I'm soooo close to being caught up. But I'm not there yet. That's why this post is later than usual today- I was pushing to try to finish something before I went to pick up the kids, and then the kids and I went out for a little "girls' night out." Mr. Snarky has a friend in town for a conference, and he went downtown for dinner with his friend. So the girls and I went to dinner, too, and then for a walk on the beach (short, because it was windy and the tide was high), and then to Rita's for a treat.
Anyway, once I get them in bed, I need to get back to work. I under a deadline to finish something by tomorrow night. I'll make it, but not without some work tonight.
So, withour further delay, here are the links I've gathered this week:
First off, three things from Vox that I liked:
The story about how the rich families in Florence have remained rich for 700 years sort of blew my mind. When I think about it, I shouldn't be surprised. But it still blew my mind.
I liked this post about the benefits of urban farming. I enjoy having my little pots of veggies in the backyard, and dream of someday having an actual vegetable garden. First, I need to get blinds in the office, though. Twice a day, the sun comes in and blinds me for about 10 minutes. I should really fix that. Also, the sun is probably bleaching the upholstery on my chair. So, no vegetable garden for me until I finish fixing up the inside of the house. (In addition to the blinds, I have a window to get fixed, curtains to buy, and some baseboards that still haven't been painted since the remodel.)
Finally, a few weeks ago there was a spate of posts about how you can't lose weight with exercise, and then there was a spate of posts about how you can't rely on diet alone to keep you thin, and then there was that depressing story about the people who had gone on The Biggest Loser... and perhaps in response to that, a doctor who specializes in obesity wrote a post about how yes, it is possible to lose weight and keep it off, we just need to ditch our "all or nothing" mindset. Here's the part I really like:
"The term I coined to describe it is "best weight," where your best weight is whatever weight you reach when you're living the healthiest life that you actually enjoy."
Mother Jones published an excerpt from Peggy Orenstein's latest book, and it has me a bit scared for my future of helping my daughters navigate their way to a healthy attitude towards their bodies and towards sex. Thankfully, I have a little time before I have to really deal with this, but it is coming up fast.
I've mostly stopped reading the political posts because my mind is made up on how I'm voting and what I'm doing and all of the analysis is just stressing me out. But Rolling Stone's Matt Taibi went in on the GOP and Donald Trump, and all I can say is: DAMN.
Paying skilled workers more would help solve the "skills gap."
I like this post from Kameron Hurley, about meeting up with feminists younger and older than herself.
I don't seem to have anything funny saved to share, but if you're looking for something lighthearted and fun to read, this week's Tungsten Hippo recommendation is a good option.
Happy weekend, everyone!
Friday, May 20, 2016
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Breathing Room
I am determined not to let another week go by without a post, so I'm going to try to finish this draft that has been sitting in my drafts folder for several days, even though the reason it is sitting in the drafts folder is that I'm having a hard time solidifying my thoughts. You've been warned....
A couple of weeks ago, Sheryl Sandberg wrote a long post (on Facebook, of course) about how she hadn't realized how much harder it is to "lean in" as a single mother.
There are, of course, a bazillion pieces of writing about this, some rolling their figurative eyes at her, some more sympathetic.
I fall on the more sympathetic side, probably because I have recently been confronted with my own example of the limits of empathy. It is hard to understand what we don't experience, and I've yet to come across someone who doesn't have some blind spots. Yes, Sandberg could have done more to include the extra challenges faced by single mothers in her original book, but I give her credit for admitting her error so publically.
Probably my favorite reaction to her announcement was a piece I only got around to reading today, from Andie Fox (some of you might know of her from her Blue Milk blog). Fox writes about her own early years of single motherhood, and how precarious it all sometimes was.
I have no experience with single motherhood - my husband is very much still here and present and doing things like being in charge of dentist appointments - but something resonated with me in her piece, and I think it is helping me draw together some disparate threads I've been thinking about for a long time.
Sandberg's post and Fox's piece about it both highlight how much of how we experience life depends on how much margin we have to absorb the unexpected. Call it buffer (as we do when we talk about finance), call it slack (as I do when I talk about kanban and time use and project management), call it breathing room. I've come to think we don't have enough of it, in any aspect of most of our lives.
Through most of human history, this was almost inevitable. We were struggling to find food to survive, and shelter to keep us safe from the elements. We do not need to operate in that paradigm anymore. We have learned so much about how to master our world that we could all live without fear of starvation, and with a roof over our heads.
