We spent Christmas in Arizona, with my parents and extended family. It was a wonderful visit, but the drive home is... well, it is long. We split it into two, stopping in Yuma last night. (Irrelevant aside: I can whole-heartedly recommend the Clarion Hotel to anyone needing a stopover in Yuma. It is a few blocks away from the freeway, but worth the detour. We stopped on the way over and were so impressed with the value that we stopped again on the way back. We had a full suite- with a door between the bedroom and living room and two comfortable queen beds- for roughly $80, which is at least $30 less than the hotels near the freeway charge for one of those fake suites with only a half wall separating the bedroom and living room.)
We let the kids play at the excellent playground near the river for almost an hour before we finally set out for home. It is a long drive through scenery that I find beautiful in parts, but deadly dull in others. It is, at least, conducive for staring out the window and pondering life, the universe, and everything.
Since it is New Year's Eve, I predictably thought about resolutions. I could make the usual ones to lose weight/get in shape, be more patient, etc., etc. In fact, upon reading through my resolutions post from the beginning of 2012, I must admit that all of those still apply. Whatever 2012 was, it was apparently not a year for meeting personal growth and improvement goals!
But really, I think my goals can all be boiled down to one: I want to get comfortable in my own skin again. Or maybe for the first time- I'm not sure I have ever been really comfortable in my own skin. I have certainly had better time periods, though.
A few weeks ago, I walked to the deli across the street from work to buy some lunch, and I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass door as I headed back. I looked behind me, to see who the older woman was. But it was me. The me in my head is 25, with the easy attractiveness of youth and a life full of dreams and goals ahead of her. The me in that glass is 40, probably in need of a makeover, and certainly in need of more exercise and some time to shop for a better wardrobe. She has some reasonable accomplishments to her name, a hodge podge of goals competing for her attention, and enough well-earned wisdom to know that she needs to choose which ones to focus on if she hopes to achieve any of them. If only she knew which ones.
I am not unhappy with my life- in fact, I have much to be happy about, and it does indeed make me happy. But I am not content. The years have snuck up on me and changed me in ways I don't really understand, leaving me feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Maybe 2013 will be the year that I change that, learn to embrace- or at least recognize!- the woman I've become, and figure out where she's going with the rest of her life. I hope you don't mind coming along for the ride, because if I do try to sort this out in 2013, I'll almost certainly blog about it.
|Not sure where this road goes.|
What about you? Any resolutions you want to share? Do you recognize the person you've become?
Happy New Year, everyone! I hope your celebrations are as good a fit to you as ours are to us.