Weekend Reading: The Little and Late Edition

This week was a mess of back to school events, including a picnic at the bay yesterday evening. Between that and an afternoon work meeting onsite at one of our customers... I didn't get this post written on time. Oh well.

And I don't have a lot to share, because of all the back to school events. Some weeks are like that!

Here's what I do have:

If you read only one thing on my list this week, make it this essay by Mollie Tibbits' father.

Here's a good comparison of how we treat women stars who do things like shoplift or react to winning an award or get sexually harassed by men vs. men stars who do things like sexually harass and/or assault women. Surprise! The women come off worse.

I guess I'm glad Barack Obama agrees that these upcoming midterms are the most important election of our lives. If you want to read his full speech, here it is. Then please, find a way to help win the midterms.

I agree with this assessment of what is at stake:

I think this is almost certainly true. And he purge will go way beyond the Mueller probe. https://t.co/EC0qqHqnir

— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) September 7, 2018

This xkcd cartoon made me laugh.

In recommended listening:

The On Being podcast episode with Mahzarin Banaji is wonderful.

That's all I have. Except... Bunny!

8th September 2018 pic.twitter.com/m6fyMHkv42

— Rabbit of the Day 🐰 (@RabbitoftheDay) September 8, 2018

Reclaiming Space

Last week, I replied to a tweet about the difficulty of putting in extra hours after the kids are in bed with this honest observation: This has gotten soooo much easier for me now that my children are a little older.

When my kids were babies, toddlers, or even preschoolers, my evenings were exhausting. The pick up the kids-make dinner-try not to feel hurt when the kids refuse my lovingly crafted dinner-playtime-bathtime-bedtime gauntlet was punishing. This was compounded by having a low sleep needs kid (how I envied people with 7 p.m. bedtimes for their toddlers!) and a kid who took awhile to get good at self-soothing. I would occasionally do some work after the kids were asleep, but only if I had a deadline looming. Mostly, I either collapsed into bed or wrote a blog post (which at the time was an outlet for me like Mr. Snarky currently uses TV: a way to unwind and remind myself that I still had things I enjoyed to do that were just for me). There is a reason that this is timeframe in which I fell for short ebooks.

Now, though, I often come into our home office after the kids are in bed and do something that qualifies as work. In fact I often come into the office while my kids are still awake and do work. My day job is no longer as "big" as earlier jobs were, so that evening work is not necessarily for the day job. Instead, it might be for Annorlunda Books, which involves things like accounting and querying reviewers that definitely feel like work in addition to things I find more fun.

It isn't that parenting has gotten easier. There are still problems to solve and times when I feel like I'm in over my head. But there is more space between the demands now. Some evenings, my kids need me, perhaps to help with homework or perhaps just to go on a walk or play a round of birdie and reconnect and hear about whatever is on their minds. Other evenings, they'd rather be off playing with the neighbors or reading their books. Space has opened up after dinner, and I am trying to make sure I claim some of it for myself.

Even on the nights when my after dinner time is claimed by the family, I can usually do something after bedtime if I am so inclined. Bedtimes have gotten easier. At long last, Pumpkin just wants a good night kiss and the lights turned out after story time. Soon, I know, she won't even want story time, preferring instead to read to herself. Petunia still likes snuggles, but she doesn't need them as long (most nights). And aside from the bedtime routine, the entire evening is just easier, with more reminding a kid to go do something (e.g., take a shower) and less hands-on wrangling. I often have energy for my own pursuits after bedtime is done.

And weekends have more space, too. We still usually do one fun outing as a family, and there's still gymnastics to go to on Saturday mornings. Next Sunday, Lego team starts and I'm coaching Petunia's team again. But that leaves a surprising amount of time, and the kids no longer expect me to help fill it. Some weekends still get busier than I'd like, but to be honest, that is often Mr. Snarky's fault. I'm a high energy person, but he's even higher energy. I have to remember that I should tell him I need more downtime now and then.

So if you're in the midst of the baby/toddler/preschooler years and wondering where all these other parents are finding time to do work or serious hobbies in the evenings, take heart. In a few years, it will probably all be different. The change started for us when Petunia hit kindergarten, but it was really in her 2nd grade year (last year) that I noticed how much space I had reclaimed for my own interests.