We haven't figured out how to do that, yet, but that is largely a problem of figuring outh ow to share resources effectively and negotiating the politics. It is no longer a technical one. Of course, as is so often the case, the technical challenge turned out to be the easy part. The remaining challenges are hard, and I don't underestimate that.
I don't know how solve the political problem of poverty, and that's not really what this post is about.
It is more about how a lot of people don't have enough breathing room, really, even if they have enough money for food and shelter, and how unevenly this breathing room can be distributed, even within a single family. (Some families do a better job of distributing the breathing room than others, of course.)
I've long thought that this lack of breathing room in our way of life is not healthy, even for those of us who aren't dealing with extreme situations like poverty. I think that for some people, it may contribute to both physical and mental illness. I think it takes something from all of us, even if it doesn't make us clinically ill. I wonder what our world would look like if we could figure out how to give everyone a little more slack in their lives.
When I'm operating without enough slack, I'm less kind. I don't parent as well as I can. I don't take care of myself. I don't make the best decisions. I'm more likely to let my asthma spiral out of control. I am less likely to notice the beauty of a sunset or a crisp, clear night.
I think there are aspects of our culture that steal breathing room away from people unnecessarily. Our focus on material wealth as a sign of success. Our "always on" work culture, that I firmly believe is counterproductive even for its stated goal of achieving more productivity with less money. Our tendency to judge other people's choices (and feel defensive about our own), which I think leads to "competitive parenting" that creates pressure to be seen doing things that don't actually add that much value to our children's lives.
I could probably go on, if I thought about it some more. I think there is a lot of good in our modern culture, too- see the above point about making enough food to feed people. Also, there are little things like how I had two wonderful conversations yesterday with people who support me and believe in me - and who I would never have met without this online space we've created.
So I'm not arguing for returning to a "simpler life." I don't think earlier ages were any kinder to people. In fact, in many ways, they were probably less kind. Instead, I'm arguing for us to stop and think a bit more carefully about how we want to use the resources we have. Can we add more breathing room in for people, and if we do, can we distribute it a bit more fairly?
I don't know how to do this. I think being more deliberate about our own work is a start. I think that if we find ourselves in a position in which we manage other people and their work, we have a responsibility to learn how to do it well, so that those people can have more breathing room, too. I may even think this is a moral responsibility, although I'm hesitant to label it as such.
I don't delude myself into thinking that helping more people do these things will solve all the worlds problems, but I very much believe that it will make the world a little better. This is why I'm so passionate about work hours and better management. I really do think it makes a difference, at least in the local environment around the people who are making more breathing room for themselves and others.
And maybe, if we get enough little pockets of breathing room, they'll start to merge together, and we really will change things for the better.
A couple of weeks ago, Sheryl Sandberg wrote a long post (on Facebook, of course) about how she hadn't realized how much harder it is to "lean in" as a single mother.
There are, of course, a bazillion pieces of writing about this, some rolling their figurative eyes at her, some more sympathetic.
I fall on the more sympathetic side, probably because I have recently been confronted with my own example of the limits of empathy. It is hard to understand what we don't experience, and I've yet to come across someone who doesn't have some blind spots. Yes, Sandberg could have done more to include the extra challenges faced by single mothers in her original book, but I give her credit for admitting her error so publically.
Probably my favorite reaction to her announcement was a piece I only got around to reading today, from Andie Fox (some of you might know of her from her Blue Milk blog). Fox writes about her own early years of single motherhood, and how precarious it all sometimes was.
I have no experience with single motherhood - my husband is very much still here and present and doing things like being in charge of dentist appointments - but something resonated with me in her piece, and I think it is helping me draw together some disparate threads I've been thinking about for a long time.
Sandberg's post and Fox's piece about it both highlight how much of how we experience life depends on how much margin we have to absorb the unexpected. Call it buffer (as we do when we talk about finance), call it slack (as I do when I talk about kanban and time use and project management), call it breathing room. I've come to think we don't have enough of it, in any aspect of most of our lives.
Through most of human history, this was almost inevitable. We were struggling to find food to survive, and shelter to keep us safe from the elements. We do not need to operate in that paradigm anymore. We have learned so much about how to master our world that we could all live without fear of starvation, and with a roof over our heads.
We haven't figured out how to do that, yet, but that is largely a problem of figuring outh ow to share resources effectively and negotiating the politics. It is no longer a technical one. Of course, as is so often the case, the technical challenge turned out to be the easy part. The remaining challenges are hard, and I don't underestimate that.
