Saturday, December 08, 2007

My Mommy Moment

I continue to read through the Ask Moxie archives, and last week I came across a post where readers wrote in with their moments of clarity about parenting. I think I had my first real "mommy moment" this week. I've been sick- first I thought it was just a little cold, then it became clear it was either a big, bad cold or the flu. I was pretty miserable on Thursday night, so I crawled into bed super-early, and tried to get as much sleep as possible before it was my shift with our sleep-phobic little Pumpkin. I got about six hours of sleep (which is pretty darn good these days) before Hubby came in to the bedroom to get me up for Pumpkin's 3 a.m. feeding. I could tell I still had a fever and I had the chills. So I sat on the floor in Pumpkin's room, with the little electric heater we use in there blasting out hot air, shivering and nursing her. I looked down at her, snuffling away peacefully as she does in her middle of the night nursing sessions, one hand reaching towards my back, and the other hand going between her lovey and her hair. I was tired, and cold, and my nose was running, but I still couldn't help but smile. I sometimes don't feel like a "real" Mommy- so much has changed in my life so quickly, that I occasionally feel like I'm just playing a role I haven't even had a chance to learn. But that night, I felt like a Mommy, and it felt great.

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