rooms big enough to avoid that. (Although I am intrigued by the idea of tossing both the girls into a bed and seeing if that helps or hurts in the sleep department....) So part of me thinks that we should wait and get the big girl bed when we get back from vacation. But another part of me isn't sure I can take another month or so of bedtime struggles, so I may yet argue to go ahead and get the bed now.
Regardless, that is hardly the only transition that we struggle with. I dragged out the end of pumping both times around. Every time one of the girls moves to the next room at day care, I get all wistful. They, for the most part, are happy to move up. I had another bout of this recently when the center's associate director told me that not only would Pumpkin be moving to the next (and last!!!!) room, but that Petunia will move up to her next room as soon as she turns 2. Pumpkin is thrilled with her move, which happened on Monday. I can't believe that my first little baby is a bona fide preschooler now. Nor, for that matter, can I believe that my second little baby is a bona fide toddler now.
I don't think I can do anything about my cliche "oh, they're getting so big, so fast!" feelings about the day care transitions. But I should probably fight down the mixed feelings on the big girl bed and just get the damn thing bought.
For instance, it is probably time to move Petunia to a "big girl" bed. She asks almost nightly to be put down in our bed. Her bedtimes have become a bit of a nightmare. We'll rock her to sleep, only to have her wake up screaming as we try to lower her into her crib. When I cave and bring her to our bed to put her down, she falls asleep fairly easily as long as she's been rocked almost all the way to sleep first (which doesn't usually take all that long), and then I can roll away and leave her. I'm fairly certain that once she has a big girl bed, her bedtime routine will be easier. We'll still rock her until she's sleepy, but then we can snuggle her in bed for a bit and then roll away.
But Hubby isn't on board yet. He was similarly slow to get on board with getting Pumpkin a big girl bed- a move that ultimately coincided quite closely with her finally sleeping through the night in her own bed. To this day, she does not get up at night and roam the halls, which was what he worried about. If she wakes up, she sits up and yells for one of us (usually me). I suspect Petunia would do the same.
To be fair, I'm dragging my feet on this one a bit, too. I'd like to use the transition to the big girl bed as a trigger to stop bringing her into our bed when/if she wakes up at night. Instead, one of us would go snuggle her back to sleep in her bed. But... we're going on vacation in September. She will almost certainly be sharing our bed for most of that vacation- we're not rich enough to get hotel rooms big enough to avoid that. (Although I am intrigued by the idea of tossing both the girls into a bed and seeing if that helps or hurts in the sleep department....) So part of me thinks that we should wait and get the big girl bed when we get back from vacation. But another part of me isn't sure I can take another month or so of bedtime struggles, so I may yet argue to go ahead and get the bed now.
Regardless, that is hardly the only transition that we struggle with. I dragged out the end of pumping both times around. Every time one of the girls moves to the next room at day care, I get all wistful. They, for the most part, are happy to move up. I had another bout of this recently when the center's associate director told me that not only would Pumpkin be moving to the next (and last!!!!) room, but that Petunia will move up to her next room as soon as she turns 2. Pumpkin is thrilled with her move, which happened on Monday. I can't believe that my first little baby is a bona fide preschooler now. Nor, for that matter, can I believe that my second little baby is a bona fide toddler now.
I don't think I can do anything about my cliche "oh, they're getting so big, so fast!" feelings about the day care transitions. But I should probably fight down the mixed feelings on the big girl bed and just get the damn thing bought.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Dinner during Dora: Pumpkin-Parmesan Scones
As I was making dinner tonight, I decided that I needed to write it up as a Dinner during Dora post. This recipe is a bit of a stretch for Dinner during Dora- I have to do some preparation the night before, and even so, the time from entering the kitchen to putting dinner on the table is closer to 35 minutes than 20. But the recipe stays in high rotation in our house because it produces one of the only vegetable-containing substances that Pumpkin will currently eat.
So, without further ado, I give you...