I don't know how solve the political problem of poverty, and that's not really what this post is about.
It is more about how a lot of people don't have enough breathing room, really, even if they have enough money for food and shelter, and how unevenly this breathing room can be distributed, even within a single family. (Some families do a better job of distributing the breathing room than others, of course.)
I've long thought that this lack of breathing room in our way of life is not healthy, even for those of us who aren't dealing with extreme situations like poverty. I think that for some people, it may contribute to both physical and mental illness. I think it takes something from all of us, even if it doesn't make us clinically ill. I wonder what our world would look like if we could figure out how to give everyone a little more slack in their lives.
When I'm operating without enough slack, I'm less kind. I don't parent as well as I can. I don't take care of myself. I don't make the best decisions. I'm more likely to let my asthma spiral out of control. I am less likely to notice the beauty of a sunset or a crisp, clear night.
I think there are aspects of our culture that steal breathing room away from people unnecessarily. Our focus on material wealth as a sign of success. Our "always on" work culture, that I firmly believe is counterproductive even for its stated goal of achieving more productivity with less money. Our tendency to judge other people's choices (and feel defensive about our own), which I think leads to "competitive parenting" that creates pressure to be seen doing things that don't actually add that much value to our children's lives.
I could probably go on, if I thought about it some more. I think there is a lot of good in our modern culture, too- see the above point about making enough food to feed people. Also, there are little things like how I had two wonderful conversations yesterday with people who support me and believe in me - and who I would never have met without this online space we've created.
So I'm not arguing for returning to a "simpler life." I don't think earlier ages were any kinder to people. In fact, in many ways, they were probably less kind. Instead, I'm arguing for us to stop and think a bit more carefully about how we want to use the resources we have. Can we add more breathing room in for people, and if we do, can we distribute it a bit more fairly?
I don't know how to do this. I think being more deliberate about our own work is a start. I think that if we find ourselves in a position in which we manage other people and their work, we have a responsibility to learn how to do it well, so that those people can have more breathing room, too. I may even think this is a moral responsibility, although I'm hesitant to label it as such.
I don't delude myself into thinking that helping more people do these things will solve all the worlds problems, but I very much believe that it will make the world a little better. This is why I'm so passionate about work hours and better management. I really do think it makes a difference, at least in the local environment around the people who are making more breathing room for themselves and others.
And maybe, if we get enough little pockets of breathing room, they'll start to merge together, and we really will change things for the better.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Weekend Reading: The Well, It Wasn't a BAD Stomach Bug Edition
Another week with no blog post. Bah. I blame the stomach bug my six year came down with on Tuesday and gave to me. It wasn't a bad stomach bug, or at least it wasn't bad for us. All bodily fluids stayed where they belonged, but she was miserable with a stomach ache for a day and a half. My stomach was just a little dodgy for a bit, and I was wiped out.
I will say, though, that the one thing worse than wanting to throwing up and not being able to is watching your kid want to throw up and be unable to. Probably the "kiss and hug the poor thing" instinct this triggered in me is why I got sick and my husband (who sensibly kept his distance) did not.
Oh well.
Anyway, how about some links?
First of all... IT IS PRE-ORDER TIME!!! Yes, Don't Call it Bollywood is now available for pre-order. While you're checking out those links, admire the website redesign I completed last weekend.
Also, we're probably going to do the Twitter watch-along on June 2. Details still being worked out. If you're interested in joining us for that, you can still sign up to get the details by email.
And if you're sort of curious, but on the fence... the author has a blog that you can check out.
Another aspect of modern India: they are trying to clean up the Ganges. I find the format of that story incredibly annoying, but the content is worth the effort.
If you've seen the glowing posts about those signing gloves, read this alternative view.
On how to evaluate the validity of political labels:
Ta-Nehisi Coates' post about what happened when he and his wife tried to buy a new house felt like a punch to the gut. Maybe it his excellent writing. Maybe it is the knowledge that the thing that propelled him to fame was an article that was ultimately about unfair housing practices. I don't know. But damn. Those journalists should be ashamed of themselves.
Sarah Marshall wrote a thoughtful article about looking back, and rethinking, the "scandals" of the 90s. I always believed Anita Hill, and thought O.J. Simpson almost certainly killed Nicole. But Tonya Harding. Oh wow. We did not do right by her at all.
Speaking of women we aren't doing right by: Ann Friedman considers a tough week for sexual assault survivors.
