Thursday, September 26, 2013

I Think I'll Name My Pet Peeve Pete

I had typed out most of a post about a dilemma I face at work right now, and I deleted it. Even though my boss would not have been surprised by any of the information in it if he were to stumble across the post, I realized I wouldn't have wanted him to read it. I have a rule that I should not post anything I would not want my boss and my mother to read, so I deleted it. It is too bad, because I could have used your advice!

Oh well. I'll have to settle for your sympathy instead. I have a dilemma that is making me very unhappy, and I unfortunately could not hide that it is making me unhappy even though I do not have a solution to suggest- and that breaks the cardinal rule of never bringing a problem to your boss without a suggested solution. Oops. At least my boss agreed that there doesn't seem to be a good solution, other than me just sucking it up and dealing. He would definitely prefer I just suck it up and deal. I am not sure I have it in me to do that, though, because this particular dilemma rubs on one of my work place pet peeves.*

I am increasingly convinced I will just slowly kill off my current career by making mistakes and not handling dilemmas just right, and will have no choice but to pursue an alternative in which I can start fresh. And maybe that won't be a bad thing, but I am not quite ready to do that yet, so hopefully I can figure out a decent approach by Monday. It won't be the right approach, because I never seem to land on that, but maybe I can find the least wrong one. Or something like that.

I have until Monday because I had previously scheduled to take tomorrow off- so hooray for that! I plan to work on my project, which is sooo close to being ready to share, so hooray for that, too! I'll probably also lounge in the backyard and enjoy the sunshine and read a book. I may even take a nap. I will almost certainly have a beer with lunch. So, you know, my life does not completely suck. Not at all.**


*And now I have to share this tweet of a pet peeve, from Sandra Boynton. Maybe if I print it out and post it by my desk, I can find the capability to just suck it up and deal.

**It would suck a lot less, though if my very soon to be 4 year old hadn't wet her bed at 3:30 in the morning. Getting that cleaned up woke me up so completely that I couldn't go straight back to sleep, and then I started thinking about the dilemma, and then it was almost 5 a.m. before I finally got back to sleep. She almost never wets her bed unless she's sick, and she is not sick right now. So this was just a random tweak on the nose from the universe, and the sleep deprivation probably didn't improve my handling of the discussion with my boss at all. Sigh.

However, I had the sense to recognize that my heightened sense of drama about the dilemma might not be completely grounded in reality, so as soon as my meetings were done for the day, I left and went and sat at the beach rather than marching in to anyone's office to confront the dilemma and/or quit my job. Back when sleep deprivation was a constant companion to me, I made a rule to never make any life changing decisions while sleep deprived, and that rule has served me well.

(For the record, I did make life changing decisions during the first year of Pumpkin's life, when my sleep deprivation was most profound- for instance, I changed jobs. But I always arranged to get more than the usual amount of sleep before doing so, usually by sending Mr. Snarky out for a long walk with Pumpkin while I took a long nap.)


  1. Technically I agree with your rule about not writing about stuff online that you wouldn't want your boss to read, though I suppose in that vein, none of the personal stuff I write I'd really want him to read....
    Anyway, I'm not the wisest commenter you have but I'd be happy to be a sounding board by email if you'd like. Also, then I could tell you why your title makes me laugh.

    1. I may take you up on that- but today I'm going to try to focus on the cool stuff I had planned before the dilemma reared its ugly head!

    2. You could also post your inquiry on one of our blogs, anonymously, if you want to get input. I would be happy to post your question, as I am sure most your readers would. Just a thought.

  2. Anonymous5:00 AM

    Not knowing any of the details, it sounds like it is time to either ask for a transfer to another division (if your company is big enough) or to polish up the resume and find another job at a different company. You've been sounding a lot like my sister did before she *finally* got transferred out of the unit she was in. It has made a world of difference to her every day life. After the transfer she was finally wiling to talk about it and it was just one coworker who was making her completely and totally miserable, even on Saturdays when she wasn't at work ans was seeing her adorable niece and nephew. (And to my knowledge, the only way she could get sleep dep would be from stress).

    So I'm not sure what the situation is, but it's been making you upset for quite a while and if your boss can't fix it, then maybe it's time to find a new boss or a new environment where you can leave whatever the problem is behind. Preferably with a raise.

    1. The company is far too small to transfer anywhere. I am considering quitting, though. I figure I have three choices: quit, decide I don't care and do what my boss wants me to do- namely suck it up and deal, or confront the issue head on. I haven't decided which is the best approach for my overall happiness. They all have downsides!

    2. Confront it head on, with quitting as backup?
      I'm just talking out of my a$$, sorry. As someone who routinely gets in trouble for speaking her mind, and I definitely blog the unbloggable stuff although I should know better, I am in awe of you for being so calm and deliberate about the troubling issue for this long.

      But whoever he is, I would not rest until I verbally tore him a new a$$hole, even if it is the last thing I do at the company. Sometimes, I think we ought to give all those men who think women are crazy, unbalanced creatures, a little bit of taste of what that really would feel like.

    3. Comment was eaten... But I basically noted that you can try to find a new job without quitting this one first.

    4. Oh, definitely, I could start a job search. For some other unbloggable reasons, I'm considering quitting first. This is not as crazy as it sounds, I promise! It might in fact be the only route to what I really want to have happen.

      Anyway, I think I've figured out my approach for Monday- it is a combination of all three of my options: I have narrowed my issues down to the most important one, will confront that head on (but tactfully), and if I don't get an answer I can live with... well, that's why I have money in the bank.

  3. My 3 y.o. only wets the bed when he is constipated, which happens when he is stressed and in new situations. So there has been a lot of bed wetting recently - once in my bed. There's nothing worse than being woken up at 3 AM to "Mommy, I'm wet!" and the dank smell of urine.

    1. Thankfully, she has yet to wet OUR bed. Usually she wets her bed, and then joins us in ours for the rest of the night. And I've noticed the link with constipation, too.

      When Petunia is sick, we often just put her in a pull up over her underwear. That works well in that we've never had her regress back to wanting to wear pull ups all the time and the clean up is a lot easier!

  4. Sorry you're having to deal with a crappy situation at work. My last few weeks at my job were pretty awful, but also mostly unbloggable, so it was tough not to vent and get advice. Luckily, I had the "out" of going on maternity leave anyway, so for that I'm thankful. Good luck deciding what to do. And, like Revanche offered, feel free to email me if you want a sounding board.

    Hope you're having a relaxing day off today!

  5. "I am increasingly convinced I will just slowly kill off my current career by making mistakes and not handling dilemmas just right, and will have no choice but to pursue an alternative in which I can start fresh."

    Oh, Cloud. This does not sound like your usual self at all. You have my sympathies. And may I say again how much I totally respect you for not broadcasting every detail of your life on the internets. Discretion is the better part of valor...

    Please post it somewhere else per @GMP's suggestion - and let's all chew on it??

  6. Oh, hugs.
    For situations where it seems like the only option is to suck it up and deal, I suggest reading Byron Katie. She has some excellent suggestions for accepting the situation in a way that doesn't feel like a compromise of your values.
    Good luck.


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