You have to be careful, though: There are all sorts of school activities and committees that can steal the time right back from you, and it can be hard to ignore the signals our society sends that mothers should be more active in their kids' schools. I am choosy, and pick just a couple school things to get involved in, and say no to the others. I also have to keep an eye out for the way schools tend to default to communicating with only one parent, and the way that social event scheduling also tends to default to one parent. I don't think there is any magic answer to this problem. We can usually manage to get the teachers to add Mr. Snarky to their email list, so he takes the lead on monitoring homework and the like. We have absolutely given up on getting people to communicate with him for scheduling play dates, birthday parties, or any of the other social events that find their way onto our kids' schedules. There is one other dad among my kids' friends who schedules play dates, and so for that particular friend, the scheduling is handled by Mr. Snarky. For all others, it comes to me. I don't love that, but have made peace with it. We explicitly recognize it as a chore, and balance it with other chores that Mr. Snarky takes on.

This is why I want to do an updated household logistics post - I think it would be interesting to see where the space actually is, and whether it is distributed evenly between me and Mr. Snarky. But that exciting post will have to wait for another night. I did the work I needed to do after dinner, but I'm reading a good book and I want to go to bed so I can read another chapter or two!

Weekend Reading: The Short and Somewhat Sweet Edition

I got out for a rollerblade today for the first time in a long while, and that felt good. The kids are settling back into their school routine, and so are we. But somehow, I don't have very many links for you this week. Here's what I do have:

If you were interested by the reading project I mentioned in my post on uncertainty and grace, I've got the post about Lost Connections up over on the other blog now.

Josh Marshall has been writing some very good posts about the gathering storm and what he thinks Democrats should do if they win the House this year.

I basically want to ignore Louis CK,  but I guess he's back. Rebecca Traister's article about that is very, very good.

My state may be about to do something very cool for the environment. (I guess I need to call Jerry Brown's office and tell him to sign this bill...)

This is an interesting article about Instagram influencers and updating the "leave no trace" ethos for the digital age.

In recommended listening:

I really enjoyed the World in Words podcast about Basque and Krista Tippet's interview with Cory Booker.

I love the colors in this painting:

Jean Isherwood (1911 - 2006). Emus on the Plain. pic.twitter.com/enDBDTfvvk

— Rabih Alameddine (@rabihalameddine) August 29, 2018

Pretty bunny!

31st August 2018 pic.twitter.com/IvKelswM11

— Rabbit of the Day 🐰 (@RabbitoftheDay) August 31, 2018

Back to School and the Tail End of Summer

My kids went back to school today. Pumpkin is a middle schooler now (!!!!) and rolled her eyes at us for taking a couple of pictures before she ran off with her friends. Petunia (a 3rd grader this year) still wanted us to wait at her line with her, though. She is always a little shy at the start of a new year, even though by now she is guaranteed to have several friends in her class.  So we waited until she met her teacher, and then we gave her a good-bye hug and walked home.

Both kids are very excited to be back at school, and came home eager to tell us all about their day, their new teachers, and their classroom rules.

They also brought home the usual stack of papers to fill out. When I went to my "kid notebook" to look up some info for one of the forms, I happened to open to the first few pages. My kid notebook was a pregnancy notebook first, and the first few pages are a weight log from my first pregnancy. I noticed that I currently weigh about what I weighed when I was 23 weeks pregnant with Pumpkin. Ugh. I guess I should get back to calorie counting and see if I can drop a few more pounds!

In other back to school news... I decided on a bit of a whim to run a back to school sale on ebooks. If you've been interested in one of the Annorlunda releases and haven't picked up a copy yet, now is an excellent time!

In still other back to school news, I have committed to coaching Petunia's Lego team again this year. I am hoping that coaching is easier the second time! Petunia really, really loved doing Lego team, though, so I feel like it is worth some hassle for me. I've ordered our mission kit and am looking forward to seeing the details when it arrives.

The title of this post also promises an update on the last bits of summer. Of course, summer isn't really over. It is still warm, and we have at least another month of prime beach weather ahead. I am hoping to get a Sunday afternoon beach trip in sometime in September. The crowds thin out in September, so we can drive down one a Sunday afternoon and find parking, spend a couple of hours at the beach, and then stop in for Rubios for dinner. It is a great way to end the weekend when it works out. Of course, Lego team meetings are usually Sunday afternoons... but I'm starting earlier so I think we can take one week off in September. We'll see.