Pumpkin-Parmesan Scones
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup chilled butter, cut into pieces
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1/2 cup fat-free plain yogurt (I use Greek yogurt. I do not know why, and I am not inclined to experiment with the recipe now, so Greek yogurt it is)
1 egg
A small amount of milk
2 tbs grated Parmesan cheese
1 tbs pumpkinseed kernels
The night before:
1. Mix the dry ingredients together in a large bowl and cover the bowl.
2. Measure the pumpkin and yogurt into small bowls, cover, and refrigerate.
3. Grate the Parmesan cheese, cover, and refrigerate.
When you get home from work:
1. Turn on oven to 400 degrees F and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (sorry, trees- this makes clean up so much easier).
2. Situate child(ren) in front of TV or other distracting device. I don't recommend letting them in the kitchen to help unless you are willing to have this recipe take 45 minutes. Trust me on this.
3. Cut the butter into the dry ingredients. Or rub it in, using your hands (my preferred method- but either will work). I think you could actually do this the night before, but then you'd have to find room in your fridge for the large bowl as well as the small bowls, and my fridge just isn't up to that task.
4. Crack the egg into a medium size bowl and beat it lightly with a whisk.
5. Dump in the pumpkin and yogurt, and stir with the whisk.
6. Dump the pumpkin/yogurt/egg mix into the dry ingredients/butter mix and stir. I can never get it to combine fully, so when it looks about like this:
I stop stirring and mix the rest by hand.
7. When the mix is mostly one lump of dough, dump it out on a floured surface, and finish mixing/kneading the dough. You don't want to over-knead the dough, so just go until all the stray dry ingredients are mixed in, and then give it a couple more turns.
8. Pat it into a circle.
9. Cut into wedges and arrange them on the cookie sheet that you prepped in step 1.
10. Brush the tops of the wedges with a little milk. Sprinkle cheese on top of scones, except for the scone destined for the picky 4 year old who likes cheese on everything except these scones. Push 4-5 pumpkinseed kernels into the scones, except for the one for the aforementioned 4 year old and the one for the toddler who you were once afraid might choke on the seeds (and whose love of these scones you are afraid to mess with).
11. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.
I serve these with soup. If we have leftover soup frozen, we use that. Tonight, we didn't, so we had a boxed soup from the grocery store (it was nice- acorn squash-mango). Pumpkin has Campbell's Princess Soup because that is the only soup she likes. Well, she also likes the Dora soup. (Yes, we pick our battles in this house, and soup is not something I care to argue over- some nights everyone gets their own can of soup, so this doesn't feel like the dreaded "short order chef" syndrome to me.) Petunia actually tried some of our soup tonight, and seemed to like it.
Source: I modified this recipe slightly from the original, which is from Cooking Light. If you follow the link, you'll notice that a couple of people think that you can't really taste the pumpkin. I agree. This may be why they are so successful in this house.
Who eats it: Everyone! Both kids really like these. And so do the grown ups.
So, without further ado, I give you...
Pumpkin-Parmesan Scones
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup chilled butter, cut into pieces
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1/2 cup fat-free plain yogurt (I use Greek yogurt. I do not know why, and I am not inclined to experiment with the recipe now, so Greek yogurt it is)
1 egg
A small amount of milk
2 tbs grated Parmesan cheese
1 tbs pumpkinseed kernels
The night before:
1. Mix the dry ingredients together in a large bowl and cover the bowl.
2. Measure the pumpkin and yogurt into small bowls, cover, and refrigerate.
3. Grate the Parmesan cheese, cover, and refrigerate.
When you get home from work:
1. Turn on oven to 400 degrees F and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (sorry, trees- this makes clean up so much easier).
2. Situate child(ren) in front of TV or other distracting device. I don't recommend letting them in the kitchen to help unless you are willing to have this recipe take 45 minutes. Trust me on this.
3. Cut the butter into the dry ingredients. Or rub it in, using your hands (my preferred method- but either will work). I think you could actually do this the night before, but then you'd have to find room in your fridge for the large bowl as well as the small bowls, and my fridge just isn't up to that task.
4. Crack the egg into a medium size bowl and beat it lightly with a whisk.
5. Dump in the pumpkin and yogurt, and stir with the whisk.
6. Dump the pumpkin/yogurt/egg mix into the dry ingredients/butter mix and stir. I can never get it to combine fully, so when it looks about like this:
I stop stirring and mix the rest by hand.