That's a heavy way to end, so let's lighten it up with this cartoon:
and this nerdy Hamilton fun:
And for any other SoCal folks who might be visiting LA (or who live there): I want to check out all of these bars. And write a similar list for San Diego. Exhaustively researched, of course.
But... neither of those wishes is likely to come true. I can, perhaps, nibble around the edges, though, and plan my next trip to LA around one of those bars. I can also get some Saturday afternoon babysitting set up some week and pick one of the many outdoor San Diego bars to visit.
This weekend, though, I'll probably just go easy on my stomach.
Happy weekend, everyone!
I will say, though, that the one thing worse than wanting to throwing up and not being able to is watching your kid want to throw up and be unable to. Probably the "kiss and hug the poor thing" instinct this triggered in me is why I got sick and my husband (who sensibly kept his distance) did not.
Oh well.
Anyway, how about some links?
First of all... IT IS PRE-ORDER TIME!!! Yes, Don't Call it Bollywood is now available for pre-order. While you're checking out those links, admire the website redesign I completed last weekend.
Also, we're probably going to do the Twitter watch-along on June 2. Details still being worked out. If you're interested in joining us for that, you can still sign up to get the details by email.
And if you're sort of curious, but on the fence... the author has a blog that you can check out.
Another aspect of modern India: they are trying to clean up the Ganges. I find the format of that story incredibly annoying, but the content is worth the effort.
If you've seen the glowing posts about those signing gloves, read this alternative view.
On how to evaluate the validity of political labels:
— Drug Monkey (@drugmonkeyblog) May 13, 2016
Ta-Nehisi Coates' post about what happened when he and his wife tried to buy a new house felt like a punch to the gut. Maybe it his excellent writing. Maybe it is the knowledge that the thing that propelled him to fame was an article that was ultimately about unfair housing practices. I don't know. But damn. Those journalists should be ashamed of themselves.
Sarah Marshall wrote a thoughtful article about looking back, and rethinking, the "scandals" of the 90s. I always believed Anita Hill, and thought O.J. Simpson almost certainly killed Nicole. But Tonya Harding. Oh wow. We did not do right by her at all.
Speaking of women we aren't doing right by: Ann Friedman considers a tough week for sexual assault survivors.
That's a heavy way to end, so let's lighten it up with this cartoon:
Why science needs more funding... :) pic.twitter.com/vHbFnZtxb8— New Scientist (@newscientist) May 13, 2016
and this nerdy Hamilton fun:
I am not the reason no one cites you / No one knows what your papers mean #chemhamilton— Chemjobber (@Chemjobber) May 12, 2016
And for any other SoCal folks who might be visiting LA (or who live there): I want to check out all of these bars. And write a similar list for San Diego. Exhaustively researched, of course.
But... neither of those wishes is likely to come true. I can, perhaps, nibble around the edges, though, and plan my next trip to LA around one of those bars. I can also get some Saturday afternoon babysitting set up some week and pick one of the many outdoor San Diego bars to visit.
This weekend, though, I'll probably just go easy on my stomach.
Happy weekend, everyone!
Friday, May 06, 2016
Weekend Reading: The Oww, My Neck Hurts Edition
This morning, I put my hands up to my head to wash my hair, and something went SPASM in my neck/upper back, and OWWWWWW. This sucks. I never used to have problems with my back, but I've had something like this happen at least three times in the last 12 months. I think this means I'm getting old?
Anyway, I won't let a little pain keep me from posting my weekend links. But they might be shorter than usual.
First of all, I want to show you the cover of the next book I'm publishing, Don't Call It Bollywood, by Margaret E. Redlich. It will be out on June 1.
I'd usually link to the Annorlunda web page for it, but I'm in the process of upgrading the Annorlunda website, so I'll have to link to the Facebook post about it, instead.
Pre-orders start next week. I'm also still signing up people to be advance readers for this book. In addition, I'm planning to do a "watch-along" on Twitter. I'm a newbie to Hindi film, so I'll get Margaret to pick a movie for us to watch, and then we'll live tweet it with a hashtag I come up with. If you're interested in participating in that, you can also sign up on the advance readers form, and I'll send you a free e-copy of the book. Or you can just watch this space for an announcement of when the watch-along will be, and join in!
The website redesign is coming along, and should be ready in time for the pre-order period. I'm not doing anything drastic, but now that I have several books and a better idea of what I'm doing, it is time to update the placeholder site I put up when I started out.
OK, moving on to the links:
Obama gives the best speeches. Here is an excerpt of a speech he gave in Flint on the need for government. I hope that whatever he does post-White House, he still gives a lot of speeches.