But even though summer technically continues, the start of school always marks the end of "summer," and we managed to squeeze a couple more fun outings in before school started.  We met up with one of Petunia's best friends from preschool (and still a best friend!) for a visit to the Zoo at Night. We had a blast but got really lousy pictures. I am really amused by the demon koala picture Mr. Snarky took, though:

Sure, I could fix the red eye, but where's the fun in that?

We also made it to the Balboa Park Summer Nights. That started with dinner from food trucks - every Friday through September, there are Food Trucks parked along the Prado in Balboa Park. The kids had waffles and Mr. Snarky, my sister, and I all had "burgers" from The Thai Burger Company. This was sauteed meat with sauce between two sticky rice "buns," served wrapped in foil so you could eat it like a burger. There was a long wait at this truck, and I can see why. It was really great!

I won't be quitting my job and taking up food photography as a career anytime soon...
but trust me, this was delicious!

I'm not usually big on crowds and waiting in lines to get food... but I have to say, the Balboa Park Food Truck Fridays scene is pretty cool.

After our food truck meal, we went to the Natural History Museum.

Several museums had evening hours and reduced price admission after 5 p.m. We chose the Nat because it also had a roof top bar which was supposedly kid-friendly. The museum itself did not disappoint, but we couldn't get into the bar until after their trivia session finished and by that time the food service had ended. The kid-friendly drink menu turned out to be standard mixers (sodas, OJ, cranberry juice, and grapefruit juice). Luckily, I had some snacks in my bag.

Still, the view from the bar was nice enough.

And earlier, Petunia had found a quiet little reading nook that she really loved.

Not shown: the old books, including one from the 1500s, that I spent my time looking at while Petunia read in the nook.

All in all, we had a good "end of summer" and a great first day of school, and are looking ahead to more summery fun in September and maybe even October. We sometimes forget to take advantage of the fun things to do in San Diego (hence the Family Fun List... the Summer Nights outing satisfies the "special event at Balboa Park" item on the list), but I'm always glad when we get out and enjoy our city.

Weekend Reading: The Half of the Bathroom Sinks Now Work Edition

The good news is that the bathroom sinks are no longer draining into a bucket in my master bathroom! The bad news is that the master bathroom does not currently have a sink. (We are taking this opportunity to replace our old wall mounted sink with a vanity, and the wall needs a little patching/painting before we do that. We're getting the new sink next week.)

In other good news, school starts on Monday, and I am looking forward to the simplified logistics! To be fair, though, in these last few weeks the kids have both been at the same camp not far from my office, which was already much simpler than the situation at the beginning of summer.

 Anyway, on to the links:

I agree with this Slate piece about the Kavanaugh nomination being tainted beyond repair by Cohen's guilty plea.

Mother Jones editor Clara Jeffery's piece on the refugees her family welcomed into their home when she was a child is wonderful.

I really liked this David Roberts piece on acknowledging the role of luck in our lives.

This piece from Kimberly Harrington on how teaching the next generation about gender inequalities and nudging them towards something better is more work falling unequally to mothers is really great, and it is about more than my summary can capture.

Somewhat related: I think many of my readers will LOLSOB in recognition at the dialog in this Captain Awkward question about getting time to work on your own things. Mr. Snarky is actually pretty good at taking the kids out of the house when I need some work time, but I also endorse the suggestion to leave and work elsewhere as a way to reset expectations.

Yes, pot can be addictive.

I really enjoyed Legal Nomads' 10 year anniversary reflection, and I found her post about the spinal tap that changed her life thoughtful and thought-provoking.

Here's a really sweet story about a Dad, his kid, and soccer.

Always read what Zeynep Tufekci has to say about the social media information age:

So, Russian trolls amplified divisive content and helped spread vaccine misinformation. 😱 Look, the challenge before us is to redefine *critical thinking* to include figuring out what to believe, not just how to be skeptical. Personal and institutional. https://t.co/CC1pqIpl5X pic.twitter.com/P8dHi6XGOk

— zeynep tufekci (@zeynep) August 24, 2018

This thread is so infuriating and heart-breaking. Men, if you don't realize how women constrain their lives to stay safe, start learning:

This is the last place I ran alone & carefree. A thread on Mollie Tibbetts and running alone as a woman. pic.twitter.com/3V3XT28YUI

— Alanna Vagianos (@lannadelgrey) August 24, 2018

Bunny is NOT impressed:

24th August 2018 pic.twitter.com/6tUOPOsDUs

— Rabbit of the Day 🐰 (@RabbitoftheDay) August 24, 2018