7. When the mix is mostly one lump of dough, dump it out on a floured surface, and finish mixing/kneading the dough. You don't want to over-knead the dough, so just go until all the stray dry ingredients are mixed in, and then give it a couple more turns.
8. Pat it into a circle.
9. Cut into wedges and arrange them on the cookie sheet that you prepped in step 1.
10. Brush the tops of the wedges with a little milk. Sprinkle cheese on top of scones, except for the scone destined for the picky 4 year old who likes cheese on everything except these scones. Push 4-5 pumpkinseed kernels into the scones, except for the one for the aforementioned 4 year old and the one for the toddler who you were once afraid might choke on the seeds (and whose love of these scones you are afraid to mess with).
11. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.
I serve these with soup. If we have leftover soup frozen, we use that. Tonight, we didn't, so we had a boxed soup from the grocery store (it was nice- acorn squash-mango). Pumpkin has Campbell's Princess Soup because that is the only soup she likes. Well, she also likes the Dora soup. (Yes, we pick our battles in this house, and soup is not something I care to argue over- some nights everyone gets their own can of soup, so this doesn't feel like the dreaded "short order chef" syndrome to me.) Petunia actually tried some of our soup tonight, and seemed to like it.
Source: I modified this recipe slightly from the original, which is from Cooking Light. If you follow the link, you'll notice that a couple of people think that you can't really taste the pumpkin. I agree. This may be why they are so successful in this house.
Who eats it: Everyone! Both kids really like these. And so do the grown ups.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Quotable: A Quiet Life?
The people asleep in those houses, I thought, tried to live like the mice in their own kitchens; to make no noise, to leave no trace, to slip over the surface of things in the dark."
Willa Cather, in My Antonia.
I'm not sure if I think this is an entirely bad goal... similar to the old curse about living in interesting times, I suspect that a noisy life might not always be a happy one.
Willa Cather, in My Antonia.
I'm not sure if I think this is an entirely bad goal... similar to the old curse about living in interesting times, I suspect that a noisy life might not always be a happy one.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Weekend Reading: The Contradictory Time Use Research Edition
This week's weekend reading is going to be a short one- Petunia got a runny nose this week (but no fever!) and now Hubby and I are both sick. Petunia seems to be on the mend already, so we're hoping this is a short cold. Still, the sofa is calling me...
But I came across two posts about time use this week, which I want to share. I don't really agree with either of them, and they seemed to contradict each other. So, of course, I have to write about them.
First, the study referenced in this post (the actual article is behind a paywall, and I'm not curious enough to pay) says that men and women are now spending almost the same amount of time on paid work and unpaid work (i.e., chores), but that men spend more of it on paid work and women spend more of it on chores.
I don't agree that this is anything to celebrate- it is impossible to tease apart cause and effect. Are women working less paid hours and perhaps hobbling their careers because they feel they need to put in more time at home? Or, are women just choosing to do more at home and therefore find that they can't put in as many paid hours?
I also wanted to know if the study had tried to match men and women based on type of job. The study I'd seen of academic scientists indicated that men and women put in approximately the same number of hours at work- but that the men still put in far less time at home. (See this old post of mine for my take on this and a link to the study- which was small.)
The study referenced in this rather depressing post finds the same thing- male and female scientists are working about the same number of hours. The study finds that they work long hours- close to 55 hours per week.
The problem I have is that this study is based on just asking people how many hours they work. That method has been shown to be less accurate than having people track their time- and that won't surprise anyone who's actually done a timetracking exercise (here are the results of my most recent one). I'd love to see a survey of academics and/or scientists that uses the more rigorous timetracking method. I think we'd find that they are working long hours- but not 55 hours/week. My guess is that it would come in closer 45-50 hours/week- still high, but I can tell you that 45 hours/week is very manageable, because that is roughly what I'm logging in my new job. (Remember, in these surveys, sitting in your office does NOT equal working- you track what you're actual doing, not where you are.)