I never would have guessed Lindsey Graham would be the one with a backbone, but there it is. I'm watching the rest of the Republican party fail this particular test with sadness.
Trump clinching the Republican nomination split my Twitter feed between people freaking out that he would win and people sure that he couldn't win. Like I said on Twitter, I come down on "the math's against him, but anything is possible" side. Ultimately, I don't think panic or complacency are a good response. I think it is time to step and do something:
I'll be donating money to Hillary's campaign, for a start. I'm thinking about what else I can do.
I know that there are people who really don't like Hillary, both on the left and the right. For those people, I offer this assessment from a sad Republican who is still going to do the right thing. To my Republican friends who find it in their hearts to vote for Hillary: I promise that if the Democrats every nominate someone as dangerously ill-suited to be President as Donald Trump is, I will take a deep breath and vote for whatever unpalatable (to me) but not dangerous candidate the Republicans (or whoever replaces them?) nominates.
As evidence, I offer the fact that I signed the petition to recall my last mayor, who was a Democrat, even though I suspected that would mean I'd get a new mayor whose policies I liked a lot less. I did, but at least he says he won't support Trump.
That's enough politics.
I suspect this idea for renting space in communal living arrangements around the world will get some grief from some quarters, but I think it is a pretty good idea, and actually know some people who would have been good candidates to use this service a few years ago.
This post from Laura Vanderkam is a good reminder to question the spin people put on the data... Also, mornings are generally pretty laid back around here (combination of early rising kids and late starting school), and while I sometimes wish I could sleep in longer, I think I prefer the low stress mornings. I've been experimenting with ways to capture more of the time for my own purposes, too. Still, if someone asked me if I'd use the hashtag #blessed to describe my mornings, I'd laugh at them. I don't think I'd use that hashtag to describe anything about my life, really.
Here's a good post about why you want bleached cake flour.
Here's a good article about the differences between the food foodies talk about and the food the rest of us make.
Happy weekend, everyone. I think I'm going to go collapse on a heating pad now.
Anyway, I won't let a little pain keep me from posting my weekend links. But they might be shorter than usual.
First of all, I want to show you the cover of the next book I'm publishing, Don't Call It Bollywood, by Margaret E. Redlich. It will be out on June 1.
I'd usually link to the Annorlunda web page for it, but I'm in the process of upgrading the Annorlunda website, so I'll have to link to the Facebook post about it, instead.
Pre-orders start next week. I'm also still signing up people to be advance readers for this book. In addition, I'm planning to do a "watch-along" on Twitter. I'm a newbie to Hindi film, so I'll get Margaret to pick a movie for us to watch, and then we'll live tweet it with a hashtag I come up with. If you're interested in participating in that, you can also sign up on the advance readers form, and I'll send you a free e-copy of the book. Or you can just watch this space for an announcement of when the watch-along will be, and join in!
The website redesign is coming along, and should be ready in time for the pre-order period. I'm not doing anything drastic, but now that I have several books and a better idea of what I'm doing, it is time to update the placeholder site I put up when I started out.
OK, moving on to the links:
Obama gives the best speeches. Here is an excerpt of a speech he gave in Flint on the need for government. I hope that whatever he does post-White House, he still gives a lot of speeches.
I never would have guessed Lindsey Graham would be the one with a backbone, but there it is. I'm watching the rest of the Republican party fail this particular test with sadness.
Trump clinching the Republican nomination split my Twitter feed between people freaking out that he would win and people sure that he couldn't win. Like I said on Twitter, I come down on "the math's against him, but anything is possible" side. Ultimately, I don't think panic or complacency are a good response. I think it is time to step and do something:
If you don't want to see Pres. Trump, decide what you'll do to stop him, and then do it. History has its eyes on us.— Wandering Scientist (@wandsci) May 4, 2016
I'll be donating money to Hillary's campaign, for a start. I'm thinking about what else I can do.
I know that there are people who really don't like Hillary, both on the left and the right. For those people, I offer this assessment from a sad Republican who is still going to do the right thing. To my Republican friends who find it in their hearts to vote for Hillary: I promise that if the Democrats every nominate someone as dangerously ill-suited to be President as Donald Trump is, I will take a deep breath and vote for whatever unpalatable (to me) but not dangerous candidate the Republicans (or whoever replaces them?) nominates.
As evidence, I offer the fact that I signed the petition to recall my last mayor, who was a Democrat, even though I suspected that would mean I'd get a new mayor whose policies I liked a lot less. I did, but at least he says he won't support Trump.