My second problem with that post has nothing to do with the study, or really even the post. It was the comments. I actually felt that I had to add a comment to be a counter to all of the comments saying that it was impossible to work in science and be a mother. As I think I've shown, that's just not true. I've got absolutely no problem with a mother who decides that working is not for her. I agree that the way we've structured our workplaces and our paucity of family leave time adds unnecessary challenges to the lives of working parents. But it isn't as dire as some of those comments imply, and I was a bit shocked by the way the husbands of many of the commenters seemed to be let completely off the hook- if there was a conflict between work and home, it was the woman's problem to solve. Yikes. For instance, one comment bemoans the fact that if she worked her child would have to be in day care 9 hours a day. First of all, that is OK. But second of all, that is not the only way it could turn out. My husband and I slightly stagger our schedules, so our kids end up in day care for about 7 hours each day. I know that this isn't possible for everyone, but a lot of the people at our day care do something similar, so I know that we aren't utter freaks in this regard.
It also occurs to me that maybe one of the reasons I am not bothered by having my kids in day care all day is that "all day" isn't really all day- they don't go to bed until about 8:30 (Petunia) and 9:15 (Pumpkin), so we get quite a bit of time with them after work. And they wake up between 6:30 and 7, so we actually get a fair amount of time with them in the mornings, too. I guess that's a plus side to living in the low sleep needs universe....
But I came across two posts about time use this week, which I want to share. I don't really agree with either of them, and they seemed to contradict each other. So, of course, I have to write about them.
First, the study referenced in this post (the actual article is behind a paywall, and I'm not curious enough to pay) says that men and women are now spending almost the same amount of time on paid work and unpaid work (i.e., chores), but that men spend more of it on paid work and women spend more of it on chores.
I don't agree that this is anything to celebrate- it is impossible to tease apart cause and effect. Are women working less paid hours and perhaps hobbling their careers because they feel they need to put in more time at home? Or, are women just choosing to do more at home and therefore find that they can't put in as many paid hours?
I also wanted to know if the study had tried to match men and women based on type of job. The study I'd seen of academic scientists indicated that men and women put in approximately the same number of hours at work- but that the men still put in far less time at home. (See this old post of mine for my take on this and a link to the study- which was small.)
The study referenced in this rather depressing post finds the same thing- male and female scientists are working about the same number of hours. The study finds that they work long hours- close to 55 hours per week.
The problem I have is that this study is based on just asking people how many hours they work. That method has been shown to be less accurate than having people track their time- and that won't surprise anyone who's actually done a timetracking exercise (here are the results of my most recent one). I'd love to see a survey of academics and/or scientists that uses the more rigorous timetracking method. I think we'd find that they are working long hours- but not 55 hours/week. My guess is that it would come in closer 45-50 hours/week- still high, but I can tell you that 45 hours/week is very manageable, because that is roughly what I'm logging in my new job. (Remember, in these surveys, sitting in your office does NOT equal working- you track what you're actual doing, not where you are.)
My second problem with that post has nothing to do with the study, or really even the post. It was the comments. I actually felt that I had to add a comment to be a counter to all of the comments saying that it was impossible to work in science and be a mother. As I think I've shown, that's just not true. I've got absolutely no problem with a mother who decides that working is not for her. I agree that the way we've structured our workplaces and our paucity of family leave time adds unnecessary challenges to the lives of working parents. But it isn't as dire as some of those comments imply, and I was a bit shocked by the way the husbands of many of the commenters seemed to be let completely off the hook- if there was a conflict between work and home, it was the woman's problem to solve. Yikes. For instance, one comment bemoans the fact that if she worked her child would have to be in day care 9 hours a day. First of all, that is OK. But second of all, that is not the only way it could turn out. My husband and I slightly stagger our schedules, so our kids end up in day care for about 7 hours each day. I know that this isn't possible for everyone, but a lot of the people at our day care do something similar, so I know that we aren't utter freaks in this regard.
It also occurs to me that maybe one of the reasons I am not bothered by having my kids in day care all day is that "all day" isn't really all day- they don't go to bed until about 8:30 (Petunia) and 9:15 (Pumpkin), so we get quite a bit of time with them after work. And they wake up between 6:30 and 7, so we actually get a fair amount of time with them in the mornings, too. I guess that's a plus side to living in the low sleep needs universe....
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