That's enough politics.
I suspect this idea for renting space in communal living arrangements around the world will get some grief from some quarters, but I think it is a pretty good idea, and actually know some people who would have been good candidates to use this service a few years ago.
This post from Laura Vanderkam is a good reminder to question the spin people put on the data... Also, mornings are generally pretty laid back around here (combination of early rising kids and late starting school), and while I sometimes wish I could sleep in longer, I think I prefer the low stress mornings. I've been experimenting with ways to capture more of the time for my own purposes, too. Still, if someone asked me if I'd use the hashtag #blessed to describe my mornings, I'd laugh at them. I don't think I'd use that hashtag to describe anything about my life, really.
Here's a good post about why you want bleached cake flour.
Here's a good article about the differences between the food foodies talk about and the food the rest of us make.
Happy weekend, everyone. I think I'm going to go collapse on a heating pad now.
Wednesday, May 04, 2016
Epiphanies
I have something on my mind that's interfering with my concentration, and since today is a work from home day, I think I'll try to write it out. Then I'll go for a run, and hopefully come back able to focus on the rest of my day.
I've tweeted a couple of times this week about having an epiphany or two about what made me take a sudden left turn off of my original career path. I want to write about those, but first, I need to set the stage.
I'm currently splitting my time between contracting and starting a business. The current focus of the business is short ebooks, but I have other (related) plans for the medium and long term. I am committed to this business and don't forsee abandoning it, even though it is the sort of business that grows slowly.
However, I am also committed to paying my bills, and don't forsee deciding to drastrically downsize them, either (for instance, by selling our house and moving some place cheaper). We don't need my full former income to pay our bills, but we need a sizeable percentage of it.
My contract work is what makes this possible. My current main contract will be winding down over the next few months. With it, goes my main source of income. This is not at all an unexpected event. In fact, I'm surprised the contract has run this long. I have been working to diversify my sources of income in anticipation of this. Unfortunately for me, I haven't managed to make anything else pay well enough to replace this income. Fortunately for me, the money I'll book before the contract ends should cover me for this calendar year, even though the actual work will probably finish earlier.
This gives me time to figure out what to do next. My current plan is to continue hustling to make my other projects pay more, and to ramp up my efforts to find another contract. My fallback plan is to go back to a full time job.
To be clear, I don't intend to shut down my corporation if I go back to fulltime work. My understanding of California labor law is that my employer couldn't really force me to do that (they can require that I not compete with them, but that's easy enough to ensure). But if push comes to shove, I'll take a full time job over running out of money. I'd probably just scale back the number of books I publish next year, and work on a strategy to grow that business slowly while I continue to work.
Also, if I sign up to work somewhere fulltime, it will be under the same assumptions I have always had: I'll stay and give the job my all for as long as the work is interesting and rewarding, and I don't count on them keeping me employed past the next paycheck. Fifteen years in biotech has taught me not to expect anything more from an employer, and my own code of ethics means I won't give an employer anything less.
So anyway, my main focus right now is on building my business and looking for more contracts, but I've started looking at job ads, mostly to get an idea of what sort of fulltime jobs I might look for if/when I decide to do that.
And the crappy thing is, everytime I looked at a job ad, I just wanted to cry. Not because of the possibility that I might need to go back to being a fulltime employee, but because reading the job descriptions I would always find two or three items that made me think "and that is how this job will suck." I couldn't see myself in those jobs, being treated with full respect. I could see myself in those jobs, constantly fighting for respect and recognition for what I do, because that is what I've mostly known. I wondered how I could possibly make a compelling application for a job, because the thought of actually doing any of the jobs I was looking at filled me with dread.
I'd pretty much resigned myself to the idea that if I go back to being a fulltime employee, I will be going back to feeling like every day is a bit of a battle, to feeling underappreciated and taken for granted.
But then, I went to look something up on a website for an email I was sending, and on a whim, I clicked on that site's "jobs" tab. I saw a job that I thought I could possibly be a good candidate for that didn't make me think "and that is how this job will suck." I was actually excited reading it, and even though I'm not actively searching for a fulltime job yet, I may apply for this job. We'll see.
That triggered epiphany #1: the problem wasn't with the idea of getting a job, it was with the specific jobs I was looking at. There are jobs out there that wouldn't fill me with dread, that I might actually be excited about.
The next day, I was answering a question from someone about one of my previous jobs, and I suddenly realized: all but one of my promotions came from a woman boss. I've had more male bosses than female bosses, and frankly, I've really liked almost all of them. But only one promotion has ever come from a man. It was my first promotion, and even in giving me it, he told me that I couldn't go higher until I "demonstrated I could build consensus."
(That wasn't bad advice, by the way, and damn, can I build consensus now... but it hasn't been a 100% good thing. I can often build consensus so unobtrusively that I think sometimes people don't even know what I've contributed. But that is perhaps a topic for another post.)
That triggered epiphany #2: I've spent my career watching male colleagues out-pace me. I've watched men who are objectively junior to me in experience be brought in and given the same title. I've watched men who know less than me be brought in and hailed as So Smart and The Best Thing Ever, even while they suggested things I'd argued for earlier.
Any time I've tried to address this (which frankly, wasn't that often), I've been brushed off. So, I've told myself to be humble, and work hard, and demonstrate that I'm good at my job and valuable... and it hasn't really worked. I've been paid well, but not treated well. No wonder I feel like I have to fight for respect and recognition. I DO have to fight for respect and recognition, and I'm apparently not very good at that.
What this epiphany told me is that in my current type of job, women can see my contributions clearly, and reward me for them. Men, not so much. I am falling off the tightrope, and I am consistently landing on the "doormat" side.
(The irony of this is that there are relationships I have with other women that I know are strained because the other woman thinks I'm too assertive. And I probably am, in that environment. I think I needed to have different personalities for work and non-work, and instead I tried to have one, integrated personality, and that failed in both places. That is a sobering realization, and I don't really know yet what I'm going to do with it.)
So, given these epiphanies, what do I do? I'm still figuring that out. Here are my options, as I see them:
1. Find another contract so I can keep things how they are. Work hard, build my company, and never have to worry about what a boss thinks of me again.
I really like this option, but I'm not having a lot of luck finding sizeable contracts. I've picked up several small things, but nothing big. So I'm also thinking about whether I could piece a bunch of small contracts together to make this a feasible option.
2. Get some coaching to figure out how to stay on the tightrope a bit better, so that I can go for jobs in my current field with some expectation of being able to command enough respect to avoid having the job suck.
I think I might also need some counseling to get over my past hurts in this regard, too.
3. Figure out how to make a lateral-type move to a different field, where the challenge of learning something completely new will compensate for any other issues. I love learning new things, and that can keep me happy through a lot- and is probably why it has taken me so long to figure out what was happening in my career.
I'd probably also get some coaching to get better at the tightrope walking, etc., but it wouldn't be so urgent.
I like this option, because I'd get to learn new things! But making a lateral-type move can be hard.
4. Figure out how to not care about getting respect/recognition in the workplace.
This would be a pretty good option, if I could just figure out how to do it.
And now I'm going to go for that run. Tell me any options you see that I've missed (or anything else) in the comments.
I've tweeted a couple of times this week about having an epiphany or two about what made me take a sudden left turn off of my original career path. I want to write about those, but first, I need to set the stage.
I'm currently splitting my time between contracting and starting a business. The current focus of the business is short ebooks, but I have other (related) plans for the medium and long term. I am committed to this business and don't forsee abandoning it, even though it is the sort of business that grows slowly.
However, I am also committed to paying my bills, and don't forsee deciding to drastrically downsize them, either (for instance, by selling our house and moving some place cheaper). We don't need my full former income to pay our bills, but we need a sizeable percentage of it.
My contract work is what makes this possible. My current main contract will be winding down over the next few months. With it, goes my main source of income. This is not at all an unexpected event. In fact, I'm surprised the contract has run this long. I have been working to diversify my sources of income in anticipation of this. Unfortunately for me, I haven't managed to make anything else pay well enough to replace this income. Fortunately for me, the money I'll book before the contract ends should cover me for this calendar year, even though the actual work will probably finish earlier.
This gives me time to figure out what to do next. My current plan is to continue hustling to make my other projects pay more, and to ramp up my efforts to find another contract. My fallback plan is to go back to a full time job.
To be clear, I don't intend to shut down my corporation if I go back to fulltime work. My understanding of California labor law is that my employer couldn't really force me to do that (they can require that I not compete with them, but that's easy enough to ensure). But if push comes to shove, I'll take a full time job over running out of money. I'd probably just scale back the number of books I publish next year, and work on a strategy to grow that business slowly while I continue to work.
Also, if I sign up to work somewhere fulltime, it will be under the same assumptions I have always had: I'll stay and give the job my all for as long as the work is interesting and rewarding, and I don't count on them keeping me employed past the next paycheck. Fifteen years in biotech has taught me not to expect anything more from an employer, and my own code of ethics means I won't give an employer anything less.
So anyway, my main focus right now is on building my business and looking for more contracts, but I've started looking at job ads, mostly to get an idea of what sort of fulltime jobs I might look for if/when I decide to do that.
And the crappy thing is, everytime I looked at a job ad, I just wanted to cry. Not because of the possibility that I might need to go back to being a fulltime employee, but because reading the job descriptions I would always find two or three items that made me think "and that is how this job will suck." I couldn't see myself in those jobs, being treated with full respect. I could see myself in those jobs, constantly fighting for respect and recognition for what I do, because that is what I've mostly known. I wondered how I could possibly make a compelling application for a job, because the thought of actually doing any of the jobs I was looking at filled me with dread.
I'd pretty much resigned myself to the idea that if I go back to being a fulltime employee, I will be going back to feeling like every day is a bit of a battle, to feeling underappreciated and taken for granted.
But then, I went to look something up on a website for an email I was sending, and on a whim, I clicked on that site's "jobs" tab. I saw a job that I thought I could possibly be a good candidate for that didn't make me think "and that is how this job will suck." I was actually excited reading it, and even though I'm not actively searching for a fulltime job yet, I may apply for this job. We'll see.
That triggered epiphany #1: the problem wasn't with the idea of getting a job, it was with the specific jobs I was looking at. There are jobs out there that wouldn't fill me with dread, that I might actually be excited about.
The next day, I was answering a question from someone about one of my previous jobs, and I suddenly realized: all but one of my promotions came from a woman boss. I've had more male bosses than female bosses, and frankly, I've really liked almost all of them. But only one promotion has ever come from a man. It was my first promotion, and even in giving me it, he told me that I couldn't go higher until I "demonstrated I could build consensus."
(That wasn't bad advice, by the way, and damn, can I build consensus now... but it hasn't been a 100% good thing. I can often build consensus so unobtrusively that I think sometimes people don't even know what I've contributed. But that is perhaps a topic for another post.)
That triggered epiphany #2: I've spent my career watching male colleagues out-pace me. I've watched men who are objectively junior to me in experience be brought in and given the same title. I've watched men who know less than me be brought in and hailed as So Smart and The Best Thing Ever, even while they suggested things I'd argued for earlier.
Any time I've tried to address this (which frankly, wasn't that often), I've been brushed off. So, I've told myself to be humble, and work hard, and demonstrate that I'm good at my job and valuable... and it hasn't really worked. I've been paid well, but not treated well. No wonder I feel like I have to fight for respect and recognition. I DO have to fight for respect and recognition, and I'm apparently not very good at that.
What this epiphany told me is that in my current type of job, women can see my contributions clearly, and reward me for them. Men, not so much. I am falling off the tightrope, and I am consistently landing on the "doormat" side.
(The irony of this is that there are relationships I have with other women that I know are strained because the other woman thinks I'm too assertive. And I probably am, in that environment. I think I needed to have different personalities for work and non-work, and instead I tried to have one, integrated personality, and that failed in both places. That is a sobering realization, and I don't really know yet what I'm going to do with it.)
So, given these epiphanies, what do I do? I'm still figuring that out. Here are my options, as I see them:
1. Find another contract so I can keep things how they are. Work hard, build my company, and never have to worry about what a boss thinks of me again.
I really like this option, but I'm not having a lot of luck finding sizeable contracts. I've picked up several small things, but nothing big. So I'm also thinking about whether I could piece a bunch of small contracts together to make this a feasible option.
2. Get some coaching to figure out how to stay on the tightrope a bit better, so that I can go for jobs in my current field with some expectation of being able to command enough respect to avoid having the job suck.
I think I might also need some counseling to get over my past hurts in this regard, too.
3. Figure out how to make a lateral-type move to a different field, where the challenge of learning something completely new will compensate for any other issues. I love learning new things, and that can keep me happy through a lot- and is probably why it has taken me so long to figure out what was happening in my career.
I'd probably also get some coaching to get better at the tightrope walking, etc., but it wouldn't be so urgent.
I like this option, because I'd get to learn new things! But making a lateral-type move can be hard.
4. Figure out how to not care about getting respect/recognition in the workplace.
This would be a pretty good option, if I could just figure out how to do it.
And now I'm going to go for that run. Tell me any options you see that I've missed (or anything else) in the comments.
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